If you slept with someone - knowing full well that they were married - would you tell their spouse as revenge when they dumped you?

Master

Break Up & Divorce

So I saw this scenario a few days ago and have been thinking it over, debating with my own partner lol and I'd love others opinions.

Complete hypothetical; is it ok to contact their spouse with lewd messages and photos purely out of spite and revenge when you 100% knew they were married but chose to date and sleep with him/her anyway?
Or is it cruel to use destroy someone else's happiness and family when you too knowingly made a bad choice? When the intent behind it is not to let them know their spouse is unfaithful but to get revenge for being used and cast aside?

I'm really interested in the reasons WHY you would choose the option you do too

Yes, because regardless of my bad choice the spouse should know

Vote A
Yes, because they deserve it for hurting me

Vote B
No, the intent isn't to help the spouse but to hurt the cheater

Vote C
No, it's not my business

Vote D
Other

Vote E

Select age and gender to cast your vote:

I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

Updates:

I wish people would read the question.
This is a HYPOTHETICAL on what YOU would do if in this situation.

This is not a real scenario, for me or anyone I know. If you can't read please don't answer, though if you couldn't be assed to read the question properly I doubt you'll read the update 🙄

2039

If you slept with someone - knowing full well that they were married - would you tell their spouse as revenge when they dumped you?

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Most Helpful Guy

JimRSmith
Guru mho 18%

I wouldn't want to inflict the emotional damage upon the innocent spouse.

It will probably happen to them at some point, but I'd consider that I'd already done enough damage to them by having an affair with their wife behind their back.

It's yet another great reason not to do this. Innocent people also get hurt. I'd already be ashamed enough of myself without compounding it further.
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THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE

Most Helpful Girl

SarahsSummer
Master mho 16%

I would never sleep with a married guy and amy pain that came to me if I did, I would deserve. Hurting the innocent spouse is uncalled for and not helping anyone.
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THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
- SarahsSummer
  Master
  
  Thanks for the mho💟
  
  Reply

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What Guys Said 38

looneymalooney
9 Xper mho 43%

doing that will only prove the bitch of a woman/man you are, as you already slept with that person knowing he/she is married. Even more, doing that only because that person decided to stop seeing you at some point. So you are not doing it to correct a mistake you've made, but to make sure you destroy everything there is left out of that marriage just to feed the low life bitch ego you have.

It wouldn't minimize the fact that the other person that cheated is a cunt.
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- Wonderer89
  Master
  
  Fail at reading
  
  Reply
- looneymalooney
  9 Xper
  
  think i've told this story before. I was once called over by this girl to help her out. she was married. the day I was supposed to go, her husband was out of town. she called me on a Saturday morning when she usually woke up at around 1 in the evening.
  I have to admit I was so stressed, that I really thought her help request was genuine. Only as I ended up in front of her door and she opened up, I realized she wanted to have sex.
  I gently avoided her jumping on me, she figured out it's a no, so I left. Nothing else. If she cheated with someone else? None of my business. I'm not friends with her to give her a speech and I have no idea who her husband is.
  We lost touch.
  
  Reply
- looneymalooney
  9 Xper
  
  what?
  
  Reply
jp612612
Guru mho 59%

I guess I can't speak for everyone, but I always sort of assume that all guys pretty much feel the same about this. If you hook up with a woman who happens to have a boyfriend or is married, it's none of your concern. In fact, it's the other guy's fault that she's doing this at all because if he were keeping her happy, she wouldn't be here with you. I'm sure that's just victim blaming and rationalization, but it always seemed like a reasonable defense at the time.
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- Wonderer89
  Master
  
  I've got this map in my mind of stereotypes I think would choose each option... the guys are split in half with "not my circus, not my monkey" and "bro's before ho's" but then the women have more variables
  
  Reply
- namelesz
  1 Xper
  
  Naw im saying no it doesn't do anything good and i wouldn't tell its childish and if she doesn't want you no point any way
  
  Reply
ohshee
6 Xper mho 17%

I've been picked up on or try to be picked up on by 3 married women and to this day if I bump into them they always say I love you and I respect you so much returning me down I can't believe you're the only guy that's ever turned me down all three of them have said this so the answer is no I would not sleep with married women you know I would never intentionally hurt anybody anyway
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- ohshee
  6 Xper
  
  Wonderet can i ask what would u do
  
  Reply
- Wonderer89
  Master
  
  I can't imagine myself ever doing this; KNOWING he was married as loyalty is my #1 most valued attribute but if I had I don't think I could tell her. I'd only be doing so to try and salvage my own pride at being dumped and it wouldn't be fair to put my pride and ego as a priority when I wasn't willing to put her feelings above my sexual desires when I would've found out about their marriage but gone through with it anyway
  
  Reply
WalterRadio
9 Xper mho 14%

No, one should not.

