Mom wanting to date less than a year after my dads passing. Would this be ok with you as a son/daughter?

Let me start off by saying that I know it's her life and her business and she's going to do what she's going to do regardless of my opinion, BUT I just can't get over feeling how wrong this seems. It seems like it's dishonorable to my dad and I just can't be supportive if that. I will never let another man replace my dad in my life and I don't know why she would want to try and do that. It really hurts me and I'll never be supportive of this. I was just wondering if anyone else has gone through this and what your opinions are. Thanks.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • An anecdote: I lost my mom about 9 years ago. On the two year anniversary of her death, we had a little get together at my dad's house with just him, my wife and I and my aunt (my mom's sister). After dinner, he took his wedding ring off and said "I guess I'm single now". He started dating shortly after that.

    About six months after my mother died, my wife lost her mom. In my father-in-law's case, he was dating 2 months later and remarried six months after that. My wife and BIL were really upset about it, but my dad told us we shouldn't judge until we've walked a mile in his shoes. It's still kind of a shitty thing to have done, though.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Less than year? O I would be absolutely angered by that. I know you have to move on a eventually and want to find happiness again, but if someone you're married long has recently died and you're out here trying to meet new men less than year sends warning signals to me. It's says that dad/your husbands death didn't fully effect you in some way. Now I know some people do try to seek comfort in others when they're distressed, lonely, or depressed, but if she doesn't seem that way and she's just really excited and getting all doll up to get in back in the dating world... then something is wrong unless you're parents have been divorced/separated?

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    • No they were married. He was 53 and so is she.

    • Ooh ok yeah that is strange to me, I would feel very uncomfortable with her already looking for another partner and your dad hasn't been gone for a year. It's either her way of coping or your dad's death didn't mean much to her.

What Guys Said 19

  • i would be logical and not let my emotions cloud my judgement,
    the one who is gone is gone, but the one who is still here deserves every chance at happiness,
    imagine how you will feel when she is gone! and you realize that you didn't support a chance she had to happiness again. .

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  • Sorry to hear about your dad!

    Fortunately, I haven't had to go through what you are going through.

    I understand, though, if I were you I'd personally be very unhappy with either of my parents if they were to date/marry anyone after the passing of one of them.

    Still, to their face I'd maintain a generally positive outlook. Not because I feel great about it but it's due to the fact that I know how hard my parents have worked on our family, how much love they have for each other and us (my siblings and I).

    I'd be supportive of my parent dating/marrying in the very sad event of one of my parent passing away because the one that's alive deserves happiness.

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  • I see where you are coming from, sorry about your dad
    I don't think anyone's going to try to replace him

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  • They're humans too you know...

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  • Actually this is part of the grieving process. Your mom hasn't forgotten about your dad I'm sure but psychologically your mom wants some normalcy in her life. And people with out partners often seek new ones. That what is deemed normal. She may grieve forever but this is the last part of grievance: acceptance

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  • Every one mourns differently, some take years others take a few months it doesn't mean that she didn't and doesn't love and miss your dad any less

    No one will ever replace your dad but you can't expect your mother to stay a widow for the rest of her life

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  • You can't expect her to spend the rest of her life alone. I'm sure she misses your dad, but there's nothing that can be done. I'm sure it is very hard to see her with another man, but try to see it from her POV.

    I know I can't imagine either of my parents with someone else. Fortunately both sides of the family tend to live into 80's.

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  • I wouldn't allow it.

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  • My mum did. I was/am fine with it. My sister can't stand it.

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  • My mom started dating after my dad died like.. 4months later.

    And I always say "as long as it makes you happy".
    Cause it is her partner, not mine.
    The new partner will never replace my dad and that is also not what he wants/should want.

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  • your mom is a human being too you know, she has her needs too,

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  • You either live alone for the rest of your life and hope to see your lover in some sort of "afterlife" or you move on.

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  • Have you heard the story about how a wife made a dating profile for her husband on her death bed. Life is clearly short.

