Husband cheated says he wants me but still sees other girl?

Question

Husband cheated says he wants me but still sees other girl?

1 Xper

What do I do? He begged for forgiveness said he knows it's with me where he needs to be, but that we might need some time apart. He says he is sorry and doesn't mean to hurt me, but he still goes to the other women's apt before coming home, he says he goes only as friends "he swears". What should I believe or do?

1312

12

13

Most Helpful Guy

EliteBlack

This can be really tricky cuz I've been through this with my girlfriend before... it's a 50/50 chance of him cheating or not so if you wanna play your bets safe trust me if he loves you he'll be rolling to you for help and peace of mind he won't be looking for other options and if he cared not to be caught as a cheater he would meet his so called friend at a public place not her apt.
1

1|0

0|0
- liss90
  
  That's what I thought. At then end of the day he wants to be here or not. Of he loves me. like he says, he would have stopped all communication with her.
  
  Reply
- Show AllShow Less
- EliteBlack
  
  My advice is nvm everyone just follow your heart... you heard us all and the rest is for you to decide go for your heart desires and dont look back at the past
  
  Reply
- liss90
  
  I feel like I'm willing to forgive amd forget, but only if he does the same. It was his mistake, he should fix it. I shouldn't fight for a spot to stay and it feels like I should. He tells me to stop trying that I'm not the problem "I need to come to you"
  My heart says stay.
  But he wants "time".
  
  Reply
- EliteBlack
  
  When a guy needs time he needs it alone not with some other girl do yourself a favour and tell him to call on his friend for you two to meet then decide if she's worth the trust or not "if you love him that much"
  
  Reply
- liss90
  
  I actually said that.
  "You say you need time to think of what you want, you do that alone"
  Time with her isn't fair for our marriage, you'll be busy having moments with her and forgetting about us.
  
  Reply
- EliteBlack
  
  Im sorry for what you're going through but you need to solve this before it gets late. You guys are married i guess till death do us apart doesn't mean i need a bit of time checking out someone else
  
  Reply
- liss90
  
  Exactly! I think he needs "time" to continue seeing her and of it doesn't work out, knowing that I love him, he can just call me and act like nothing has changed.
  
  Reply
- liss90
  
  If that is his plan, I hope by the time he realizes it, my pain is gone and I want nothing to do with him.
  
  Reply
- EliteBlack
  
  Honey u dont need to feel pain over him. You chose the wrong person and as an adult you correct your mistakes and go forward not back... but first wait to see what will happen i dont know the guy to judge him and i don't want to ruin you guys if he wasn't cheating "which he was" but just to be certain that no other mistakes are done ;)
  
  Reply
- liss90
  
  It's true. I need to stop blaming myself. I gave it my all. I don't think I was the problem. Maybe he just got bored. I don't know. But I have to stay strong for my daughter!
  
  Reply
- EliteBlack
  
  You're 27 with a daughter? Thats really hard i though u guys had no babies yet... this is gonna be really hard :( sorry again
  
  Reply
- liss90
  
  more than you can imagine. she's 5. and she can tell something is wrong. found her on daddy's side of bed crying. didn't bother her, but heard her say "i really miss daddy, I want the 4 us to be happy" (she included our German shepherd)
  
  Reply
- EliteBlack
  
  I'll tell you what... try reaching out for his soul talk to him and blame him tell him about his daughter... maybe he'll get back to his mind. I hope this ends well for you guys dont ruin your daughters future by this mess
  
  Reply
- liss90
  
  That's why I was trying to work things out. We are supposed to talk with her today. He should know what she feels. But most likely we will be leaving later this evening.
  
  Reply
- EliteBlack
  
  Damn wish u all the luck
  
  Reply
- liss90
  
  thanks
  
  Reply
- EliteBlack
  
  Just wanted to drop by and ask how did it go :(?
  
  Reply
- liss90
  
  Sunday. I was planning on leaving
  He cried. Said "I know the right thing to do is to fix our marriage but I can't, and I don't know why! I love you but I don't know what is stopping me from being good to you"
  
  Reply
- liss90
  
  He took my daughter and I to church and dinner afterwards. it was nice but different. I still felt bad, tried to keep a smile the whole time.
  
