Should I tell my ex girlfriend I wouldn't hurt her?

my ex girlfriend had a long relationship before me in wich her boyfriend cheated on her.

now we broke up after a couple months right when we started to ger closer , we didn't have a single fight or anything and because of the things she said and how everything went down i belive she just really scared of getting hurt again and feeling the pain all over.

i gave her no reason to think i would do that to her but i believe her past is kind of a trauma for her.

now i'm wondering if i should reach out to her and tell her that i wouldn't do that to her and would never hurt her in anyway similar to what hapenned in her past?


Most Helpful Girl

  • This is a delicate issue and you should be careful. She is obviously very hurt by her past, but she is right. She is not yet ready for a relationship and you will have to respect that. She cannot truly make you happy in the long-term if she does not come to peace with her past and learn and grow from it.
    If you want to be there for her, then you must do so without any expectations of a relationship afterwards because then you aren't doing it for the right reasons. If you think she needs help etc then by all means be there for her, but that does not mean that there will be a relationship in it for you at the end.
    Coming to terms with being cheated on takes time, to varying degrees for some people. If you are really willing to wait for her then that is your choice. But she must come to a decision for herself and you can't really speed up the process. She needs to refind herself and self-confidence and validation from herself and not from a guy. Let her figure this out but reach out if you are worried about her.

    • Thank you for your clear response, everything you say makes sense and it hurts me to see she is strugling with it because she is an amazing girl.

      She texted me today saying “i just think i have more to proces than i expected” i have no idea how to respond to her now or what she would want me to do

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    • Thank you, this clears a lot for me.

      I will follow your advice, what if she doesn’t respond to a check up text?

    • If she doesn't reply then it probably means that she is trying to move on and not look back. It is an unhealthy way of doing it, by silently telling you to stay away but you will have to accept that she would not want contact anymore and that is your sign to move on.

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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 3

  • Showing up over and over will hurt her...

    But if you want to get along with her again

    You can talk / should talk

    • after 7 days of no contact i did reach out to see how she was doing and she responded she wasn't doing well and felt really bad for it. she also said she "i have to do this myself i guess" wich to me kinda sounded like a cry for help because of the "i guess" part

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    • i definetly want her, just don't want to come acros as hopeloss towards her you know?

      maybe just give her a couple days of space first?

    • Yes you can give her time

      And we ll never know if it was hopeless unless you give it a try...

      So in mean Time think of you and her
      If you are good for each other or not

  • Na she ended it with you, if you do that you would sound like a major pussy. Maybe she will come crawling back if you stay away.

  • Yeah, also that's a bit unfair and she should not let this ass influence her live so much.

    • i know but it was her first love so i understand it does still influence her a bit.
      do you mean i should tell her that?

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    • just going over to her place?

      i want to be there for her but i don't want to be pushy and also give her time and space if she need it.

    • Of course only if you think she needs someone, maybe just drop some chocolate or cake then and see if she welcomes you. And yeah it's tricky to find the right time.

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