I don't think my partner thinks about her actions, but tries to flip blame to me when confronted about it?

Been in this relationship for nearly 4 years now. I do everything I can to make her life easier; iron her clothes before work, make her coffee, make dinner every night, clean and generally do everything she doesn't.

Now, I don't have an issue with doing any of this, if there was some input on her side. I've spoken to her about helping out and she immediately gets defensive and uses her mental health as a way of not doing anything.

Yesterday I got really hurt by what she did. I unfortunately had to take the day off work due to illness, it wasn't pretty, fever, nausea, sweats, it was horrific. Before she went to work she knew I was ill, she knew I'd been sick. But yet she made plans to go do stuff after work... Now I know this sounds like whining, but every time she is ill, I'm home immediately after work, cancel plans, try and do everything I can to make things easier and help her feel better. When I raised my concern she snapped at me and said "Right, how was I meant to know you weren't at work, he came in and made plans in person, what was I meant to do?"

I kindly responded "I've been violently sick since the moment you left for work, I thought you would be coming home given how I am. Given that everytime you are ill, I make sure to look after you and help as much as possible."

This exploded into her blaming me for not keeping her informed, and that she wouldn't have made plans had she known I wasn't going into work (I work in the food industry, after being sick it's 48hours before you can handle food again).

Im at the end of my tether, I really love her but she hurts me in ways I wasn't aware of. I feel so played, I feel like a 2nd thought. It was my birthday a few months back, no card no present no thought.

Anyone been in a similar situation?
Advice would be greatly appreciated.


Most Helpful Girl

  • What exactly do you love about her? From this, she not only doesn't sound pleasant, she doesn't seem to love nor value you.

    • Now that you've asked that, I don't actually know.
      I should have 101 things to list off about how I love her, but I can barely think of one.

    • Show All
    • I hope you don't mind me asking, but how long have you two been together and how long has it been the way things currently are? I've realized that people tend to stay with someone due to familiarity. They've just been with them for so long that's it's hard to walk away from something due to all the time invested into it. They don't want to look at it as a "waste" but the reality is we need to be able to have an objective view at the people in our lives and not just a subjective one. Are these things you want to deal with forever? If you had children with her would you want her treating them the way she treats you?

      My ex and I broke up in January because of our differences but we still love each other. He still cares for me when I am sick. I still do the same for him. We still treat each other with respect, with love. We have compassion for one another, put each other before ourselves. When you love someone it's about them and not about yourself, but she's too focused on herself.

    • I don't know if you're Christian, but 1 Corinthians 13 has never been more true about love:

      4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

      8 Love never fails

      This is what love is. And you certainly have it, but this love is one sided. You deserve much more, you have a beautiful heart and you deserve someone who will tend to it.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Focus on yourself!!
    Make her feel your importance.
    Sometimes people don't realise how much effort we put into them until we stop.
    That is what you must do.
    Stop doing her work work, let her do her own shit!
    Distance yourself from her & observe her reactions.
    Don't be overly kind, people tend to think kindness as weakness.
    If she does wrong take revenge!
    You must validate your importance & earn your respect!!
    Good Luck!!!
    P. S. If nothing works DIVORCE THE BITCH!!!


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What Girls Said 2

  • Personally if you are doubting yourself. You should break up with her. She definitely does not sound like a nice person to be around

    • Thanks for the MHO

      I hope everything turned out for the best with you and her

  • Sounds like this relationship has ended. Dump her.


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