Guys and girls please?
- Very important!Vote A
- Somewhat important, doesn't matter either wayVote B
- Not important at allVote C
Guys and girls please?
Well I'm sure it's already been said, but I'll provide input: we don't need to feel like we are in CONTROL as much as we'd like to be respected. That's the difference between male and female: female seeks love and companionship, male seeks respect and companionship. If you've ever noticed a married couple where the woman makes all the decisions, observe the guy for a bit and you'll see that he's generally unhappy. Even when women "let him think he's in control", he's still unhappy. Us guys aren't stupid about all that stuff. If a guy doesn't feel like his input matters, then why would he even put up the struggle to contribute? Hence the reason why some marriages the wife complains about him not making any decisions, yet not even allowing him to. It's a catch 22. Don't CONSULT your partner, INCLUDE him. We all want to feel like we've made some sort of difference. I know I wouldn't enjoy being treated like a child in the slightest.
Think he's in control? He has to be in control. Playing him for a fool is not the way to go.
Let's use an analogy. A relationship is a ship. The man is the captain, the women first mate. They are both vital, and both will fail without the respect and mutual aid of the other. They just have different roles.
Don't get me wrong, this is just an analogy. The girl can make decisions, make plans yadda yadda. But if the guy is on a leash, or being messed about with, the relationship isn't going to last.
well, emotionally & psychologically healthy men don't feel there's a place for the word "control" in his relationship with his girlfriend or wife.
you either have control or respect, but you can't have both. if a guy wants control over a woman, he gets himself a hooker or girl that isn't doing anything with her life and is financially dependent on him. or he finds himself an emotionally needy or insecure girl who is emotionally dependent on him.
but generally, emotionally healthy men don't want this. if someone wants these things, if they actively desire an unhealthy relationship, then it's an indication that there is something emotionally wrong with that person. perhaps underaccomplished in life, insecure about something, or low self-esteem, using this abusive relationship and their partner as a stepping stone and punching bag.
generally, emotionally healthy men neither want to control their girlfriend/wife, nor be controlled. the relationship they seek is one that's voluntary, no coercion exists, both people are motivated to be with each other and stay together because they love each other. and if that's the case, then this is a relationship based on respect, not on control.
in fact, emotionally healthy men don't aspire nor try to control their partner, because they view the very act as disrespectful and "relationship poison". so if the girl tries to control the guy, he'll view it the same way and feel disrespected; which will ruin how he feels towards her; hence "relationship poison". but if the girl does anything to imply that the guy controls her, even if she does it because she thinks he'll find it flattering or she'll show him that she's his; he'll give her space as his way of telling her, "no, I don't control you, I respect you"
love doesn't need a reward as motivation, nor punishment as a deterrant to have two people want to be together, stay together, and make each other happy. if anything gets introduced into the relationship that makes it seem that way, guys start to lose that respect and desire to be in such a relationship.
exception: if you're talking about simply playful flirting, sexual teasing, or even sex itself; then that's a different story. both people have then mutually agreed to do it, and not for real, but just for fun, or as a way to help the other person enjoy themselves more.
as far as the whole relationship though; the concept of "control" is a big "no-no", both ways.
Ok...where shall I start? well it's never OK to let someone control you. You take the lead when it's YOUR life. I don't let a guy control me, I used to do that and it's a big mistake. NEVER ever let a guy have his way, do what YOU want. that way you're happier. and it really depends on what you mean by control and where as well.
I would say its really important. For a guy, society says they are suppose to be in charge and take of stuff and it makes them feel better about themselves when they can take care of themselves as well as their loved ones. When they feel like they aren't in control they can low self-esteem and be depressed.
In reality, men are rarely in control in relationships. But hypothetically, if relationships are about control, then they get pathetic.
honestly its more comforting to think I'm and control but for the most part the guy is in control and he knows it
really really important. even if you're in charge, it's always best to make it seem like he is.
If you want him to be in control, tell him so he doesn't think that you're doing nothing
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