Eeeew. You're gross for laying all that on him. It only makes you look psycho, by the way. He wasn't asking that. You have NO CLUE what happened in their PRIVATE 13 year relationship. Damn. It ain't your business. Tighten up, lady. Your screws are fallin out.
You obviously have zero experience with real life...
@Louloubum Who the heck are you to even be stating that yourself? He asked for opinion on a new relationship after divorce, and I just said that it is not a smart idea. I don't care how long he has been with somebody. If you have desire to take life seriously, then you're responsible for your choices as an adult. This is no time to be selfish because things didn't work out right. I can see why people have serious issues.
@Claire2017 If I have no experience with real life, then I wouldn't be on GaG. Let alone saying the things I'm SAYING. A lot of you are selfish and you expect things to go right, however way you want it. When you have kids, it's not a simple walk in the park. That is why I said right. I feel sorry for the kids.
I'm just saying it sounds like it's already done. he's not thinking of divorce, it sounds like it happened already. maybe his wife divorced him, maybe he has no choice in the matter and here you are calling him selfish about it. he might have just been through hell. You know nothing, Jon Snow.
Like I said. Marriage is not designed for selfish people. Now the kids are stuck in this mess. Both of them whether they want to stay together or not have to work together to focus on the kids. Or else the kids, god forbid will grow up doing the same mess. Besides if it ain't my business, then neither is it, your business, or anybody else's business on here. He shared his business by posting this up as a question, stating he is getting out of a 13-year marriage. Therefore, he chose to share his business. I stated what I stated. Something isn't right with a lot of you people's heads.
@Louloubum Even if he didn't ask for the divorce. He still has to focus on his kids. Not a new relationship at this point, stage and time. That is what I mean by being selfish. Relationships shouldn't even cross the mind.
You got that right. I just hope making other people feel small does make you feel better soon, even if it's at the expense of others. Sounds like you've been hurt or maybe you just need an ego boost. Hope things look up for you soon and this need to judge and belittle others fades. You do seem like you have a good head on your shoulders. good luck to you.
ah yeah, ok I see your point. i see what you mean.
Sounds like you've never been married with kids. If you did you would understand that a parent living in depression or just going through the motions does not help the kids whatsoever. There are plenty of valid reasons for divorce. You don't even know what his are and you're sitting here judging.
@Claire2017 My parents before my mom died have been married for 24 years, talked about divorce all throughout my life, every mouth of every year, even before I was born, all the way to the time she was bedridden. Both depressed and of course highly immature. You think I don't KNOW? I lived through that HELL. I know what marriage is supposed to be, and the only reason for divorce is unless abuse or adultery.Marriage, first of all, is not about HAPPINESS. That is the one lie that has been told through the ages. Marriage is about obligation, commitment. Happiness is what each spouse needs to be responsible for individually. Both partners need's to work together and stop trying to change each other, belittle each other, curse each other, and being selfish. Marriage is no game. It takes a lot of work. That is why you don't make promises you can't keep. You get married on a whim. I'm not just getting on anybody's case. I even got on my own parent's case. Many of you don't know what the
hell you're getting into. But you say 'I do' to a life-changing course that is meant to test your ability to survive, trust, and teach you to be selfless. Yes, you will argue, you will fight, you will go through. But you DON'T Give UP! If you can't give yourself and sacrifice Everyday 100% of your time and dedication, then you will do best to STAY SINGLE. Unless one of you break that covenant like Jesus has said. What is joined together, let it never separate. That was his choice. As well as it was his ex-wife's choice. It takes two to tango to make a marriage. It is not for the faint of heart.
Also to add. Marriage is not about you. It is about that other person you desire to commit to for LIFE. We as adults need's to stop being commitment phobic and be an example for the younger generation. For they are our future.
@btbc92 oh no how awful! omgosh I can't even imagine being that unhappy. why would I ever get married? It's just not something that i understand. my heart goes out to you. I hope you find peace and joy. I'd pay good money to see you smile so I can forget about this whole thread. the pain in here is pretty haunting.
My life is about the pursuit of happiness - mine and those around me. You and I have very different philosophies on life, that's all. I wish you well in your pursuit of misery.
