Why can’t I be happy with having to like a man I’m my life?

Every time I start liking a guy I always end up getting hurt. It took me 3 year to get over one of my ex’s and he wasn’t even worth it. We were only together for a month and a bit and then he dumped me for one of my friends but he was still speaking to me for a few months until I noticed that me he doesn’t like me. He’s just using me. A few months after I started speaking to this other guy. He used to always make me laugh and he made me like him but I found out he spoke to other girls too and I wasn’t the only one. Now I have been speaking to a guy for a year and a bit and I really really like him and he likes me too but I told him we can’t be anything more then friends because I didn’t wanna get hurt. He’s always there for me and makes me happy and smile. A few weeks ago I hurt him and told him we can’t be anything more then friends and we haven’t spoke since then but I really regret it and miss him but I don’t wanna get hurt again. I just feel like he puts in the effort to be with me and I don’t because I don’t wanna get hurt but I really like him too.
Why can’t I be happy with having to like a man I’m my life?
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