  Reply
- EliteBlack
  
  Smthn got him unstable... maybe he's just afraid of smthn he doesn't want you to know. Try for the last time asking him what's he hiding and whats so important that he has to be away from his fam. Make sure its a long and isolated convo that he won't leave till all the answers are finished
  
  Reply
- liss90
  
  Have tried. won't work. he always pushes away "talking" and gets mad.
  I've been thinking and really, I'm in love with a person who honestly I see now never really cared about me. 5 years together and I don't think I can say I was happy. There was plenty of verbal abuse. It's time to let go. Pain is only temporary. My daughter is my priority, she deserves to be happy.
  
  Reply
- EliteBlack
  
  Then you know what to do...
  
  Reply
- liss90
  
  I left.
  
  Reply
- liss90
  
  going back now to pick up more of out stuff. tonight I'll be sleeping at a different place.
  
  Reply
- EliteBlack
  
  Sorry to hear that i hope you'll be better soon
  
  Reply

Most Helpful Girl

Cmasterson

If he still sees other people then its time to end it- if he made mistakes and he wants to change and is proving to you slowly but surely thats a different story. Thats disgusting that he can still go to her apartment and come back to you, he's taking you for granted, sees you as weak.
0

0|0

0|0
- liss90
  
  He did mention, "I need to be stronger" he is confused. He just said this morning he loves me, yet he is out with her and his 2 children from previous relationship. (We also have a daughter 5 year old) breaks my heart how she senses that we might leave daddy.
  
  Reply

What Guys Said 11

What Girls Said 12

Recommended myTakes

13 Reason Why Dogs Are Better Than Cats! Love At First Sight Doesn't Exist. 5 Facts About AngelicSin Having Big Boobs: Expectations vs. Reality 5 Things I Find Attractive in a Man

Home > Break Up & Divorce > Husband cheated says he wants me but still sees other girl?

Loading...

score 1 · Answer 1 · 2017-09-10T06:36:20Z

You need to determine the cause, are you pleasing him emotionally and sexually? What is he missing so that he's looking for it in another girl? If he apologized and said he wants you it could mean he's missing something and she's fulfilling him but deep inside you're the only one

score 2 · Answer 2 · 2017-09-10T03:32:12Z

TheBootyChest

He wants to be with you for logistics (like rent, cleaning, company) but not for sex.

Just one idea.

liss90

That's what confuses me.
We have everything, we still have intimacy.

Reply
Show AllShow Less
TheBootyChest

Does he feel he has great sex with you?

Reply
liss90

In his words "I just see you and get turned on, your body fascinates me, you know own that I have always loved you, your body, touching it"
So WTH I know the right thing to do is leave. But it is hard.

Reply
liss90

... oh and that he is only mine and I his... which I find hard to believe now.

Reply
TheBootyChest

It's very hard to leave something you are so used to being around. I get it. But its not going to get any easier to leave.

Do you guys have kids together?

Reply
liss90

He has 2 previous relationship (not married)
We have a daughter (5yrs) and we are married. Together 5 years total married 1.5yrs. Cheated 2 months. Yes it is painful I can't stop thinking about it.

Reply
TheBootyChest

I also realize how hard it is to break-up while having a kid. But if he can't stop cheating you have to think about how it affects your kid.

Reply
liss90

I found out this past Monday, I admit I've been a little distracted from being a mother, I cried and apologized to her. All week she was fine, today I found her laying on daddy's side of bed, crying, heard her say "I'm going to miss daddy, I feel like we will not see him again, I really want the 4 of us to be happy" (she included our German Shepherd)

Reply
TheBootyChest

I can only imagine how that must have broken your heart.

I wish I could tell you what to do.

Reply
TheBootyChest

I didn't mean that to say I didn't want to help more. Just that I can't make that decision for you.

But I will certainly be here to help and listen to you.

Reply
liss90

Thanks for your opinion. Every little bit of advice helps.

Reply
TheBootyChest

Would you like to talk about it some more?

Reply
liss90

It helps, somewhat. Have others opinions except my own.

Reply
TheBootyChest

What would you do tomorrow if you were given the choice?

Reply
liss90

Honestly don't know.
Well, I want to stay but because right now I still love him, it hurts but I'll work our marriage if he is willing to do so aswell.

I know that what must be done is to leave.

God will decides what's best.

