How do I cope with a divorce?

My parents are getting a divorce and it sucks and I hate it and I might have to move
Any advice or tips on how to cope with it?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Keep loving both your parents and try not to take sides. It will take some time and your life will change but in time you will get used to the lifestyle changes.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's hard, my parents divorced when I was 5 so my experience is a lot of different. I didn't know what exactly was going on. I guess realize your parents are mature adults who think this is the best decision for themselves and their happiness. It has nothing to do with you, even if you may feel like it is.

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    • do you remember what did you think when they were mid of divorce procedure?
      n some years later?

    • I don't, I only remember feeling guilty and the big fight before they separated.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 56

  • LOOK I'm no expert at this but My mother went throw meany Devorcs and life was confusing for me. If you know nothing all these years you may feel lied to and if you know there were problems you may feel responsible. You are a single blade of grass that needs to be an oak tree. And they both may or may not try and get you to pick a side and if you feel cought up in the middle stop it right away by confronting both telling them you love them both and there life can't ruin YOURS that you to are just as important and the love you have is for both of them wake each one to respect you for that love and tell them that they must both move on letting there love for you keep them as friends so not to fight anymore there past is over but not the future of the family that you want to share with both of them. And for you each day and night you must do two things to cope with this 1 medatat 2 pray for them. And try not rushing into a relationship or marriage.

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  • Hey, that's not ideal. .. but obviously your parents are no longer in love, and are going their separate ways. That's hard to understand why from the outside, but hopefully they're still going to be great parents to you (I am sure they will ). I separated from my wife over 2 years ago, and we have 3 kids together, but I feel like I'm a better father now than I was when I was with their mother. It doesn't have to be all bad, and it won't be your fault. I am very sure of that; it wasn't the kids that were the issue in my case, but the adults relationship. I hope you can talk to your parents - both of them - and make sure you know what's happening. I know (or hope! ) that neither of them are going to disappear from your life, and get them to reassure you of that too, which is fair enough. I hope this is a bit helpful for you

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  • The first 18 years or more of our lives can be a real challenge. Because of the way most of our parents and their decisions are... the child can end up having to learn how to cope with this bullshit and that bullshit instead of practicing things like money management, decision making for themselves, etc.

    Years in the military has given me a front row seat as to what happens when a girl or boy finally gets their own money and are no longer controlled by mommy and if they were lucky enough... a daddy.

    I could write for days about the predispositions of children and where it seems to lead them as adults... learning to cope can be what ends up destroying you in the end, or it can become your greatest streangth.

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  • How do I cope with a divorce I'm going through one if I ever if I can figure it out I'll let you know. Little brother there's no easy way around it to see your mother and father split is going to be rough hopefully they can be mature about it and if they do fight they won't do it in front of you but know that if they're good parents begin with it doesn't affect the intense love they have for their child understand that's just how life works sometimes and if worst case scenario they want to make you choose you pick the one that has your best interest at heart for the future and go from there

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  • My parents got divorced when I was younger than it says you are. The first thing to remember is that there may be a sensible reason they are divorcing. All children want their parents to stay together as it provides their security. But parents should have to stay together and be miserable.

    If your parents are splitting for a sensible reason, like they just don't love each other any more, don't hold it against them. It has probably taken a lot for them to come to the decision.

    Bearing in mind I was about 8 when my parents split, the only thing I found a comfort was two christmases, two birthdays, two easters lol

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  • I'm terribly sorry you have to go through that. I can't say I know from first hand. But my suggestion is to maintain a connection with both of your parents. I believe it will help keep you sane and also make both of your parents happy. Who know! Maybe you doing that will also help them see to reason and make up

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  • Never "pick" a parent. One might want you to, or both may want you to, but NEVER pick one. It will not only destroy your relationship with the parent you didn't pick (if they find out) but also come to hurt you later on.

    Any good pair of parents will know this and try their best to avoid it, but it often happens and is emotionally devestating to their kid (s). Parents just divorcing alone hurts a lot, so try your best to talk with someone about how you feel and come to terms with it all. It's not your fault, but I think having any (negative) feelings about the divorce or against your parents is letting it win; try to stay happy and positive and go about your life as normally as possible.

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  • My main bit of advice is protect yourself, make sure you are okay - When you are at your strongest you can face the challenges as they appear - I am a big fan of online support - Check for support sites where you can read about peoples' experience of being a family member of a divorcing couple.

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  • Now the parent and child shouldn't choose favorites but show severely who you want to be with. Since you are a girl I severely recommend staying with the mother. Yet if your father is a doctor then it's equal playing field.

