Was it just bad timing or just not meant to be?

I'm a 23 year old female who was seeing a 35 year old male for three months. I didn't feel any attraction to him on the first three dates, but he persisted, to the point where I grew strong feelings for him and fell in love. He was nurturing, attentive and affectionate. Out 'relationship' was beautiful, intimate, we cared deeply for eachother. Although our age difference, we connected on a deep level and it felt like we were soulmates. The only problem was that our age difference meant different life stages: he has established his career and he wants kids sooner than later, whereas I still need to secure my career. We both talked early on about this potentially causing an issue down the track but we both had no reason to end it as we enjoyed eachother. I felt that him offering all his time to me meant he could see this becoming serious. He never admitted his feelings to me, but said I made him happy, nervous and want to be a better man. He shared his life with me, told me his future plans, how many kids he wanted, where he wanted to take them to school etc. He said he didn't want me to move interstate for a job. We both became vulnerable with one another. Recently he ended it because it clicked to him when his friend told him she was pregnant. I was devastated because I wanted to be with him, and he knew I would have compromised for him. I respect his needs and that he was thinking realistically long term... but I felt he threw away someone who would have made him happy. The saddest part: he had feelings for me but had to hold back from them because of the situation, he became attached but had to stop. I wish he had shown me all of him and still hurt me rather than only part of him. Will he regret his decision? Will he ever think about me again? I feel this was just bad timing and that we may find eachother again later in life if it was meant to be. I want to move on, but that means I have accepted he is gone, and I dont want him to be gone.

Updates:
I don't know where I wrote in here about pregnancy? I never got pregnant... what I meant was: One day he was catching up with a friend and she told him the news that she was pregnant WITH HER PARTNER. That was when it clicked to him that at this point in time I can not offer him kids as I still need to get my career.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I am sorry it didn't work out between you two. Yes, one day soon he will regret his decision, and I'm sure he will always remember you and think about you very often.

    I'm 38 (don't pay atention to what it says my age is here, there was a mixup when I signed up and can't change it now), and kind of want to settle down, but at the same time I don't ever want to have kids. I would be willing to settle down with a woman that already have children of her own, but I don't want to make any of my own. All of my guy friends around my age either already have kids, or want them. So, the way he felt is pretty common among men (and women) his age. It sucks that he did that to you, but his biological clock was ticking.

    I honestly don't know if he'll ever return to you or not. Like I said, he will think about you often, and never forget you. i'm sure he still loves you very much, he just feels that it can't work out between the two of you. IF you could somehow convince him that it could work, then he might return to you. You would have to make the first move to contact him and tell him, though.

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What Guys Said 3

  • I was the guy in this scenario, with the exception of wanting kids.

    Give yourself some time and space to get grounded. As @shotarrow said, take this opportunity to better yourself-- perhaps you'll reconnect, perhaps you won't. But at least you'll have strengthened yourself as an individual in the process.

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  • @ihategingerbread Is just being an ass, lol.

    He may come back, and you can wait, but I wouldn't recommend that; someone who is able to go so deep and then just run away was probably more or less just using you to get children.

    Sure, maybe you had chemistry, but it was clear that you wanted a relationship and he wanted a family. He probably is going through a mid-life crisis and just wants to get it over with.

    I don't think you did anything wrong. I would recommend to take this opportunity to better yourself and become stable. Now you don't have to stress about compromising.

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    • Can you elaborate on the pregnancy? He didn't get her pregnant but he instead realized that he needed to have a kid and left, right? I may have misunderstood.

    • Looks to be the case. I'm sorry, I'm tired and just completely misunderstood.

      My last point still stands: now you don't have to compromise and can focus on bettering yourself. You don't want to get involved with someone that already has children if you can help it... it can be complicated and hard on you.

  • Simple answer is that if he let you go so easily jis t because someone else got pregnant then he really didn't have feelings for you

    Age means nothing as long as both people are legal age and they aren't hurting anyone let the relationship develop

    You deserve to find a lucky guy who will want you and not give up so easily when things happen

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