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That's what I thought. At then end of the day he wants to be here or not. Of he loves me. like he says, he would have stopped all communication with her.
My advice is nvm everyone just follow your heart... you heard us all and the rest is for you to decide go for your heart desires and dont look back at the past
I feel like I'm willing to forgive amd forget, but only if he does the same. It was his mistake, he should fix it. I shouldn't fight for a spot to stay and it feels like I should. He tells me to stop trying that I'm not the problem "I need to come to you"
My heart says stay.
But he wants "time".
When a guy needs time he needs it alone not with some other girl do yourself a favour and tell him to call on his friend for you two to meet then decide if she's worth the trust or not "if you love him that much"
I actually said that.
"You say you need time to think of what you want, you do that alone"
Time with her isn't fair for our marriage, you'll be busy having moments with her and forgetting about us.
Im sorry for what you're going through but you need to solve this before it gets late. You guys are married i guess till death do us apart doesn't mean i need a bit of time checking out someone else
Exactly! I think he needs "time" to continue seeing her and of it doesn't work out, knowing that I love him, he can just call me and act like nothing has changed.
If that is his plan, I hope by the time he realizes it, my pain is gone and I want nothing to do with him.
Honey u dont need to feel pain over him. You chose the wrong person and as an adult you correct your mistakes and go forward not back... but first wait to see what will happen i dont know the guy to judge him and i don't want to ruin you guys if he wasn't cheating "which he was" but just to be certain that no other mistakes are done ;)
It's true. I need to stop blaming myself. I gave it my all. I don't think I was the problem. Maybe he just got bored. I don't know. But I have to stay strong for my daughter!
You're 27 with a daughter? Thats really hard i though u guys had no babies yet... this is gonna be really hard :( sorry again
more than you can imagine. she's 5. and she can tell something is wrong. found her on daddy's side of bed crying. didn't bother her, but heard her say "i really miss daddy, I want the 4 us to be happy" (she included our German shepherd)
I'll tell you what... try reaching out for his soul talk to him and blame him tell him about his daughter... maybe he'll get back to his mind. I hope this ends well for you guys dont ruin your daughters future by this mess
That's why I was trying to work things out. We are supposed to talk with her today. He should know what she feels. But most likely we will be leaving later this evening.
Sunday. I was planning on leaving
He cried. Said "I know the right thing to do is to fix our marriage but I can't, and I don't know why! I love you but I don't know what is stopping me from being good to you"
He took my daughter and I to church and dinner afterwards. it was nice but different. I still felt bad, tried to keep a smile the whole time.
Smthn got him unstable... maybe he's just afraid of smthn he doesn't want you to know. Try for the last time asking him what's he hiding and whats so important that he has to be away from his fam. Make sure its a long and isolated convo that he won't leave till all the answers are finished
Have tried. won't work. he always pushes away "talking" and gets mad.
I've been thinking and really, I'm in love with a person who honestly I see now never really cared about me. 5 years together and I don't think I can say I was happy. There was plenty of verbal abuse. It's time to let go. Pain is only temporary. My daughter is my priority, she deserves to be happy.
going back now to pick up more of out stuff. tonight I'll be sleeping at a different place.
He did mention, "I need to be stronger" he is confused. He just said this morning he loves me, yet he is out with her and his 2 children from previous relationship. (We also have a daughter 5 year old) breaks my heart how she senses that we might leave daddy.
true. it isn't easy being home while he is with her. thought by leaving I'd be giving up. I just need to hear it from people, that it shouldn't be me fighting for him. it should be him if he really did care.
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now! In his words "I just see you and get turned on, your body fascinates me, you know own that I have always loved you, your body, touching it"
So WTH I know the right thing to do is leave. But it is hard.
It's very hard to leave something you are so used to being around. I get it. But its not going to get any easier to leave.
Do you guys have kids together?
He has 2 previous relationship (not married)
We have a daughter (5yrs) and we are married. Together 5 years total married 1.5yrs. Cheated 2 months. Yes it is painful I can't stop thinking about it.