    You want to make the judge choose whoever is going to take care of you the best and who can actually provide you with food and clothing.

    Unlike my family when a divorce came we had to go with our Mom because my Dad was sexually abusive. Yet my mother was physically abusive. So either option was worse in Oklahoma the judge decided he'd rather have someone with a physical problem raise us than a parent with a sexual problem. Yet when we moved to Utah the court system completely removed us from our family and I now live in a different home every 8 months.

    Yet if the Judge would've chose the father I would be living in a mansion I would have a car now and I'd probably get late night activities and my college would be paid for by my dad.

    Yet if I lived with my Dad I'd have probably gotten AIDS because of how many girls I would've slept with vs my mother teaching me it is wrong and that I should be respectful of a girls temple.

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  • It's THEIR divorce, not yours. Thus you can be a 3d. party observator. Don't chose sides unless you know about abuse.

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  • Ok your old enough to be included in this decision making..
    ..
    BUT the question is "WHY"
    Why are they getting or AT this point?
    FELL OUT OF LOVE (Which is Bullshit, then they were never in love at the beginning)
    GAY (Is mom or dad Coming out of closet?(Which is Bullshit again because they should have aborted right after coming out))
    MID-LIFE-CRISIS (Yes again, Bullshit!!! a family who sticks together stay together no matter what)
    And finally
    CHEATING (SORRY Mom or Dad, tell them this kind of thing does happened unfortunately but Divorce isn't the answer, it's either yes I'll explain theirs needs for the other parent to fullfill or/and allow them to be sexually free to fuck others or Mom or Dad needs to step up for the other's partners needs, have them set rules (safe sex & not the same sex partners and boundaries (never argument that agreement never come home smelly like they did it in the back of the car) etc etc etc

    Ask them for a "Sit Down" meetings (plural) because the truth might not come out the first time. And one on one helps breaking news to the other 1st and far most important is never NEVER judge or pick sides.
    The perfect marriage is just like the Holly Grile, it's a total myth
    Marriage equality and partnership with LOVE that holds it's together FOREVER

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    • That is utterly ridiculous. Her parents are adults, she doesn't get have an intervention with them. It sounds like a mutual decision, not one of them running off to pursue some fantasy. No one gets to be included in the decision making besides the adults involved, and it sounds like the decision has already been made.

  • Spend as much time as you can with your dad. Be there for each other. It will be good for both of you.

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  • In general.
    Try not to blame either parent, sometimes divorce is the best of a bad job.
    It's each other they cannot get on with, not you. Your relationship with them does not need to suffer.

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  • My parents divorced last week. It did not affect me at all directly but indirectly.

    Them divorcing did nothing to me psychologically.

    But it hurt my mum to an extent even though she went through it and also my little bro who's still young. It's hard to deal with their emotional baggage as I've got to pick up the pieces. Somebody has to.

    I also gotta provide financially as my dad has gone for good now.

    It's life. Get on with it.

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  • Tell them both not to use you as a pawn for their own selfish interests and don't fight over me. Tell them you have a say and you don't want to be treated that way.

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    • So true. I was used as a pawn. I don't think they'll be invited to my wedding if I ever have one.

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    • I was used as leverage big time.

    • yeah. being adult doesn't necessary means that you know what you're doing 😦

  • I would imagine you're closer to 18 then you are to 24? The reason I ask is if you're working then you'd be able to move out. But if you're 18 and going to school, college?, then mom & dad should encourage you to stay in school.

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  • I don't know if I'm just a little bit oo easy on life, I've expirienced divorce twice from my mom's side and well they haven't really affected me, however friends are always a great coping mechanism, just make sure you stay healthy with whatever you do, don't go al out to do drugs and shit cause it really REALLY won't help, grab a new hobby, don't overthink about it that much, you still have your parents they just aren't together anymore but they're there and they love you so that's great.

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    • wow twice!
      what was your age when these happened?

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    • ah! ofc that way it's totally different (i get that can't see full text bug too. on the site it never happens)

    • yea that bug really sucks, I'm a phone only user however. and yea, it's a tad different, my dad has changed however which makes me very happy, still not a close relationship tho

  • Love isn't forever, humans aren't designed with monogamy in mind, and divorce is not only natural but given enough time, inevitable, given enough time.

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    • I agree with you but don't want to; I think that it also depends on your desire satisfactionism. Maybe love is the number one thing that you desire and provides satisfaction--those are the people that I'd trust most to be in a long-term relationship with, the "romantics" if you will.

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    • @Reach500 Except that isn't absolutely true; there have been plenty of studies done on primitive societies and examples of polyamory have been discovered time and time again.

