Cheating. Forgiven and Not Forgotten?

I was overhearing a conversation on the train today, and this topic came up. Apparently one of the two girls talking to each, said that she had cheated on her boyfriend (at the time), who is now her husband, and the father of her child.

She said that he forgave her about her transgressions, but still brings it up every now and again, when something that would be remotely related to fidelity (or lack thereof) came up. Is that fair to bring up the past, if you've forgiven someone?

Also, she said that if he were ever to cheat on her, she would not think twice about leaving. To me that's a double standard, but do you (the person that was initially cheated on) give up that right when you "forgive" your partner, or do you effectively have a "get out of jail free card"?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • 1. She would leave him right away if he cheated because it's an easy out, she clearly didn't care before about him, and doesn't now. I don't think love is something you "Grow" into. It's something that is there from the minute you say it for the first time, and that strength exists until you part. But then there's her second problem.

    2. She says he forgave her, well clearly that's a lie. Because if he forgave her, then he would never think about it, or bring it up; even if just occasional. Love is patient. Love is unconditional. Even if my husband was a mass-murderer or did something terrible, I would still love him, I would still stand by his side. He's my partner for life. I don't believe in divorce, but I also don't believe that once you've cheated on someone, they should marry you, and devote their life, when you clearly can't commit yours.

    3. I am assuming she didn't tell him about the affair until after they were married also, which breaks the WHOLE POINT of marriage, to be completely honest, prior, and during the marriage. or what is the point? If we are all a bunch of liars, then of course we are going to divorce.

    4. VERY good topic here cookie monster cupcake! Really opens a door of thought for me anyways.

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What Girls Said 2

  • i really agree with the double standard thing...it isn't right. say she made a really bad mistake for whatever reason, maybe he did too...hes no less human then her, we all make mistakes. if he gave her the chance and forgave her, he deserves the same. I don't think its right to keep bringing up the past if you forgave the person, but make it clear that you won't forget or you still haven't if somehow that or a related situation comes up. I've been cheated on and forgave the guy but made sure he understood I would not forget and it wouldn't be forgiven the next time. I forgave him so if I had cheated id expect the same. actually, I hadn't cheated I was only hanging out with an ex ii was still friends with and of course got accused of a bunch of crap, and so he dumped me. no explination..she straight out "we're done. delete my number" I was like are you serious? I didn't even do anything but say I had, I gave you 1 more chance, everyone deserves one unless its they do something really serious and its to dangerous to risk it happening again(example a guy beats you 1/2 to death or almost kills you maybe something was seriously wrong and he got help but I don't think id take that chance). I know I definitely don't cheat, I see it as if you cheat you probably don't want to be with your s.o. so break up or talk about it.

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  • I wouldn't forgive in the first place! "Once a cheater, always a cheater!" They broke my trust and heart, why should they get away with my forgiveness.

    I haven't been cheated on or anything but my mother has by my father, it's good that she left him.

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What Guys Said 3

  • You're talking about cheating like it somehow gives the person who got cheated on power. If you cheat on someone, and they stay with you, it's them telling you that you've committed the most egregious of trust violations, and the other person is so attached to the relationship that they aren't going to leave you.

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  • I'm part of the group that MIGHT forgive but never forget. To me that's not something I fouled get over very easy. It's for that reason that I think I'd just leave the girl. I couldn't live with being lied to and cheated on. It's not something you do to a person you love, no excuses.

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  • The problem is you're trying to apply logic to relationships and how men and women act.

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