I also realize how hard it is to break-up while having a kid. But if he can't stop cheating you have to think about how it affects your kid.
I found out this past Monday, I admit I've been a little distracted from being a mother, I cried and apologized to her. All week she was fine, today I found her laying on daddy's side of bed, crying, heard her say "I'm going to miss daddy, I feel like we will not see him again, I really want the 4 of us to be happy" (she included our German Shepherd)
I can only imagine how that must have broken your heart.
I wish I could tell you what to do.
I didn't mean that to say I didn't want to help more. Just that I can't make that decision for you.
But I will certainly be here to help and listen to you.
Honestly don't know.
Well, I want to stay but because right now I still love him, it hurts but I'll work our marriage if he is willing to do so aswell.
I know that what must be done is to leave.
God will decides what's best.
If he is willing I need him to prove honesty, loyalty, trust, love. I'll be sketchy at first but he should know that he broke my trust he will have to gain back.
I did not want to tell my sisters nor parents yet. So I honestly have no idea. I just know that whether I stay or leave, I'm getting hurt. But maybe leaving I can forget faster than at home,. full of memories
I'm guessing, calling when he gets to work and off to come home, proving he is where he says. Show phone although he could delete. Maybe end all sorts of communication with the other women in front of me.
Those are great steps.
I have heard of more bizarre things than that. But I shouldn't say it here.
As have I, I don't want to suffocate him either... take it slow... IF we were to try.. but I don't see that coming..
I am proud of you for recognizing things for what they are and how you feel about this whole thing.
You can follow me and then you can let me know how things are going or how you are feeling.
staying for the kids sake is never a good idea.
why should she put her happiness last?
@Goodwifie That is true, however lets say the kids are 8 for example. I think it would be better for her to endure, than have her kids traumatized by a divorce. Have the wife been effected not the next generation. That is what my uncle did, his wife cheated on him when their kids were 6, stayed together for several years until they are adults, she cheated again and now is getting a divorce. However, at least the kids are old enough to understand. If the kids are old enough to understand it will be tough, but would be the best time. And now, they don't have to choose mom or dad, being a traumatizing experience itself, since my cousins live on their own now. Also, my cousins wouldn't be separated from each other! I think that is a huge plus. I am not sure if my uncle knew about her cheating the first time when they were 6.
I know it is hard, she shouldn't suffer any more than she has, but at least her kids won't have to get involved. I mean, this man is sick and scum, however...
I wouldn't give him power over my kids destiny, and divorce at a young age, would effect them strongly. I don't want that scummy man to influence my kids that way.
Being in a loveless house hold can be just as traumatizing.
The fact that this poor lady's husband is continuing the affair even though he has begged for forgiveness shows that he is not committed 100% to working on the marriage.
To stay or leave is a decision that she needs to make on her own.
@Goodwifie If she didn't have kids I would leave the instant he said that! Don't get me wrong, that is a disgusting thing to do, and the fact that he is still doing it is even worse. If he was sorry he would stop. I hope she can leave him and be well off.
We have it. He goes on and on on how great it is... how I will always be only for him. etc... so I mean it could be the issue, I don't know.
I do know sex was not missing in this relationship
thenI don't know what it is. If it was only once with the other one then it would have been a moment of weakness. But he does this constantly.
She will be heartbroken.
Constantly she would say "I thank you for having patience with my son is understand he is very difficult, hard-headed, but you make him happy, don't leave my son have patience deep down he is very nice and he loves you"
Obviously , but if he doesn't listen to you than he should listen to his mom. If he doesn't listen to his mom than talk with his dad. His dad should make him a man. If he doesn't listen to the three of you. Than im sorry to say that your husband is lost in life. The only thing you can do at that point is have patient , staying strong and believing that he would come back to his senses
I will do that. We have to say goodbye to her today. Will explain why.
And yes, stay strong and have faith, God knows was best for me, if it was meant to be he'll come back if not... move on.
Started gathering my things, I will try to leave Sunday evening, before he returns home.
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