      If our primitive or innate goal is survival and reproduction, then having multiple intimate relationships makes most sense. We are only absolutely designed with survival in mind.

    • Exactly. It's a fanciful thought for a "one and only" but as life expectancy increases that will be seen less and less.

  • Fix it

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    • impossible. it's not a kids thing to deal with it. kid just have to accept it n understand that it's totally not his/her fault

    • Kids feel far more than you can even imagine.. iv been in tough situations in early childhood and it almost changed me.. it wasn't divorce BT in-laws ill treated mum and us kids

      I would say better to talk to them openly.. after 10-12 everyone understands​

    • yep yep, talk openly always.
      sry you had been through that shit.

      i don't understand those people.. it's ok to dislike someone for the shittiest reason, but then just let live in peace

  • Your profile states you're over 18 meaning you're grown and resp8nduble for yourself. That said you have 4 cho8ces. 1. F8nd, someone you can move in with.2. Get a good job and get a place for yourself.3. Commit a crime and go to jail or do what I did. Join the military. Welcome to the real world.

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  • Speaking as a now single dad , it is better for you , than being exposed to a toxic relationship in which there is constant negativity. Do not blame yourself.

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  • It'll be hard to deal with but you have to think who you want to live with :D

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  • Never blame them, they have a right to divorce themselves, support your parent. Time will help, you parents stay friends and it's still cool

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  • Mentally cut the emotional strings ASAP. Resist the urge to sleep around. Get into work and saving money. Focus on self improvement. Stay away from alcohol.

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    • you suggest to cut emotions toward parents? o. O

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    • ah, it's about the kids point of view ^^

      adults most of the times weren't emotionally into each other at the time of divorce already.
      if only one side wants the divorce the other one has to get over with it, what sux, but its better to get separated when the other one doesn't loves you

    • Well, if you all have children you need a good working relationship with your ex and in laws. But, the sooner you cut the emotional cord the easier it is to move on.

  • My wife divorcing me cos I found her shaging an other guy. Its a hard time Luckaly my boys to young to k ow what's going on. It will get easier as long you dont take sides

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  • Never hold it against one of them or both of them. No matter who's fault it may be. They will be there for you and help you every step of the way if they are good parents.

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  • Twice as many Christmas gifts!

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  • My parents got divorced too. It happens. Might suck now, but like with all bad things, the pain will fade in time. Keep your chin up.

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  • Whatever you do, do not choose a side. Usually your father will be looked as the evil one.

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  • Confide in any close friends if you can

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  • More from Guys
    26

What Girls Said 27

  • Find comfort in knowing that your parents still have the chance to be happy with someone else and that they don't have to be miserable in a relationship that they no longer want.

    And get two of whatever you can.. packing all the time going from one parent to the next is really annoying and disrupting.

    Know that it is NOT your fault.. even if you were an annoying kid.

    Tell your parents you want to speak to someone who's qualified for the job every once in a while, that way, if you're not coping you can get guidance and with your concent they can speak to your parents on how to help you.

    Don't take sides and remember that when they're complaining about each other that they are hurting and will probably say extra nasty things.. There are always two stories and then the truth.

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  • I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through this. Always remember that it is NOT your fault. EVER! Regardless of which parent you end up living with, don't treat either of them as evil people. They're going to be confused, upset, and disappointed just like you are as well. Maybe I'm being a little bit ahead of the game but watch out for your parents, especially if they start engaging in self-destructive behavior. Like sleeping excessively, drinking heavily, etc. I'm not sure of what the story is behind the divorce, but don't make things worse by siding with one parent and treating the other like a criminal. That's not cool. Don't ever hesitate to reach out to someone for help, whether it's for you or for your parent.

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  • It should be easier at your age because you have a good understand, or should anyway at this point, that sometimes relationships just eventually fail and it's not really anyone's fault, but just people being incompatible. Just try to think about how happy they will be now after leaving a relationship they felt was toxic to them

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  • Well, in legal circles it's kinda understood that the "reasons" for divorce are often either half baked or lack sufficient grounds. Infact, there is nothing in any relationship that cannot be sorted out and revived. It just requires the right direction to solve 'em amicably. To start with, in my opinion you may seek support from "Family Counsellor" to advice your parents. Believe me, Family Counsellors do a lot of good to relationships. Cheers. Wishing you the very best dear. 😇 💕

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  • You should talk with your parents about how you feel but understand that they have to make their own decision. Don't hold resentment and dont let this become a reason to be depressed.