First of all, if one is dating a married person, she is accepting that she is #2. If the guy breaks up with her, so what, she was only #2. It was never going anywhere anyway. It was just about sex.

Secondly, that is being intentionally harmful, and that is just not a nice thing to do.
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- Yasmine007
  4 Xper
  
  These were my first thoughts too, but shouldn't the spouse know they married a cheater? Just thinking out loud
  
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- Apope16
  7 Xper
  
  @Yasmine007 its the cheaters job to tell. Nobody else is responsible for the marriage but the couple.
  
  Reply
- Yasmine007
  4 Xper
  
  Okay yeah I also agree with that. However, cheaters generally don't really tend to tell... right?
  
  Reply
- Apope16
  7 Xper
  
  @Yasmine007 yes. Cheaters usually dont. Ignorance is bliss. The cheater is the sinner more so than anyone else. I wonder if cheaters ever feel bad. I mean sex is pleasurable. Dont they only regret being caught?
  
  Reply
- Yasmine007
  4 Xper
  
  I don't understand cheaters either. My guess is they really don't feel bad about cheating as long as they're not caught.
  
  Reply
- Apope16
  7 Xper
  
  @Yasmine007 I've emotionally cheated without thinking it was cheating. Just talking to a girl online about my girlfriend. Venting frustration. Having too much candor about her attractiveness. All while saying I loved my girlfriend and wanted to work things out. I never met the woman until after I got dumped.
  
  Do I talk to friends at 2am in the morning? Do I express to close friends they are attractive. Do I talk about relationships and vent? Yes. Yes to each question.
  
  Do i think i was cheating? no. Can I see why my ex thought so? Yes.
  
  Reply
- Yasmine007
  4 Xper
  
  Hmm I think if it was true at the moment you told that girl online you loved your girlfriend and wanted to work things out, it wasn't cheating. However, if your girlfriend didn't know you were talking to that girl online because you didn't want your girlfriend to know, that could be a sign you did feel like you were cheating if you know what I mean.
  But then again, maybe I just want to think that's not cheating because otherwise one could say I'm doing the same by being on this app. And my boyfriend doesn't know I'm on here... because in my head it sounds weird to say to him like, "Hey I'm talking about you and our relationship and stuff online to random strangers."
  
  But I don't understand why you mention the three questions about talking to friends at 2am?
  I'm sorry maybe it's me, it's past midnight here and I'm sleepy.
  
  Reply
- WalterRadio
  9 Xper
  
  @Yasmine007
  "shouldn't the spouse know they married a cheater?"
  How is that going to make anyone's life better?
  
  If a married person is having sex with someone else, (s) he is not getting everything (s) he needs and wants from the spouse. That doesn't mean the marriage is not valued. Having sex with someone else may be the only way to keep what the marriage partners both value in each other.
  
  Maybe the spouse knows. Maybe not. But being told is not going to help the relationship they have.
  
  Reply
- Apope16
  7 Xper
  
  @Yasmine007 We had very deep and intimate conversations. I originally talked to her because I was flirting with her during a break up. I had no idea my girlfriend would change her mind. I was broken and a mess. My girlfriend had said she didn't need me and could get any guy instead of me. So I started talking to this chic because I felt she was saying that no chic would want me. I felt worthless. Being attractive to someone else improved my self esteem you know?
  
  I was very honest and blunt. We were blunt with each other. We both would up back with our exes and continued chatting.
  
  I kept it a secret from my ex. It wasn't because I thought I was cheating. It was because I didn't want her to know what I was saying while venting about my girlfriend to her. My friends had moved away. I had no outlet or person to talk to about issues in my relationship.
  
  A few months after the final dumping from my ex. I met the girl and we had sex. Mainly because I was broken hearted and went nuts. Im EVIL. :(
  
  Reply
- Yasmine007
  4 Xper
  
  @WalterRadio
  How is cheating in the first place going to make anyone's life better? I mean I wish people would just not cheat in the first place, and single people shouldn't knowing sleep with someone who is not.
  Knowing isn't going to make anyone's life better. But what if the crime had been murder instead of cheating: as the spouse is it better not to know you married a murderer? I'm not putting murder and cheating on the same level, I mean that in both cases the spouse is in the dark and being lied to.
  Personally I do see cheating as a crime, and I see marriage as a relationship where you don't or shouldn't have to lie to each other.
  If a married person isn't getting everything in terms of sex, they should fulfil their fantasies through porn, not with another real person who also has feelings and is just being used if they intend to stay with their spouse anyway.
  
