Why is my ex trying to hurt me on purpose?

My boyfriend of 3 years and I broke up about 3 months ago He says he doesn't love me or want me back. But texts or calls for the most random things. Makes excuses to get me over there. When I'm dumb and cave it's just like we are together. I feel the love from him in his actions the way he looks at me touches me , talks to me calls me my pet name. We have huge fights and say we never wanna talk again he tells me to move on then texts me like it never happened a few days later. During the last fight he told me I needed to find someone and angry I told him maybe I had started seeing someone new. After that we texted on a daily basis but the physical contact stopped. We fought Sunday I called him out on having this girl at his house the night before when he had talked about getting with me all day the day before. He told me he did it cause it would hurt me. And he knew I was sleeping with the guy I'm seeing. He also said he still cares and does love me but doesn't want to be together. But doesn't wanna hurt me and wants to be able to talk to me and hang out like friend I told him I was blocking him for 30 days I need to try and heal and after that we would see. I honestly think he is acting out of jealousy cause deep down he doesn't wanna lose me but the thought of me actually moving on with someone else hurt him even though he's the one who told me to do it. But he has controlled the entire break up. i know me enforcing no contact gives me back equal ground but this is such a mess and so hard cause I know the love is there but he has to make the choice. It feels like the first time we broke up he acts the same way as then. And it was all his ego and trying to be cruel to hide how much it hurt him. I just wanna know if I'm doing the right thing he is the love of my life But I know I have to stand my ground cause he has been using knowing how much I still love him to get me to do whatever he wants and it's not right. Please help


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If you're going to break up break up if you're going to be together be together there can be no games that gives mixed signals he's going to try to hurt you because you hurt him no man wants to see his girlfriend with another person or hear about it and vice versa so if you walk away maybe a year down the road from hell if it is meant to be it is meant to be if not then it's not time this time that has no time you always love each other is human nature because of the love that you have shared it is also human nature to grow understand some things are not meant to be at this time so if you're going to follow through follow through stay your distance somewhere down deep in your heart you know that it's just not meant to be it's also human nature not to hurt somebody that you love so dearly but you're giving me mixed signals and that's wrong shake hands give a hug say goodbye and maybe somewhere down the road in a year to you might run back into each other you sound like you're intelligent smart girl who knows what she wants so follow through and be happy

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    • The whole break up was all over being afraid of commitment. We just bought a house , were moving , and had just had a big talk about where we wanted our relationship again. He never wanted to remarry but said he was committed and would do rings , I told him part of me kinda wanted to get married again but I was happy with the way things were and agreed to the rings. A little too excitedly I was already wearing rings on Both my ring fingers (it's just were I wear them) and he took it as a sign that I was set on talking him into marrying me so he freaked everything going on was just too much , now he also says it's too late to change it so I'm torn. But I'm hoping the no contact for a month will let him see what actually losing me feels like. He never thought I'd actually move on and try to get over him

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    • Thanks will do. We actually lived together for almost 3 years before we bought this house so it wasn't a new aspect. And thank you I try to treat everyone with the same respect I like to be shown. him I went above and beyond for mainly cause if it made him happy I was happy. The situation with his first marrige ending was ugly so I understand why he's afraid and reluctant to ever do it again , I was also just happy having him I didn't need a piece of paper. The symbol of the rings was more than enough for me. It's just hard cause he's the type that once he sets his mind on something he's almost impossible to reason with or budge. But he's never taken an ex back besides his ex wife and that lasted 2 weeks. We've broken up 3 times and gotten back together twice and that speaks volumes to me about how much he really cares

    • We'll be careful don't get your heart broken you can't make anybody love you like you said all you can ask for hers treating him the same way he treats you and vice versa keep a date night open or a fun night or role play night or something fun and energetic LOL just to escape from The Daily Grind once in awhile

Most Helpful Girl

  • You will never understand how toxic a relationship is till you breath fresh air. Listen to your advice and stay away from him for a bit when you stop being hot headed you will know what to do. Whatever you need I am here for you

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    • Yeah it was always so good we never fought , we got along great. It was just too much all at once and he got scared and backed away

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What Guys Said 4

  • Block him permanently, that's some psychological shit he s doing, I had another friend, she was with a guy that was messing with other girls, and putting her down, but she was still trying to be with him, I told her to break it off, and after she finally realized that he was just an asshole through and through she ended it

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  • Cut him out of your life it seems he loves the element of control he has over you delete his number block him on all social media etc

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    • I did and the only option he has now is work or my home , so that's good

    • I have enforcing the no contact is on my terms and not his. I'm hoping it will level the playing field. Then we can either work it out or he stays away. I really don't think just friends is an option I can do

  • Welcome to real world, x always try to do that...

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  • Both you love each other, try to patchup once again

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    • I want to try but until he stops with the mind games it just hurts me more. I hope the 30 day no contact helps us both but I don't know what to think. Every fiber in me is screaming to go over there and just tell him I just want him back and don't wanna be apart anymore

What Girls Said 0

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