Reply
liss90

I'm thinking of being gone by Sunday night. :(

Reply
TheBootyChest

If he will work on it, what do you need to see from him?

Reply
TheBootyChest

I see. Where would you go?

Reply
liss90

If he is willing I need him to prove honesty, loyalty, trust, love. I'll be sketchy at first but he should know that he broke my trust he will have to gain back.

Reply
TheBootyChest

How do you want him to prove you can trust him?

Reply
liss90

I did not want to tell my sisters nor parents yet. So I honestly have no idea. I just know that whether I stay or leave, I'm getting hurt. But maybe leaving I can forget faster than at home,. full of memories

Reply
liss90

I'm guessing, calling when he gets to work and off to come home, proving he is where he says. Show phone although he could delete. Maybe end all sorts of communication with the other women in front of me.

Reply
TheBootyChest

Those are great steps.

I have heard of more bizarre things than that. But I shouldn't say it here.

Reply
liss90

As have I, I don't want to suffocate him either... take it slow... IF we were to try.. but I don't see that coming..

Reply
liss90

I need to admitted to myself now.

Reply
TheBootyChest

I am proud of you for recognizing things for what they are and how you feel about this whole thing.

Reply
liss90

Thank you so much. You have been a lot of help.

Reply
TheBootyChest

You can follow me and then you can let me know how things are going or how you are feeling.

Reply
liss90

definitely will!!

Reply

score 2 · Answer 3 · 2017-09-10T05:19:56Z

He is still sleeping with her. I wouldn't normally advocate divorce but in situations like this, forgiving him taking him back... he is not honest and a cheating toad.

score 2 · Answer 4 · 2017-09-10T06:09:46Z

If he was truly sorry he'd cease his contact with the other woman to leave no doubt in your mind. It's either you or her.

score 2 · Answer 5 · 2017-09-10T05:35:58Z

Tough spot to be in. Your options are to:
1) work through this and stay in the relationship
2) accept his behavior and work out a compromise that works for both of you
3) Leave him

I am in no position to tell you what to do. How can any of us tell you? You have expectations to make it work for you. You either compromise or he does. Marriage is a tough thing.
Will he cheat in the future once he has cheated on you? Maybe.
Can you two actually have a conversation to see what motivated him to make that choice? For some reason he felt the need to cheat. If he agrees to stop seeing her, what would be expect?

Speaking from personal experience, for some strange reason, its gets tough to talk to your spouse especially about sexual things. You can do things with a stranger that you would never ask your spouse to do. When that is the person you should be asking those things from.

score 0 · Answer 6 · 2017-09-10T05:21:19Z

MackFreeze

If you have kids, stay. If you don't then I would leave him, my mother says cheaters never change.

Goodwifie

staying for the kids sake is never a good idea.
why should she put her happiness last?

Reply
Show AllShow Less
MackFreeze

@Goodwifie That is true, however lets say the kids are 8 for example. I think it would be better for her to endure, than have her kids traumatized by a divorce. Have the wife been effected not the next generation. That is what my uncle did, his wife cheated on him when their kids were 6, stayed together for several years until they are adults, she cheated again and now is getting a divorce. However, at least the kids are old enough to understand. If the kids are old enough to understand it will be tough, but would be the best time. And now, they don't have to choose mom or dad, being a traumatizing experience itself, since my cousins live on their own now. Also, my cousins wouldn't be separated from each other! I think that is a huge plus. I am not sure if my uncle knew about her cheating the first time when they were 6.

I know it is hard, she shouldn't suffer any more than she has, but at least her kids won't have to get involved. I mean, this man is sick and scum, however...

Reply
MackFreeze

I wouldn't give him power over my kids destiny, and divorce at a young age, would effect them strongly. I don't want that scummy man to influence my kids that way.

Reply
Goodwifie

Being in a loveless house hold can be just as traumatizing.
The fact that this poor lady's husband is continuing the affair even though he has begged for forgiveness shows that he is not committed 100% to working on the marriage.
To stay or leave is a decision that she needs to make on her own.

Reply
MackFreeze

@Goodwifie If she didn't have kids I would leave the instant he said that! Don't get me wrong, that is a disgusting thing to do, and the fact that he is still doing it is even worse. If he was sorry he would stop. I hope she can leave him and be well off.