    I highly reccomend the following not all at once but do see what helps

    -. Talk with your parents. Like take your dad out to a restaurant or something. Talk with your mom while shopping. Anything to get comfortable. Or write if you want.

    - understand and accept their decision. Aside from being parents, they are also their own individuals.

    - focus on your own stuff. This helped me when I was distressed. Figure out your interests or focus on academics.

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  • Choose who to live with and live your own life. See both parents. Don't take sides.

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  • i know its hard on you parents and its affecting you a lot. but my mom and dad was married for 35 years untill my dad passed away in April. if i could choose now as a grown up i wouldve let them split up looooong ago cause it was a never ending fight. a huge verbal abuse going on in this house and we as kids observed everything and we were taught well. me and my two brothers are a little crazy because of it and we have anger issues and we are verbal abusers. if you're really a good parent you shouldn't stay together for the kids sake, rather get divorced so your kids dont see the bad side of their mom and dad all the time. and my dad always wanted to work in another country. i think my mom drove him insane and he wanted to run all the time. he's dead now and i think his life was wasted cause he stayed with her. yes he loved his kids a lot but he wouldve still had us even if they got a divorce.

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    • i so much agree with you.
      staying in a bad marriage unhappy just ruins the kids.
      it's sad that both of your parents wasted their life thinking they did it the good way :(
      if they divorce you would have had 2 happy people in your life to support you

    • exactly and way better examples how to handle a relationship

  • The initial shock hurts I'm not going to lie but with time it gets better. Still respect and spend just as much time with each parent and try to live your best life moving forward.

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  • First of all, your attitude towards this doesn’t seem very mature. You have to remember your parents are people, and people can fall in and out of love at any age, any time. Ask yourself this: is it okay to complain about being uncomfortable and making everyone else feel uneasy while my parents are the victims?

    A divorce isn’t something light or easy. It is a decision that alters life drastically. And so i’m certain your parents made this decision with the right reasons in mind.

    Moving sucks, but on the other hand you’ll be able to make new friends if you move far away, you could create a new you if you want. Have you never thought, what if I were to just leave and begin again somewhere else? Because I have.

    Your parents will also be happier once everything has settled down again. That is something joyous after being in the divorce roller coaster.

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  • Just remember it had nothing to do with you. This isn't your fault

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  • ... between 18-24? Yeah maybe it's time to move.

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  • I struggled with my parents divorce too.
    Moving out does help.

    I can't offer any good advice, because I'm going through a mess with my own family. However, I do feel your pain and you deserve to be special to someone who connects with you.

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  • You should get counseling.
    How do you feel?
    Try not to take sides.
    Be empathetic, and understanding of your own happiness but also of theirs.
    Try to love yourself, and set yourself some boundaries. Don't let them emotionally manipulate you.

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  • Think of the positive.
    If my parents didn't get a divorce when I was 5 they would have killed each other.

    So in other words, it's probably for the best.

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  • Chocolate ice cream and cocaine

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  • Don’t treat it like u r getting divorced. They both are your parents and will always be. They were just not right for each other. Support them in this and keep yourself out of any drama

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  • I was hoping my parents divorced. :p

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  • Divorce.

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  • Stay calm and relax.

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  • My parents divorced when I was only 8. it took me a while. but I dealt it with it by talk to like my best friend and doing sports and join clubs and stuff

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  • Don't give rat's ass about them.

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  • I was 17 when my parents invites me and sister to the table and anounced that they divorce..
    I still dont know how i felt about it, i was confused... and worried... more about mother...
    And my sister cried hard, i didn't
    It takes years to cope with it and accept it

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  • Ask to see a therapist.

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  • Im so sorry that's happening. Just remember that they're not happy together, it's better to have separate but happy parents hen together but miserable. Everything will be fine even though I know it's hard to believe that now

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  • I'm sorry your going through that, I did. Ended up on antidepressants and having panic attacks, but their divorce was messy. I found painting helped

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  • First of all, I'm so sorry. I reccommend seeing a therapist if you can, or if you feel comfortable with it, because I know it makes me feel better to talk about life's shit with someone who can't tell anyone about it.

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  • From your age which is around mine too, I would move out. That way you have nothing to keep reminding you of your parent’s divorce. If you have a boyfriend or a close friend, move in with them (ask of course), or if you wanna move by yourself so it’s clear and calming for you, then do that. My parents divorced when I was 19, and about a week and a half to two weeks after they divorced, I moved out and in with my boyfriend to our own place since we were already looking for our own place. I found it much easier to cope with it this way than when I was at home to have constant reminders of it which only made it worse for me

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