My Ex is trying to be my friend?

So I was dating this girl for the past 4 years and everything was great until out of the blue she said that "She needed space." I kinda overreacted because I tend to do that about things I care about that take a huge left turn, but anyway she then said "I'll contact you when i'm ready." Being naive I thought that meant "I need a break from you right now.". So a few weeks pass and she starts talking to me again and then she would stop. ( this process went on for a few months). So now we skip to this week and she sent me a friend request on Facebook and I accepted it. Now still being in love with her I asked her why she wanted space from me? I didn't know what I did because when I would ask her she wouldn't answer the question directly. So she tells me yesterday that " I didn't like the way i was being treated and I don't need to settle for less than I deserve." The funny thing is I have NEVER disrespected her until you know i kinda overreacted at first. We were in a LDR (she moved a year in our relationship) and i made that commitment with her for the last 3 years and I even flew to another country to see her. So when I asked her what i did that was mistreating for her she couldn't even give me an answer and then said "I'd rather just be by myself." Which sent me fuming. I've treated her like a queen and i loved that girl to death. I'm not trying to sound like the best boyfriend in the world but i was REALLY good to her. But now she says "I just want to be friends with you." but I can't do that. She really hurt me by 1. Not even addressing her feelings a long time ago about how she felt towards me. 2. Lying to my face saying I treated her badly and 3. Thinking she can just come out of nowhere and expect everything to be good so we can be friends. I'm trying to move on but this has been very stressful for me and not to mention I have med school finals tomorrow which doesn't help. Anyone have any advice on what to do? Sorry for the rant I just needed to vent peeps.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • U need to cut off contact. She is just tagging u along. Next time she tries to contact don't respond. She will know u r no play toy of hers.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • In your situation, if you're coming from a place of never wanting her back then I'd say cut if off. Feel free to tell her or not. Doesn't matter. Just go with, "that's just not us anymore and we both know why" then say goodbye or something to that affect. Delete her on whatever social she has you on. No need to block her unless she's really pressing it.

    If you love her and part of you want her in your life still, then keep her as a friend on facebook and hide her page/posts from you ever seeing her unless you decide you want to. Don't text her and make her relatively invisible. You don't want to chase her in any way shape or form. She left you. Her saying you treated her bad really doesn't matter. Girls will color their memories based on their emotions towards you at the time or in the moment. You could tease her and if she has positive feelings towards you she will laugh and take it as you meant it. If she has negative feelings towards you she will take it as being mean or a subtle jab at her. So honestly, don't get caught up in that. It doesn't matter.

    What matters is that you're pissed at her right now and you still love her and don't want to block her (what I assume). So, just put her on ice for now. She doesn't decide when you two talk or when it's okay for you two to be friends again if that's even something you want. That's your decision to make. She's already open to it, at least on the surface. You need to make that decision for yourself when you're ready to do so.

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    • i've blocked her on everything but FB. I do love her, but I also feel betrayed and I don't even know what I did or how i mistreated her. She claims she tried to tell me but she never did. Everyone says to get over it, but that was the first girl I truly fell in love with and would drop anything if she needed anything. I just don't get why people act like this to people that care for them. I told her we can't be friends and why that was. She read it but never replied so I'm just gonna leave it at that. Thanks for the comment by the way.

    • *nods* good move. Maybe you can salvage something in the future if you want anything at all down the road.

      And no problem brotha man. I know situations like this are just bullshit.

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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 2

  • Agree with all of the above. Tell her that being friends just doesn't work for you. How are you supposed to move along and find the next great love of your life if she's in the background? If you want her back the next time she texts just try and make a date. If she says no, tell her it was great hearing from her and if she wants to get together to reach out. Rinse repeat. If after two times doing this she still says no then stop trying.

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  • She's using you as a safety net or a second choice guy.

    Before long, she'll start using you as an emotional tampon by telling you problems she's got with her friends and/or guys she's been flirting with or trying to date.

    Don't cut off contact suddenly. Do it gradually.

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