Losing myself or finding myself?

Typical bad relationships, first ex cheated on me then met my next ex when she moved to my school. Ended the same way, she was still seeing her previous "ex" So my best friend told me to sign up for these online dating apps and found someone who I talked to for months then she ghosted me then messaged me 2 months later saying she found someone else. Found another girl on a different app and we talked for 2 years, meet up a few times and she told me she loved me but a month later she told me she lied to me and herself. She never loved me. She really broke me. I didn't cry, I rarely ever do.
Before these relationships I was the happy go lucky guy always with a smile dress in brightly colours. A nice guy to everyone.
I don't think I've become depressed but I've started to smile a lot less and wearing dark clothes. No longer a nice guy nor an asshole or a dick. I don't go out and do loads of overtime at work to keep myself distracted. I see women and I find them attractive although I always push them away when they get too close. I can't feel my heart anymore. An empty void.
Not sure if I miss my old self as I'm starting to like how dark and cold I am.
I really like the quote by Morty -
"Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. Everybody's gonna die."


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  • Sounds like Morty was trying to teach a little bit about duality

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