If they keep seeing that we give up on things that are important, what are they going to learn from us? That's it's okay to give up when things get hot and heated, when trouble starts, and to walk away when trying to confront an issue. That's why many walk away from their own parents because can't stand it and step up. We can't keep doing this. At least, I wouldn't repeat the mistakes mine have done. I say this as a lesson for everybody. I am in no way saying he is not deserving to be happy. But he needs to prioritize his responsibilities and understand that his hands are tied at the moment. And not be stupid enough to jump into another relationship while not first confronting his own personal issues. Because like death, divorce leaves scars that don't fully heal. Divorce is death of a marriage. And it affects everybody in it.
@Claire2017 Then you just admitted to me that you care about being selfish as long as you get it at the expense of other people. So good luck with that. Apparently, you haven't learned much in all of your years. Thankfully, I learn I don't have to pity people for something I don't have to worry about, once they end up in a hole.
Actually my years have taught me that life is too short to be miserable. You owe it to your spouse to do all you can to make it work. It that doesn't work then hell yeah, bring on the selfish. I will own that with pride. I don't want your pity - your views are laughable to me. Someday you will look back and see how rigid you were and how it didn't serve you well.
@Claire2017 Oh please. You have issues. Serious ones that need's working out. But will give you a friendly warning though. If you don't learn the easy way, life will force you to learn the way. And sadly, it may even cost you your life. Actually, it served me quite well, is why I am able to move on past the nonsense and share my testimony to others who need's it, not waste it on foolishness. You say you learned something? Well, hopefully, you can put it to good practice. And you say you own it with pride? Don't you know that pride comes before that fall?
But your attitude tells me that you are far from being happy in your love life so far. I can tell your hiding it to boast. One thing I can't stand is fake. You're aren't fooling me.
Keep your religion to yourself. I'm not interested.
Who says' I'm talking about religion? I'm talking about life which you refuse to acknowledge. 47 years old, still can't get it together.
i don't think you know much about a bad marriage or having kids. i do. sometimes that's the best for everyone. what is better? kids seeing their parents unhappy, or meeting a happy daddy at the weekends
@LunaJ yes, and just an observation, but btbc92 mentioned that her parents stayed together despite hating each other and she still helf fast to the idea that this is the best way. What I think is that when you use your children as an excuse to stay together despite being unhappy, someone like btbc92 can be the result. As a child, seeing miserable parents stick it out becomes programmed into your psyche and it wreaks havoc on your internal compass. You may grow to feel like love is a duty, happiness is a pipe dream and self-care is selfish and so on... I think the only difference is that I have seen what happens when a parent liberates themselves of misery and goes on to live a passionate joyful life. As a child it marked me when my parents split up. My mom lost all the weight & went back to school. My dad got a sports car and started taking karate, travelling to south america... I can't imagine them being together now... they are such different people, it would have been awful.
@Louloubum i would give a like 👍 at your reply if could. your parents are great example at people who don't give time to get to know each other on a deep level before marriage. ^^ then the differences are just too huge to be it worth to stay together
Again, if you people want to get married just to fool around and divorce that's is your life. My parents situation have o to do with being programmed. As I said before. You don't get married just for you to divorce. I don't care if you are different people. It's not about happiness. I told you before. If happiness is more important to people, again, stay single. Many of you should have thought about that before opening up your legs and getting kids or ever getting married. That is the problem. Having premarital sex and then you want go blame the other spouse for your issues. Your doing no different than what my parents did. That is the point I am making out. How your selfishness and sinful ways got you all in the positions you places yourself in without thinking of the future implication.
Louloubum, I'm sorry but your way off bace about my life. Who said anything about being programmed into thinking Love is duty. You didn't think I got into a heated argument that could have got me arrested and put out in the streets because I said about my father just divorcing my mother because she was sick? I can only forgive you for to your ignorance of the situation. my parents dilemma was due to the fact that they did not wait till marriage to have sex. same way it is for your parents and like most people. that is the main point I was stating. how your sexual choices now will affect your sexual choices in the future. as I said before marriage is not for the weak of heart and is not for the sick of just happiness. everybody and their marriage is responsible for their own happiness and that is what is not teaching you before you get married.
