Married man texting an ex saying she's the one who got away?

I felt my husband had been distant after the birth of our second child so I went through his phone. I found several texts with 3 ex gfs. The most concerning was one that he told her "You were the one that got away" She replied with "How different life would be if we knew then what we know now". I can get over the other stuff I saw but having a hard time getting over this. This girl lives in another state and my husband hasn't been out of town to visit her. I talked to her too, she has a serious medical condition and I'm not sure sex is even possible for her. I blocked her number from his phone so he cannot receive her texts anymore.

Still can't shake the feeling I get when thinking of my husband telling another woman she was the one who got away?

Am I justified in feeling like this was almost as bad as having sex with someone else? What can I do to move past this?

PS Our relationship has improved greatly since I discovered the texts and we started counseling, and I'm feeling much better, but still can't get this one thing off my mind.

Any advice/thoughts?


Most Helpful Girl

  • With the ups and downs of relationships it's hard not to reach into the past and reminisce on more hopeful times.

    I think he was reacting to your current situation. Instead of reaching out to you, he was coping in other ways - by contacting the past.

    Let's be honest here - there is no way he could factually know that his life would have been better with "the one that got away". As with all failed relationships, hindsight is 20/20 so realistically - he could have made the same mistakes with her that he made with you. I think that your husband was just dealing with the distance between you by reaching out to someone who knew him "when". Someone who still had good memories of him when he still felt his future was ahead and full of promise. Who isn't tempted by the past now and then, especially when times are hard?

    I don't think this was anything more than him wanting to feel good again. And look at the effort you both are making to move forward. I think you should put the past where it belongs - behind you and keep your eyes on your future

    Good luck.

    • You're right, I need to keep moving forward and leave this behind. HOpefully I can get the thought out of my head soon. I appreciate your advice, thank you.

    • You're very welcome.

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What Guys Said 2

  • well I think that I have a girl that I will never be able to get over completely, ever. so many unanswered questions. I think its normal.

    • I guess if I think back, I have one like that too. But I would NEVER admit it to anyone or text him. I just think about "what if" sometimes.

      Thanks for your feedback, good insight...

    • Your welcome

  • tell him you know..

    tell him you deserve the truth..

    ask him if he was just looking back over his shoulder, and has turned his head back to straight ahead, for you and him.

    it seems like something is missing between you 2, and should definately be discussed.

    if you really want him, reassure him, that you can move on, WITH HIM, no matter why he said those things, because sometimes men get gittery, I know, I am a man, and sometimes think of the past.

    tell him your hurting and need to recover in order to move forward and TOGETHER in your relationship with him, and you need to feel SOLID with him again.

    he will understand, and tell you his heart. (dont stop till you get your answers)


What Girls Said 1

  • I had an ex seek me out after he had been married for about eight years. I was friends with his wife all through high school and had been the one that actually set them up after he and I broke up. He had a couple a drinks and started tellin me I was the one that got away. I talked to him for about 2 hours and really got to the bottom of the deal. they were hitting a rough patch and I was his comfort zone. I told him I knew really loved her the family they had together and to go home and be nice! I also told him that loved and cared for of them very much, and that is why we will never speak of this evening or conversation again. What's in the past sometimes gives poeple a nostalgic feeling and they don't remember all of the crap. It's when they are feeling down or old or lost that they want to go back. For the most part I think it's just a daydream of "what could have been" and just a break from the present day reality of the life they have now. Counseling in good and if he's been willing to go through it with you that says a lot right there. Good luck and best wishes.

    • Thanks for sharing your story. We need more woman like you in this world, I think we would have far fewer divorces if men came across sound advice like that more often - esp from a woman. I appreciate your approach and you're right, I'm sure there are times we all want to just go back to an easier time...esp when we are surviving on a few hours of sleep a night.

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