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  • I would want her to be happy. I realy don't care about how often she is dating

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  • Well most importantly is her happiness.. So if she is happy in dating its absolutely fine

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  • It be ok

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  • let her do it hon

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  • No but I've got friends that its happened to

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  • A old man i knew lost his wife at age 63, he never dated another woman, his wife was his last. He died at age 81.
    I dont like it how easily they can be replaced. If you want to date again wait some years...

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What Girls Said 13

  • I think that you need to take a step back and see that this isn’t about you, and that at 25 years of age you should be able to have a bit of perspective over the situation.
    Why don’t you want your Mum to be happy? Should she be alone until you feel ready to see her with someone else, and what if you never feel that way?

    I highly doubt she is trying to replace your father, for you or even for herself but when someone is used to having a partner being lonely just amplifies that loss. She’s dipping her toe into dating, not walking down the aisle again

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  • Yeah, I think it's okay. She shouldn't have to grieve forever. If she wants to get out there and try to be happy then she should go for it, only if it's what she really wants to do. I know the feeling of having some guy try to replace my dad, the difference is I was seven, you're 25. You don't have to be around him if you don't want to be. You don't have to pretend to like him or deal with him. Anyway, she isn't trying to replace your dad, she's trying to be happy again and I'm sure that's what your dad would want

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  • I mean, I'd be upset but logically, I don't think there's anything wrong wit doing so. I don't believe it's too soon though as I said, in that situation where I'm not thinking rationally but more with my emotions, I'd likely be unhappy with the decision.

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  • Are you sure she's trying to replace your dad? Or that he is?
    Probably he'll never be aple to replace your dad, neither for you nor for your mom. Not wanting to replace him doesn't mean she can be happy with his memory alone in the long run though.
    I'd think more of it as a movie sequel than a remake.(and let's be honest, no sequel ever measures up to the original, but sometimes they're not all bad.)

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  • It wouldn't be my business. Why should this person put their life on hold for me? It's selfish of me to prevent them. You only get one life.

    She's not replacing him. Nobody can replace your dad. But why should she be alone for the rest of her life because you don't want her to see anyone else?

    You don't have to support it but don't stand in her way. You've no right to do so.

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    • I'm not supporting it and I've made it clear if she wants a relationship with me then disrespecting my dads honor like that is not acceptable.

    • She's not disrespecting your dads honor. Do you think your mum should just curl up and die as well? Because you're not allowing her to have a life. And it's not your business to control her like that.

  • I am actually going through the same thing except my mother died at 53 and my father was 58. I'm 30 so it's hard and it won't be easy but you have to let them be happy as much as you feel like they are forgetting the other parent... they aren't. People move on but unfortunately enough you and I will never get over the loss of our parents.

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  • It is her life. Why do you think it is wrong? Dont you want her to be happy? Or do you want her to grieve the rest of her life.

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    • Honestly I'd rather her grieve because that's what I'm going to be doing the rest of my life and if she feels anything less than grief then she never cared about him in the first place and I want no relationship with someone like that.

    • I lost my Dad in 2012. The only thing that helps is time. My mother is in a nursing home and she got a boyfriend about a year after my dad died. I want her to be happy. You should want the same. So you want your mother to be miserable for the rest of her life? That is just selfish.

  • People heal in different ways. Maybe your mom is still trying to figure that out and she thought this might be one way. No one is ever going to replace you dad, you know that and I would think she knows that too. I was upset when my grandma did the same thing too, by going out to a country music club every Saturday night, but I have come to understand that she has been with someone the majority of her life, and escaping to a night life is a way to deal with being alone again.

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  • I would be okay with it, I would want my parent to be happy. I don't think she is looking to replace him, no one ever could.

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  • It would be okay for me, sure i won't 100% like it but i can learn how the new guy is. Your mom doesn't have to be single for the rest of her life if she feels lonely

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  • All i gonna do to see her happy. by the way sorry about your dad

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  • It's totally fine.. I assume your mom is young too and she wants to have a normal life. Maybe she found someone who understands her and your family situation and she doesn't want to lose this chance. No one is going to replace your dad

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  • It is ok

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