I don't know why she broke up with me. I don't understand what changed for her to want me back. Can you provide any insight or possible explanation?

A few years ago, I dated this young lady who I cared for a lot. She was smart, pretty, and very outgoing. My family liked her a lot; more than any girl I've ever been with in the past. I cared for her a lot, and I thought everything was going really well. We had been together for a little over two years, and I was planning on popping the big question. I never told anyone that I was going to, fearing that they would blab about my intentions.

I made sure that every birthday, Valentine's day, and every holiday, that I would get or make her a gift. I didn't just give her generic gifts, I put a lot of thought and effort in them. I didn't just get her the occasional chocolates and flowers; I literally made her a necklace with matching earrings with my own two hands and and engraved her names and initials on them.

One day, out of the blue, and without warning, she broke up with me. She told me that she was no longer able to see our relationship going any further, and that she needed a change. I asked, "Did I do anything wrong? Was there something I could have done?" Her answer was a "No" in both cases. She claimed that I was very, very good to her, and told me that she was sure I would make any other girl very happy in the future. When I requested to just take some time off and think about it, she refused, stating that her decision was final. We were officially through. I wasn't happy, but I respected her choice even though I overtly disagreed with it.

I felt sad, hurt, and heartbroken. I decided to take time from the dating scene, and just focus on myself. About a month and a half later, I eventually got over the break up. Out of nowhere, she contacted me, telling me that she still cared for me, and wanted us to get back together, hoping that I wasn't angry with her. I said to her, "I'm not angry, even though you broke my heart, but I wasn't the one who wanted to break up. I've moved on. Good luck in your life."

I still don't understand the reasoning behind this.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It may have been that she found someone else and wanted to try with them. If you were both living together it may be that you started to get on her nerves. Or something did annoy her but she felt saying there was nothing wrong was going to be the easier way.

    Either way just keep looking forward... She waited to long to see that she still wanted to be with you now that you are over her I think you done the right thing because she could have done it again.

    It could also be that she couldn't find anyone else that treated her as good as you.

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    • What you're saying is really plausible. I agree with you. My biggest issue was that she waited way too long, and even if I decided to get back with her, there is no guarantee she wouldn't do that again on a whim. I think I primarily don't trust that she won't do it again. I take relationships very seriously, and if I did anything that annoyed her, she should have told me about it so that we could work it through.

      I grew up observing how my parents treated each other, and I think I learned a lot of good habits from my dad. However, the most important thing about them is that they seemed to communicate effectively.

      Anyway, thank you for your input though. I really appreciate it.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Great post. @wonderer has said it all. And there is nothing more to say.

    You shouldn't go back into the relationship even if you felt like. She was trying to play smart but her intentions failed to work out. It's bad when a partner tries to take the other significant for granted.

    I hope she will learnt a great lesson from whatever her reasons might have been to leave and I doubt if she would find a man as great like you in the future.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • How old is she? Did she have much experience dating prior to you?

    Sometimes the grass looks greener from inside the house, but it’s covered in pricks when you go and walk on it.
    It sounds like she was looking for more, or something different and wanted to explore that option (which is perfectly fine, people should do what makes them happy) but discovered it either wasn’t as good as what she thought, or that it reenforced that you really were a good partner.

    Regardless, I think it’s really good of you to stand strong on not going back. When someone ends a relationship for no apparent reason or won’t give one, their motive for returning is always questioned

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    • She's 3 years younger than I am. She has had just a couple of relationships before we met, as far as I know. I generally agree with you also.

      About exploring options, while I personally am not a big fan of that, I agree that it is OK. If she explained to me that she at least wants some time apart, I would be OK with that. I think it would be unfair for me to feel like I was dumped, struggle with my feelings for a good few weeks, and then get over it all only to be confronted with something that I wished for during that time but lost interest in.

      I think that she had a reason, but her lack of transparency leads me to think that she felt guilty or was trying to spare my feelings. I had another ex before who broke up with me, but she communicated things to me clearly, and even though I was a bit disappointed, I appreciated her approach.

      Thank you for your opinion. It often helps to get someone else's perspective.

  • You should read the book "Five Love Languages". Every and each of us speak different love languages such as physical touch, receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service. Maybe you thought she would appreciate gifts, since you may fancy receiving them, also you have put a lot of effort into them. However maybe she spoke different language. And her seeking to come back to your life again could've been just out of loneliness and wanting to have somebody by her side. Those are just my thoughts.🤗 Have a nice day ( not only just a day, live a happy fulfilling life)

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  • Because you said to her to move on, leave you alone, why do you want to know the reason? And why from us? The only one who can answer to your question is she, nobody else. If you don't care anymore, move on, without asking...

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What Guys Said 1

  • She was here the other day saying she wanted to break up with you

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