  Reply
- Yasmine007
  4 Xper
  
  @Apope16
  Well in this scenario you and the girl online both knew you were interested in each other. Yes I understand that improved your self esteem, and that you wouldn't want to tell your ex what you were saying about her. But I think maybe it would have been better to not have kept in contact after you both went back to your relationships. Because you (and the online girl both) could have been unconsciously sabotaging your current relationship by keeping in touch. I also understand people need an outlet but then better talk to someone who's like neutral in the situation; or better still, confront your partner directly (I'm not trying to be a hypocrite, I know it's easier said than done and I don't like confrontation either).
  
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- Apope16
  7 Xper
  
  @Yasmine007 nope. Good point. That was before I knew of this place. I was messed up. Am I evil then?
  
  Reply
- Apope16
  7 Xper
  
  @Yasmine007 all good points. I wouldn't cheat in a marriage. But then again, what is cheating? To me it's about intention.
  
  Reply
- Yasmine007
  4 Xper
  
  @Apope16
  No I don't think you're evil. I agree it's about intention, I think it's already cheating when you are in contact with someone you see as a potential replacement of your current partner.
  
  Reply
- Apope16
  7 Xper
  
  @Yasmine007 oh. Well. That makes me feel guilty. :(
  
  Reply
- Yasmine007
  4 Xper
  
  @Apope16
  Hahah that's just my opinion. I guess it depends on the real reason why you kept in contact with the online girl after your now ex girlfriend changed her mind and you two made up again.
  
  Reply
- Apope16
  7 Xper
  
  @Yasmine007 the real reason was low self esteem. My girlfriend had made a comment that she didn't need me and could have sex with any man if she wanted. I felt she was suggesting i couldn't get a lady. That no lady would value me because i was poor.
  
  It was an ego boost to shattered self esteem.
  
  I told the online girl i loved my girlfriend. We conceded there was attraction tho. If i thought of it as cheating i wouldn't have done it.
  
  It dont matter what i think tho., reality is perception.
  
  Reply
- Wonderer89
  Master
  
  The PM function would be great to utilise here thanks guys
  
  Reply
- Apope16
  7 Xper
  
  Sorry!
  
  Reply
Apope16
7 Xper mho 13%

Last night I made out with a married woman. It was a woman who was in an arranged marriage with her own cousin. Gross.. I know..

She begged me to meet with her and begged me to kiss her.

I do not love her. But, as a man, I know that a woman begging for you lustfully is rare in life. Life is short. So I made out with her. We might have gone to 2nd or 3rd base.

I had moral feelings before doing it. She was persistent. I came to the conclusion that I might as well kiss her out of curiosity because her marriage is none of my business. I would never go outside of my relationship, but I am single now. If she wants to go outside of her marriage, that is her responsibility. That is her burden.

No. I will not tell this dude I dont even know. No i do not feel any guilt for kissing her. Their marriage is none of my business.

I have a voluntary friendship with the wife. That's between us. I have been blunt that it was a one time kiss. If I were in her position I would never tell unless asked directly.
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- darklandrunner
  4 Xper
  
  You should hav just did her
  
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- Apope16
  7 Xper
  
  @darklandrunner Lol. She didn't want to have sex. Just make out. I only do things based on consent. There was a chic 2 nights before her that wanted to sleep over for the weekend but she was cray cray so I said hell no.
  
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- darklandrunner
  4 Xper
  
  It happens but the more cray cray the better the lay lay
  
  Reply
- Apope16
  7 Xper
  
  @darklandrunner haha. I bitched her iut today snd she's still liking my fb posts. Single women be cray cray
  
  Reply
FakeName123
Guru mho 12%

What? So you know prior that that person is married - still sleep with him/her and then decide to be a douchebag^10 and tell their spouse?

Why not just NOT sleep with that person to begin with?
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- Wonderer89
  Master
  
  Did you even read it? Like at all?
  
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- FakeName123
  Guru
  
  Yes, I am aware it is not meant that you did it specifically - but other than that it comes down to the same. Out of spite or not doesn't really matter. Its a dickmove either way.
  
