I don't know if he's cheating on me!

so me and my boyfriend have been going out for over a month now. we met on a dating website and we hit it off great. everything has been fine up until a couple weeks ago. I'm very crazy when he comes to guys because I'm been cheated on so many times so my messed up brain always finds things to think that he's cheating on me. I know because I'm like this, that he's probably not. But he has some dating websites that I've found, and I confronted him and he told me he isn’t cheating on me and that he doesn’t go on them. So he deleted them. And we got in a huge fight the other day because I was scared he was and he told me he isn’t and that he doesn’t know what else to say because I don’t believe him and stuff. And I haven't seen him since Monday because right now he goes to school full time from 2-8 and then when he gets home his xbox is more important then me. And I told him to come over tonight after school so he is. I'm just scared that like the love isn’t there anymore. Like I don't know what to do. I'm always scared he's texting girls behind my back, or talking to them or just something. He even had his grandma talk to me because I thought he was and she told me its cause I'm jealous and insecure and she told me being insecure isn’t going to get me anywhere and that I'm a beautiful girl and I have to know myself and stuff. And it made me feel a lot better, but not I'm back right where I was before :[ its seriously like taking my life over. I don’t know what to do! Help me!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You can't paint all guys with the same broad brush.

    You have to give us a chance to prove ourselves individually.

    Simply because I don't have the same values as the guy standing next to me.

    Just like girls identify that their girl friends are different from them, and may be capable of bad things, they still remain friends with them.

    With guys, if we have a friend that cheats on his girlfriend, that doesn't mean we will or do on ours.

    His grandmother is right, this has to do with your insecurities and you are allowing them to dictate the relationship. The reason you don't feel "the love" anymore is because you are allowing your insecurities to tell you that.

    Further, after constantly yelling at him about cheating, he probably is wearing off of this relationship fast.

    You are the one destroying the relationship, and you need to accept right now if you actually want to fix it.

    Him playing XBOX relates two things.

    Number one, he'd rather play video games than do anything you can't be directly aware of, which in the long run will leave him feeling unsatisfied.

    And number two, HE'S A TEENAGE BOY! Teenage boys play video games!

    So here you are with a typical teenager, he's respectful, and obviously caring to even attempt to explain and re-explain to you how he cares. He's willing to be in a relationship with someone who acts angry all the time, and what are you doing?

    Pushing him away. At your age, pushing a guy away isn't the worst thing, unless you don't learn from it. And honestly, you need to put all this "cheating" into context.

    You're talking about other teenage boys cheating on you with presumably other teenage girls.

    Teenagers typically don't have the first clue about long term commitment, and what it means to actually be in a relationship. It takes a long time for young people to actually understand that concept in it's full form.

    If you were 35, and had been cheated on by all your partners up to that point, this would have a lot more weight.

    But being under 18, and having this much insecurity is not within a logical frame of emotion. It's quite possible you need to attend some therapy sessions to explore why you are so upset over this cheating from the past to understand how you can get your emotions under control.

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    • Sooo yesterday he came over and were fine and everything but he updated a status on facebook when he got home and it says love the life you live, live the life you love-bob marley. anddd this one girl commented on it. and I'm pretty sure she's just not some girl becasue when I went his house I saw they wre skyping sometime cause he had the conco up. and she commeted saying LOve it!! :) Bob Marley is the best so um should I be worried? becasue I only put a heart after scomments but he's my bf?

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    • No I know I haven't because everything is fine between us now. its like how it was when we first started talking. I just wanna know if I should worry about that girl. I mean he lives here, and she lives in his old state. so its not like they can go and hookup. but when he comes over he leaves his phone in his car cause he said he doesn't need to talk to anyone. but that could be a good thing or a bad thing he's doing that. ya know?

    • Look, the bottomline is that you need to get your insecurities under control. Because whether someone is cheating on you or not, you can't participate in a relationship where your insecurities control your actions.

      Stay with the guy, don't stay with the guy. Either way, get yourself whole again.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • He's not. You're paranoid and going to drive him away (as well as any other guys). Go and see a professional counselor about working through your cheating insecurity.

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What Girls Said 1

  • If you can't have trust from the beginning of a relationship then what on earth is there to build on? You have to love and trust yourself before you can do this with anyone else. I hope that over time you will learn that each relationship is special, and they each deserve a fair shot. Not all guys cheat, and not all women accuse them all the time. I'm sure you've heard that phrase, "If she thinks I am already cheating and yells and fights with me about it all the time when I'm not, why shouldn't I cheat then?"

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