Broke up with the man I thought I would marry?

I've with this man for the past year and everything has been wonderful. We've had our ups and downs but we always get through what comes our way. He suffers from OCD and has a very messed up family so we lived together over summer so he could try to get back on his feet after everything his family put him through. I've fallen madly in love during this past year and we talked about our future often and mostly he initiated every conversation about that. He expressed wanting to get engaged soon and moving back in together once we finish our respective degrees (we are both juniors in different colleges). We've had to be long distance for the past 3 months but we saw each other almost every other week but he feels unsatisfied with our current relationship. He says he loves me so much and he went from seeing me everyday and living with me to basically having a relationship through the phone and occasional visits. He said he needs me to be near him or else everything is dull without me. He said he can't fully enjoy his university because I'm not there with him. He told me he wanted to break up so he could focus on school and his experiences and grow into a man who could take care of me. Even though he says that, I've already heard from our mutual friends that he's slipping down a bad slope in school. He stopped doing his homework and is skipping now. He's smoking everyday and going to parties. He didn't do any of this while we were together, he struggled with school due to his OCD but I would always help him get back on track. I just don't know what's happening to him and I'm worried and I think it would be better if he were doing this with me so we could continue growing together. We haven't talked in a week but briefly he called me crying saying how much he loves me and he can't do this without me and needs me there to help him and then maybe an hour into our conversation he changed his mind or something and turned on the offense and hung up. What should I do?


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What Guys Said 2

  • While he may have some strong OCD traits, it also sounds like he suffers from significant depression. You cannot rescue him from his mental illness. It is much more likely that he will pull you down rather than you pulling him up. You may need to learn that lesson the hard way, as I did being married for 17 years to a woman with borderline personality disorder.

    Good luck!

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  • Look as a woman who are you to tell a guy what he should or shouldn't do he is a grown ass man ok I know it hurts but as a woman you need to make your self better so when it's time for your man there would be no problem go to school and get your money TBH I only can speak on what I know

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What Girls Said 1

  • This is a tough one. I’ve been in a few LDR’s and ultimately learned that they really aren’t made for everyone. However, it sounds like this is more of a codependent thing than just missing someone due to distance. Hopefully you can instill in him that he can be ok without you.

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