Cut off contact completely unless he is ready to prove he will commit to me or in understanding where he is coming from keep at arms length?

I moved to Seattle August of 2016 and was having a blast. I went to a yard sale and purchased furniture from this guy later thinking I should have asked for his number. A week later we matched on Bumble and when we realized how we had already met had a good laugh and things just progressed from there. He is a year younger than me and has dated only one woman prior which lasted a little over a year and ended because he felt overwhelmed and ran. He comes from a small town and isn't someone who wants to rush the romantic aspects of his life, he doesn't believe in divorce and as a mathematics man he feels he needs a pool of experiences to make such a decision about who he'll spend his life with. I demanded a proper date and he took me to a baseball game. At the time I wasn't looking for anything serious and neither was he, so I had no reservations about hooking up the first night. I didn't plan to see him again (not because I didn't like him) but he left his jacket at my house. The hookups continued for a couple weeks and we made the decision to be exclusive for health and ease. Gradually over the next couple months it turned into a real relationship. In November I had fallen for him and let it slip in December. He pulled away and was very open about the fact that the L word scares him. We had broken after this and gotten back together because he wanted to try again only to result in him saying he thinks he came back for the wrong reasons. I made the mistake of not demanding that he work to earn me back. I moved and he just came for the weekend, we talked and he wants to date more women. I told him consider me gone and if he realizes his lost he will have to bring his A-game like no other. He liked that. I am confused bc when he questioned coming to see me I didn't try to convince him and just said fine don't come when he was trying to start a dialogue; he said that wasn't the right move. Where is the balance here is unclear to me?


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What Guys Said 1

  • He’s full of shit. The L word only scares him with you personally. He will never commit like you want. He’s a game playing flake. Move on

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    • I definitely know it scared him with his last relationship and that is why they ended. I just didn't know that before I had said it. I do think his maturity is lacking and doubt he would argue that, mine isn't always on point either. Thank you for your advice!

    • Being an older man who has had experiences, were you iffy of commitment in your youth? How would you have liked a woman to respond to that behavior? Do you think their was something that could have been said or done to impact that thinking when younger?

    • I was never “afraid” of commitment when I was with the one I really liked. That’s why I don’t believe him. His last girlfriend didn’t mean anything to him either

What Girls Said 1

  • I say cut him off you already gave him a second chance and he screwed it up again. If he sensuously wants to date other women he clearly doesn't care about you as much as you care about him and that will just lead to trouble if you keep trying. Cut him off and move on he isn't worth your time you deserve to be with someone who cares about you like you do them and isn't scared of saying the word love like seriously I get it's a big deal but, I can't when people call it the L word.

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