Oy vey! I am lost & sad..

A past ? says my history w/this guy. Basically we re-connected via Facebook while he was on deployment. He returned & wanted to start a relationship. I didn't. Actually, I did but my fear held me. See, a few years before, I was involved in an incident with a guy. I was not raped but I was put into the ER with my teeth knocked in. I'm still not what I used to be but I have grown in a positive way but still suffer from insecurity. As anyone would after an experience like that, I still had my "guard up" & was afraid. He did understand but I felt guilty for not being able to get over my past & let him into my future. His next leave was that Christmas. He & I ended up having sex. I trusted him.

Now, a year & so later, we’re still not official. We kept in contact & he still came to see me on each leave. At times we did hookup & other times we hungout. He's now out of the Navy & is home for good. Having him home is great; not only for me but he seems a lot happier. One night we had a deep emotional “moment”. It felt nice. He caught me off guard too & went in to hug me, he told me, "come here, I want to hold u" & stupid me said "why?". He said, "Because it feels right". I hugged him.

The next day he text messaged me & told me "we got 2 close last night. It was wrong". That was heartbreaking. He always said we’re friends, but what is even wrong with friends having a moment? I just agreed because didn't want to argue but I said it was nice. I have a big heart in general & he definitely has a place in it.

The weekend was his friends b day. She turned 21 so it was going to be a big thing. He was 1 of people that attended her party at a club. Her cousin was also there. The next day, I messaged him asking if he could stop by my house & pick something up. He responded back with "Um, not today, I have someone in mind". I was confused by what he meant because I was not asking him over to hookup or to even hangout. I was rather sad when I read that message. He did mean his friends cousin as the "someone in mind". I don't know the extent of what happened but I know he likes her. I just miss him like crazy. The cousin is going back to college in a week or 2 & that is about 2 hours away. My friends say don't take him back if he comes back to me again but I want to. However, I don't even know if he will anymore.

We had a fight because I was mad at how & what he told me to do. He told me to not text message or talk to him for a while in case she's with him. When he told me that, I was definitely hurt. He says I might ruin things for him if she knew about me. Girls get jealous. I definitely know that! I did agree not to, but I text messaged him asking him how the night at the club went. He was not looking forward to going to the club all. When he got my message, she wasn't with him but he blew up on me because she could have been.

Most will say “forget him!”. I also know most here know things are easier said than done. Any advice in general on this

If any read my past question. He "broke up" with that girl after 2 weeks. Yes...it is happening again. But again...things are easier said then done. I love him.
He is going back to school this Fall semester. It starts Aug 30th. Even before this new girl, I gave him the date that Aug 30th we will end hooking up. I proposed this date because it's been going on long enough.
Unfortunately, I do know that that will probably be the end of me seeing him. The girl leaves for school Aug 27th. If he comes back, I hope I am strong to say no even though I want it now :(


Most Helpful Guy

  • Things may be easier said than done but you need to think about yourself for a change. I am one of those that say forget him! You deserve far better than being this man's pet which he can keep in his back pocket. Toss him and get yourself a man whos worth a damn.

    • Thanks. Its weird but I trust all your comments more then my friends who will "sugar coat" things most of the time

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What Girls Said 1

  • I'm sorry to say it, but you're pretty much his booty call :(. Either, make things official or look for another man that deserves you. It'll be tough, but a relationship like this isn't healthy for either of you and you deserve better.

    • Thanks. Its weird but I trust all your comments more then my friends who will "sugar coat" things most of the time

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