Ladies, am I pathetic for holding on to a woman who doesn't want to be held on to?

My ex of two years left me about two months ago. For no apparent reason other than "I'm tired of showing you where I'm going and been, it's too much" which in fact I didn't press her about it. We went through a break up before, our first major one, and I was crushed! We didn't speak for a good month. But she came back. This time, I get a different feeling. Mind you, I won't sit here and say I was the best boyfriend because I wasn't. I had a bad attitude problem and a temper. There's thing I wish I didn't say nor do. But now that's she's gone, I can't stop thinking of her. And the part that kills me the most is, I don't even think she cares to even begin to think of me as a thought or after thought, period. She's hitting the gym, losing weight, enjoying life. And I'm scared to get on instagram because of her captions and the fear that I might see her with another guy. People tell me to change my mind but it's hard. When I lay down at night all I could think about is her. Another thing that kills me is, she can go so long without talking to me. I know it's over but fuck, why do you wanna detach yourself like that? No friendship, no "hey just checking on you" no nothing. I know she's happy without me, I can't get out of my own way smh. Ladies, can you help me please?
Ladies, am I pathetic for holding on to a woman who doesn't want to be held on to?
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