  Reply
- Wonderer89
  Master
  
  A dick move in a completely made up situation. So directing your answer personally at me without even answering the question asked is idiotic but thanks for your time
  
  Reply
- FakeName123
  Guru
  
  Way to be butthurt over nothing. Calm your tits.
  
  Reply
- Wonderer89
  Master
  
  Tits are calm 👍🏻
  
  Reply
WhereAmI
Guru mho 8%

F&*k no if I initiated the relationship. I don't need a psycho hubby coming after me. :/

He'll find out himself in due time.
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- Wonderer89
  Master
  
  Truth always comes out at some point!
  
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- WhereAmI
  Guru
  
  Hopefully it'll be with the next guy she's willing to sleep with and I'm a distant memory since she's over me.
  
  Reply
torken
Guru mho 30%

No. I'd have to be delusional to think that my "relationship" with a married woman wouldn't eventually come to an end. I mean come on! she's in a legal binding agreement with someone.
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milfhunter
1 Xper mho 0%

If you fucked him knowing he was with someone then no you shouldn't tell her its your own fault so stop being a baby and get over it. If he lied and you did not know he was with someone then it would be a different story but it was ok her not knowing while you were fucking him so whats changed not he has got bored of you?
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Maik567
9 Xper mho 13%

I would never do that in the first place, but regardless of that I think there is nothing wrong with telling their partner of what happened. The cheaters partner deserves to know he/she is being cheated on.
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maxy616
1 Xper mho 0%

Karma is a bitch
You f each other... then he f u... now you asking if you should f him... do it!!! but karma will once again come for you
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- Wonderer89
  Master
  
  Try reading the question again
  
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- maxy616
  1 Xper
  
  Check the answe I wrote
  "do it!!!"
  
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- Wonderer89
  Master
  
  You've said fuck him again. This isn't about me fucking anyone, it's a hypothetical question on where people's morality is based. If you're intertwining your meaning of "fucked" between having sex and then telling their spouse then clarification of that would be great
  
  Reply
- maxy616
  1 Xper
  
  Oh... sorry
  Let me se... my morality is so hi up that when i saw you saying you f... married man I went berserk. soo yea blackmail him with pictures to never cheat again. to be a good husband and a father... I would make something good out of it
  
  Reply
gjd47233
5 Xper mho 2%

It takes 2 to cheat. You would know what your actions lead to so you're partially responsible
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- Wonderer89
  Master
  
  That's not really the question though?
  
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burpzzzzz
5 Xper mho 5%

I slept with a married woman 17 years ago. She didn't tell me until 3 weeks after we had sex. Mind you she was legally separated so I guess it' wasn't cheating. I will never knowing have sex with a married woman.
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- Apope16
  7 Xper
  
  Legally separated? you good bro. There was nothing wrong there.
  
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namelesz
1 Xper mho 0%

No i had a situation simular to this im not-sure if she was married but when things ended i wouldn't do that to her she was special oddly enough we never fight hated always luv and cared and resepcted so when it ended i knew where her boyfriend worked and everything but it would just made me a bad person
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VV3ZZY
6 Xper mho 4%

If I was the type of person who would sleep with a married man, then I guess I would also want revenge cuz I'd be a psychotic psycho
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Catskills
4 Xper mho 15%

he/she should walk away and avoid sleeping with married people, because the same thing will happen again, or they end up breaking the marriage.
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truthbeknown
Master mho 29%

No, I would feel bad for taking what wasn't mine in the first place and just leave it at that.
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jimmychanga
1 Xper mho 0%

Id say I'd leave it to karma, but at the same time, what the eff are you married for If you are gonna f around... so I'd prolly tell
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HGG3805
6 Xper mho 23%

Of course not. Walk away. At one time you valued your relationship with that person, respect that life moves on and so should you.
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BronzedAdonis
Guru mho 5%

I most likely wouldn't, don't need the drama and generally I'm not a vindictive person.
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More from Guys
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What Girls Said 19

Cmasterson
Guru mho 39%

If you want to be really petty- there are people that will do this because they want to hurt the cheater- it sucks in the first place that this is even the scenario but one should own up to their actions, and people get dumped all the time just in this case, the dumpee has more leverage.
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witherwing
Guru mho 42%

If I was to do something as low as that, I would also be coward and cover my own ass, by not telling anyone. I couldn't bear the embarrassment and shame of admitting to people I've done such a thing fully knowing the other person was married. I would be as selfish as to think it would hurt myself more than anyone else to go tattling.
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pinkzoesbb
9 Xper mho 12%