Reply

score 0 · Answer 7 · 2017-09-10T08:18:25Z

TheFlak38

Maybe if you'll give him proper sex he won't cheat again.

liss90

We have it. He goes on and on on how great it is... how I will always be only for him. etc... so I mean it could be the issue, I don't know.
I do know sex was not missing in this relationship

Reply
TheFlak38

thenI don't know what it is. If it was only once with the other one then it would have been a moment of weakness. But he does this constantly.

Reply

score 3 · Answer 8 · 2017-09-10T06:02:19Z

Humbledman74006

Leave his ass

liss90

Started gathering my things, I will try to leave Sunday evening, before he returns home.

Reply

score 2 · Answer 9 · 2017-09-10T04:14:05Z

SerryJinefeld

Dump that peice of shit.

liss90

Hard. but yes, that is what must happened. Pain is only temporary right?

Reply
SerryJinefeld

Absolutely

Reply
liss90

THANK YOU!!!

Reply

score 1 · Answer 10 · 2017-09-10T04:08:39Z

kick him to the curb

score 0 · Answer 11 · 2017-09-10T05:37:09Z

thaiboxmob

Talk to his mom if she is still alive

liss90

She will be heartbroken.
Constantly she would say "I thank you for having patience with my son is understand he is very difficult, hard-headed, but you make him happy, don't leave my son have patience deep down he is very nice and he loves you"

Reply
Show AllShow Less
thaiboxmob

Obviously , but if he doesn't listen to you than he should listen to his mom. If he doesn't listen to his mom than talk with his dad. His dad should make him a man. If he doesn't listen to the three of you. Than im sorry to say that your husband is lost in life. The only thing you can do at that point is have patient , staying strong and believing that he would come back to his senses

Reply
liss90

I will do that. We have to say goodbye to her today. Will explain why.
And yes, stay strong and have faith, God knows was best for me, if it was meant to be he'll come back if not... move on.

Reply
thaiboxmob

Have trust in God , pray. Itll be alright

Reply

score 1 · Answer 12 · 2017-09-10T04:24:05Z

Leave him, he is sorry yes, but he is not going to leave the other girl and you are not going to feel better knowing he is seeing someone else.

score 1 · Answer 13 · 2017-09-10T08:08:38Z

he is still seeing her for sex even though he has begged for your forgiveness. This is a complete deal breaker when it comes to asking for forgiveness.
It is possible to repair a relationship after infidelity has accured but it takes work on both sides.
All the best my dear.

score 1 · Answer 14 · 2017-09-10T03:29:47Z

He basically wants you to accept this lifestyle, I think at this point it's pretty obvious either you roll with it or cut the bullshit and stop allowing him to waste your time like that.

score 1 · Answer 15 · 2017-09-10T06:09:58Z

He's already cheated, so he's proven his word can't be trusted. Trust is the foundation for every relationship. So why give him a second chance when your trust was misplaced the first time.

If you placed your trust in him after he's betrayed you , you'd be putting yourself in a vulnerable position. He'd be setting your standards for how he can treat you

Once a person cheats they've shown you what their true potential is. You can't trust the words of anyone who has betrayed you. He's making a fool of you , and manipulating you.

score 0 · Answer 16 · 2017-09-10T06:24:46Z

Id say leave unless you really don't want too then make sure he never sees her or speaks to her again if you want to stay.

score 1 · Answer 17 · 2017-09-10T08:10:38Z

Drop his sorry ass 😒

score 1 · Answer 18 · 2017-09-10T03:51:41Z

Get a divorce. For real.

score 1 · Answer 19 · 2017-09-10T06:33:04Z

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Divorce.

score 1 · Answer 20 · 2017-09-10T04:09:34Z

Divorce your husband

score 0 · Answer 21 · 2017-09-10T05:40:43Z

Kick rocks

score 1 · Answer 22 · 2017-09-10T15:32:37Z

divorce him

score 1 · Answer 23 · 2017-09-10T06:25:21Z

I've been the other woman. Don't believe his lies. He wants the stability of being with you and the kinky new sex with the other woman. He wants to have his cake and eat it too.

Husband cheated says he wants me but still sees other girl?

Most Helpful Guy

Most Helpful Girl

Recommended Questions

What Guys Said 11

What Girls Said 12

Recommended myTakes