Should I let him go?

I met this guy 8 months ago and we got on great. I had just come out of a complicated relationship so told him from the start I didn't want a boyfriend. He, however, told me he hadn't felt this way for a girl in a long time. His previous relationships never worked out because he was afraid of commitment (so he said) and was unable to truly let go of this girl he once loved. We took things slowly and he encouraged me to trust him and so I did. However, when he felt I was maybe expecting him to be my boyfriend he got terrified and told me he enjoyed what we had but wasn't ready for a serious commitment yet. That hurt me and we started arguing regularly. I told him I cared too much about him so I needed him to no longer write and call me because it hurt too much. He said he was really sorry.. and hated himself for always being so afraid ans doing this to me. So he cut me off his facebook saying he wasn't capable off not talking to me if we were both connected and it hurt him to see all I was doing. He left for a month and we barely had any contact. We saw each other this week when we were clubbing had a great time talked a lot about how things were and what happened As if we were pretending nothing had ever gone wrong and ended up spending the night together.. In the morning he was really silent but kept cuddling me and holding me so hard in his arms even though I never initiated it but he seemed really sad. Then I had no news for 3 days. We were meant to see each other today so that he could give me a book back. He was nice but distant. All his friends were there. I get on great with them and I know they like me. I'm hurting so much of not having him in my life the way I did before. What shall I do? shall I give him time? Talk to his friends to know what he is thinking? Or just let him go even though it kills me?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I agree with stercor. He's playing games for whatever reason, it's impossible to say which. But he seems very high maintenance. Almost one of those types that gets into bad relationships because of the thrill? It seems he is keeping this relationship on a rollercoaster on purpose because it keeps it interesting. I think he has issues and I'd move on even though it's difficult. Talking to his friends or giving him time won't help anything. You've already put forth what would be expected of you. This is a bad habit he's formed (as stated earlier in your post about his commitment-phobia) I suspect you're not the first girl he's put through this confusion. So don't reinforce bad behavior and let him jerk you around like this.

    If he wanted to be with you, he would be, and you deserve more! Plus as a little added incentive (although I admit slightly immature but it helps me), guys like this usually hook women in this manner a lot. They also relish in the attention they get from her trying desperately to make it work. When you walk away without batting an eyelash, you become that girl that was *different.* I can't tell you how many of these player, commitment-phobe type guys quickly gained respect and began to chase after me instead because of just simply walking away. I still don't date those type of guys mind you. But the point is, you end that relationship on a note of him having respect for you, instead of being one of the many women begging for him to change. You just can't have too many guys respecting you and wishing they had dated you when they had the chance =P good luck!

    • Thank you for your comment. I think you re right. It's hard but I need to let him go and he will probably regret it when he sees me with someone else but that's just too bad. Thank you very much for taking the time to answer this :)

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What Guys Said 1

  • I advise you to let him go.

    He's ``high maintenance.''

    He seems to need to look good in your eyes. When there are two sides to a story, truth lies somewhere in the middle.

    I see him as a manipulator.

    The hard thing about this is that you'll hurt, perhaps for a long time.

    Time will serve to let him play games.

    Sorry for the bad news. Believe it or not, I've had similar experiences. It hurts --- terribly.



What Girls Said 1

  • he seems to be playing the hot and cold game. You were cold, so he got hot. You got hot so he got cold. so it seems. Just tell him that if he really doesn't want you in his life, then you know you are a great person who can find company esle where. Be independent and play is super cold. See what happens then! hahaha... hey just giving friendly advice. But yeah, hope this helps you. be happy though, you deserve to be treated with much adoration. you know? good luck

    • Yeah he is totally doing the hot and cold guy. I'm going to let him go. He knows what I want just doesn't know what HE wants. Thank you for taking the time to answer, that's really cool. :)

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