the point of marriage is to break you of your selfishness and learn to be selfless for your spouse that includes both parties. if you both are really paying attention to my explanation on how marriage is supposed to work you would not be stating the things that you're stating. this is simple marriage basic that they now have to teach people in premarital counseling as it now is considered essential. that's why I tell a lot of people if you think marriage is full of fun and games without any work putting effort into it then stay single. you just wind up miserable. but like I said it's your life you want to teach your kids to haul around and messed up their that's on y'all.
roflif you think a good marriage isn't about love... i hope you stay single forever
what's ridiculous is how in the world can any of you guys talk when you guys are doing the same mistakes your parents are doing? and you call it fine or normal. like I said if your parents did not go through adultery or abuse there was no reason for them to divorce. if you can so much talk about that then you cannot use your parents as an excuse about how you got marked.
where are you putting this ridiculous words in my mouth stop putting words in somebody's mouth? I just told you that happiness have nothing to do with the marriage has everything to do with what you decide to put in and what your spouse decide to putting on a table. love is an action not just an emotion. goes to show you you are hard of hearing and just want to listen to what you want to listen to. again learn to listen and not just hear only. pay attention. you need more than love than just up hold a marriage.
that is why a lot of people stay single because it takes a lot of work. at the same time you don't need somebody who's going to fight with you all the time over Petty nonsense. you cool down you take a break and you talk about it like civil adults. this is why you talk about these things before you become official with somebody in dating. not one about how cute a guy is or how fly and sexy. or how she got a big ass, you're ready to tap that. that's that garbage that goes through your brains and you want to know why you got into problems you end up with. understand what I'm saying, you need more than love just to uphold a marriage. this is real life, not this fantasy crap people keep reading in those books and see on TV. if you have nothing else to offer other than your body or love or whatever it is that you want the promise then you don't need to be married. that is all I'm telling people.
another thing to point out, since both of you want to diss me about me not knowing about marriage or children. let me just point out that is not about the good times all the bad times you deal with in marriage. it's about the process that you both go through together what it if it's true suffering or in enduring the hard times. many do not take it seriously into somebody actually does something that will affect their marriage. everybody Handles in marriage differently but it still requires the same amount of work. some require more than others. but marriage is still a marriage. if you cannot foresee yourself being committed to that person to the day you die then it's already over before it even started.
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Hi how are you and your kids doing?
Much better, thanks. That was years ago, but leaving was the best decision I've ever made😊
That's good to hear
don't fear from love, i say. just don't make it a life goal... and when you don't expect it.. happens
Generally people his age are more understanding about dating people with kids. You don't get to 36 without a little complication in some form or other.
@Claire2017 I wasn't trying to insult him. Just telling him something to bare in mi d. I agree people are more excepting of kids in their 30s, but still newly single people sometimes don't realize it will add complications to an already complicated thing. You are not only dating for yourself but your kids. Plus even some 30 year olds don't want to date someone with kids, because not everyone likes kids or wants them
I agree, even at any age for some people it's a deal breaker!
i don't think you're married or having kids at all.
No. But I'm born of a marriage. Unsuccessful one.
ah, the kid point of view. ofc that's different. in this case i understand your answer. but don't forget, people don't plan the things to go wrong. you can never know the back story of someone. by my case, i was hearing the "get somebody " so many times, that i started with someone who liked me, and i didn't much. now i have a 1yo baby, he is married with someone else, n he feels bad that can see her kid only once a month (if manages to visit)
If you chose wrongly , that's your mistake and it's fair if you pay for your own mistake but the kids haven't made any mistakes, they haven't done anything wrong, while they're the ones who are really paying for their parents' mistakes. THAT'S NOT FAIR.I repeat it again:you have no right to have children if you can't guarantee them a happy family and a happy life.
thats your parents fault that they couldnt keep a good connection between each other. we don't have this problem. I'm not paying for anything. that's your choice if you see your life miserable. we don't see ours that way.
I didn't say your paying. I said it's fair if you pay for your mistakes. Divorced parents usually don't see their lives miserable, that's true. They feel reborn. But they make their children's lives miserable. You can speak for yourself but not for your 1yo baby... he/she will speak my words someday and willll speak them loudly.
you're totally wrong about my baby. i don't think someone would complain for having 2 places to call home. one in a big city, other by the sea. and being bilingual by birth
I do hope you're right.