Why am I stuck like this?

4year relationship. Ended because she wants to "find herself." She still wants me in her life but just as a friend. She says she wants to be with me again just not right now. I'm STUCK. Being just friends hurts. But I can't let her go because then I'd still be suffering, just won't be able to talk to her about it. She's the cause of and the antidote to all the pain I feel...
Why am I stuck like this?
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