Are we really going to break up?

I have a somewhat complicated situation with my boyfriend of 10 months, or ex boyfriend I should say…

I have to give you the details of how we came to start dating for you to understand why I am so hurt and confused.

To make a very long story short I met my boyfriend two years ago when went away to college. He had already been attending the university almost two years before I got there. He was a ladies man who could, and did, have any girl he wanted.. He says the first time he saw me he told his friends I was the girl he was going to marry. He started to chase me right away but within a month of being in school I started a relationship with another guy and fell in love with him. We will call him bf1 (hes a horrible person btw…) and my current ex.. bf2. Both bf1 and bf2 are macho Latino men so they are difficult to handle sometimes and they are both at my school on a scholarship from their country. Any ways, the point of telling you that is because the ex I want back, bf2, has some major issues with my past with bf1.

The entire year I dated bf1, bf2 chased me. I became friends but mostly just chatted on Facebook or talked on the phone. BF1 was a cheater and an abuser but I was in love at the time and couldn’t bring myself to leave him. Whenever I was in pain I would call bf2 and tell him everything that had happened and talk about how sad I was and ask him what he thinks I should do to get bf1 back? I figured that since they come from the same culture he would know better than I what I should do. He would always take my side and even said that part of the reason he wanted to be with me so bad was because of my kindness, trusting nature, inability to be cruel (even when extremely provoked) when it came to dealing with bf1. Finally after about 9 months of dating bf1 we had one of our many break ups, but I thought this one was for real. Almost immediately I ran to bf2 for comfort and ended up sleeping with him…. I knew I was on the rebound and it was a mistake and told him I wanted to take it extremely slow. When bf1 wanted to get back together I jumped at the chance and basically told bf2 to forget about what happened and please not to say anything. He always kept the secret and always confirmed that I had done nothing wrong by sleeping with him; I was broken up at the time. To try to end this long story I basically hit it and quit it with bf2 and then jerked him around for a little while going back and forth trying to decided if I wanted to leave bf1 and start a new relationship with bf2. In the end I couldn’t bring myself to do it, and stayed with bf1 for a year until I found out he cheated on me and it was over. Only a week or less after that break up I started my 10 month relationship with bf2.

The first few months were amazing. He was on his best behavior and gave me all the space and freedom I wanted (bf1 was very controlling and kept me isolated). Ladies man, bf2, has no doubt had his fill of partying and casual sex. He is at the poi

oh wow. my messages is so long that I can't even finish what I was saying so here THE POINT. As soon as I feel in love with bf2 everything changed and we started fighting alot. He's tried to break up wtih me a few times.
I know that I was his first real love, and the first girl he ever took home or thought of marring. We have had some really HORRIBLE fights and “broken up” a few times in these past few months but I always talk to him and he always says he wants tobetogeth
i spent two months with him in his home this summer, allday everyday. his family LOVES me and all call me his wife. I was supposed to be there for 4 months but left early because we were arguing too much. I have been gone 1 month sofar andwe talk everyday
he broke up with me 4 days ago. weve talked a lot since then and he varies between sweet and comforting and cruel and hurtful. He says he wants to but will not change his mind this time because he belives there is NO HOPE
He says we should cut off all communication.. There is still a whole month to go before he comes home... Will he forget me.. If I don't try to communicate won't that make it easy for him to forget me? I don't want to call all the time bothering...
but I don't want this to be true... what do I do to get him to change his mind? I know he wants to... But he says he dosnt belive anymore that we can make it as a couple. he keeps telling me to find somone else evn tho I know that would kill him...
What do I do? I love him and want to marry him. I can't stop looking at the pics we took together this summer... He said I was his family.. and that he needed me... How can I turn this around? is he for real this time?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Hun, it's called reverse psychology he clearly wants you to beg. He wants you but wants to see your reaction on the situation he knows it kills you to think of goodbye forever. but boys will not say bye forever as soon as they see you're careless and hard to get they come back. Trust me my boyfriend is Mexican and he's macho aswell I know his thinking. My cousins are Mexican and I am too and they give me advise. It works men are weak their weakness is girls not giving a sh*t. Whatever you do, don't beg you're better than that hopefully just value yourself more. Um, I know you love him but if you love him my cousins advise to me was "put up with his bullsh*t, let him be an asshole you'll feel bad but if you show him you don't care you'll keep him" so when he comes back beggin you, be like um you initiated the break-up so stick to your word and stay w your pride. And watch he will be shocked ! itll take em about 4 days to realize what an idiot he is. I'm goen through hell with my boyfriend also so I'm gonna do the cut communication for a while. He personally cannot take it..he does it first then I ignore his calls and texts till he's like I love you and miss you


    • I hope this works... Mine is Dominian.. I've never met someone so macho... Even if he does come back and start communication with me I'm scared he'll never ask for me back because his pride won't let him... can I talk to you more through email or FB?

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  • He probably truly loves you, since he waited for you all that time (mean while you were going out ith bf1), and I think that this side of him, the cruel one, is like a protection he's trying to bild, may be he's afraid of being hurt. You thought as well that you were in love with bf1 and you ended up breaking up with him? He sure doesn't want that to happen. And try to be in his state, I mean you like played a little with his feeling, you slept with him, then looked for comfort by his side and it there it goes. I'm not telling you that you should give up, no, don't waste time, tell him that you really love him and that you WANT to marry him. Ask why is he thinking that there is No hope, and tell him that you're ready to make it work.

    • Im just scared... I already did what you say I should do and he still says no. Even chatting with him yesterday I was excited thinking he was going to change his mind.. He flat out said "i want to change my mind but if I do I'm scared we will just go back to the way things were" I promised him that I would try my hardest and he just says no.... that we should cut off all communication and leave each other alone.. forever! not even friends.... just not enmys

    • The if he still refuse to give it another try, ask why, just tell him to give you explanations? Why isn't he believing you when ou say that you gonna try harder? I mean there's probably something that made him change his mind suddenly, 'know that fights play a big role in it, but it may be something else. Good luck =)

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