I felt my husband had been distant after the birth of our second child so I went through his phone. I found several texts with 3 ex gfs. The most concerning was one that he told her "You were the one that got away" She replied with "How different life would be if we knew then what we know now". I can get over the other stuff I saw but having a hard time getting over this. This girl lives in another state and my husband hasn't been out of town to visit her. I talked to her too, she has a serious medical condition and I'm not sure sex is even possible for her. I blocked her number from his phone so he cannot receive her texts anymore.
Still can't shake the feeling I get when thinking of my husband telling another woman she was the one who got away?
Am I justified in feeling like this was almost as bad as having sex with someone else? What can I do to move past this?
PS Our relationship has improved greatly since I discovered the texts and we started counseling, and I'm feeling much better, but still can't get this one thing off my mind.
Most Helpful Girl
With the ups and downs of relationships it's hard not to reach into the past and reminisce on more hopeful times.
I think he was reacting to your current situation. Instead of reaching out to you, he was coping in other ways - by contacting the past.
Let's be honest here - there is no way he could factually know that his life would have been better with "the one that got away". As with all failed relationships, hindsight is 20/20 so realistically - he could have made the same mistakes with her that he made with you. I think that your husband was just dealing with the distance between you by reaching out to someone who knew him "when". Someone who still had good memories of him when he still felt his future was ahead and full of promise. Who isn't tempted by the past now and then, especially when times are hard?
I don't think this was anything more than him wanting to feel good again. And look at the effort you both are making to move forward. I think you should put the past where it belongs - behind you and keep your eyes on your future