I wouldn't contact the spouse. I'd deal with the heart break. If I knew the guy was married going into the affair and expected him to leave I would just be fooling myself. Destroying a family isn't in me. Seeking revenge out of spite wouldn't change the outcome. It's a big no for me.
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linds34
Guru mho 25%

I wouldn't sleep with a married person but if someone dumps you, it's childish to try to get revenge. And of course with a married person, you're just going to be a fling, so I don't know how you wouldn't see it coming anyway.
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zeraq
1 Xper mho 6%

All make mistakes and the (married ones to) so no. Even if they did cheat with u , they will always go back to the one they love. U knew he was married and u knew the risk. It be wrong to tell his partner just to get back at him and in the proces hurt the inocent one
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SitaDevi
3 Xper mho 25%

First off if I was the mistress, honestly I would not have sex with a guy who is married or spoken for, but hypothetically let's say I am a slut, I would think emotions would be felt during sexual encounters and she would call the wife to try to break that relationship up...

Now as a wife if I ever get a call with evidence showing that this girl slept with my man, I would thank her, and hope the best for her on her new relationship with my soon to be ex husband because honestly I believe it's not just the mistress to be blamed but the husband as well two people make the choice to have sex and of he can't be faithful to me then I would not want to dedicate and devote anymore time to him better let the garbage go and get decomposed someone else rid free of trash in your life if you know what I mean
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- Wonderer89
  Master
  
  Really? You'd thank someone and wish her well when she knew full well exactly what she was doing? That she knew about you and your family but chose to sleep with him anyway? It's not all her fault, at all but she is just as culpable in terms of being a decent human being.
  I could never wish someone who would do this well in their next relationships lol
  
  Reply
- SitaDevi
  3 Xper
  
  Yes well, I did that, I divorced my husband of 2 years the day a girl came to my door telling me she loved my husband and showed evidence of them being together. This girl knew he was married, my exact words to her was "Well, must be hard for you to come all this way to tell me you're a slut, but I appreciate your honesty and thank you for it, now the both of you could be together, because I believe God creates angels in pairs why not demons, so take care and enjoy your life, now get out of my f#£#ing house"... That same day I dealt with the situation personally with him and left. People deal with things differently... I suppose
  
  Reply
Izumiblu
Guru mho 24%

Lol at the update. I can't say what I would do because I just can't picture myself in that situation but ill answer it this way. I think its wrong. That's a messed up person that does that. Its
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karahiri
Master mho 16%

no. seems too destructive. people kill over things like that.
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Bonnie12I27I12
6 Xper mho 11%

no. thats really stupid, childish and a great way to make yourself look like a whore.
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samhradh_leannan
Guru mho 25%

I think I might, but only because the spouse deserves to know.
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rachelle_145
1 Xper mho 3%

They should know that their husband or wife cheated on them
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xXiTacoXx
Guru mho 10%

I hit other because I'm not a hoe and would ever be in that type of situation to begin with.
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Rerig
1 Xper mho 0%

I wouldn't tell on him cause why did I slept with him in the first place if I knew he was married.
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Monikin
1 Xper mho 20%

No.. Have you seen that show Deadly Women?
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fabulouspancakes
6 Xper mho 20%

No I wouldn't.
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momo770
9 Xper mho 10%

No, I am not in a relationship with the spouse.
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Kelly6
7 Xper mho 8%

dont do it
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- Wonderer89
  Master
  
  Not the question
  
  Reply
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- Kelly6
  7 Xper
  
  thats good
  
  Reply
- Wonderer89
  Master
  
  So is reading the question before answering 🙂
  
  Reply
- Kelly6
  7 Xper
  
  its a long question, sorry
  
  Reply
Anonymous

I wouldn't sleep with a married man, but I would tell cause they should know
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- Wonderer89
  Master
  
  Just to clarify you think his wife should know because you feel bad about what you did to her? In the hypothetical?
  
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- Opinion Owner
  
  Yeah.. I wouldn't want someone staying in a marriage with a cheating man
  
  Reply
- MysteriousDarkness
  8 Xper
  
  @OpinionOwner You would be a part of the problem. By telling them what happen they will most likely question it.
  
  Reply
- Opinion Owner
  
  I could have proof
  
  Reply
- Yasmine007
  4 Xper
  
  This goes for me too.
  
  Reply
Anonymous

nah, it would probably backfire and I'm not that bitter.. or stupid for that matter, or I like to believe that at least lol
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Home > Break Up & Divorce > If you slept with someone - knowing full well that they were married - would you tell their spouse as revenge when they dumped you?

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