Girlfriend has contact with ex. How to react?

So, I'll cut to the chase.

My girl-friend dumped her boyfriend(they were together for 3 years) for me, I met her while she was still with him and we kissed. One week later she broke up with him for me. We have spoken about why she "cheated on him" and she told me their relationship was really bad, she had no feelings etc for him at all.

In the start, he called her and was really sad, she spoke with him and so on to calm him down (yeah, I get it). But after 2-3 weeks they broke contact (When we went public with our relationship). I guess he moved on a bit because he started to date a girl.

When my Girlfriend saw this on facebook, they started to talk again. (She contacted once then he started the contact again). So my Girlfriend decided to remove him from facebook, she did. Got really sad over it, cried and so on (He was her first real boyfriend, almost first everything, not virginity tho). But now after about a week, he added her again on facebook and she accepted and their contact has started again.

It's not like they call each other often, it's mostly over facebook chat and she always tells me when he contacts her (when I'm at her place, sometimes she tells me they spoke.. but I can never be sure). But right now, in fact we had planned to watch a movie and so on together.. but he started to talk to her and they have been talking for about 40min now.

I have told her I don't care because if they did anything, I would leave her right away.. a kiss on the cheek would be enough for me to leave her (its her ex, c'mon!)

So my question is, should I be worried and prepare for the worse or am I just being paranoid?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you're being extremely paranoid. You'd leave her if her ex kissed her on the cheek? You sound like a 14 year old boy!

    Many people still have friendships with their exes, it's perfectly normal. They were together for three years, obviously that creates a bond, and it just feels strange to throw all of that away just because the relationship is no longer there.

    Until recently I was still in touch with my ex, my boyfriend knew it, and he was fine with it. I've told him clearly I have no feelings for my ex except for the fact that we have a lot of shared memories, and it just isn't a problem.

    My advice: let her have her freedom and get over it.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • I don't think it should be anything to worry about. If she tells you when they speak it seems she doesn't want to hide the fact that they talk. I can see how it would be worrysome since they had a long relationship.

    I wouldn't worry yourself over it though. She knows how you feel about cheating so don't prepare for the worst.

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  • Yes, you should be concerned. If your uncomfortable with her having contact with her Ex you need to address the issue to her and let her know right away, you can't ACT like you don't care because its obvious that you do and Its obvious that they STILL have feelings for one another. If you two are exclusive there should be no reason for them to still keep in contact if it makes you feel a way. If she moved on to you then she need to move on COMPLETELY. If she cheated on him with you, what makes you think that she won t cheat on you? You need to ask yourself that question. You need to ask her if she still has feeling for him. Tell her how you feel about the situation and she if she's willing to cut her ex off COMPLETELY for you, if she is not willing to do that, then she isn't the one for you and your going to end up getting hurt.

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  • I was in this exact same situation, except with reverse genders. Honestly, even the details seem the same. I thought I was being SO paranoid. And everyone told me I was paranoid. In the end, he WAS going out with her behind my back for a while before we broke up. So yeah, personally I don't think you're being paranoid, but just because it played out that way for me means it will for you.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Hello,

    I would be patient and relax.. youve stated your position and your focus now is showing her affection and romance to increase her interest in you.. if after a few months she is still contacting him then I would recomend talking to her about it..

    ex's don't become freinds.. its just not possible..

    BUT youve told her that if she oversteps the line then you will leave her.. you NEED to kake good on that if the situation changes otherwise she will not respect you.

    Good Luck

    - Chris

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