On day 2 of fight need help?

Hey so here's the gist- my boyfriend doesn't like me not being here, he basically insists that im the only thing that makes his life ok, but i have family and friends who i love and love to see, whom he's never gotten along with, so he never comes with me. I basically have to ask his permission then deal with a bit of an attitude for awhile. I have anxiety so i snapped & last night he said 'he didn't want to hold me back' (its hard to go out with anxiety so its a big deal for me to anjoy going out) and that things would only get worse. I thought it was his roundabout way of letting me go... we slept on it, and now he's basically asking me to go along with it, and thats it, i need to ask his permission, put up with the attitude, limit going out as often as poss, and its going to get worse! We've been together 10 years. Am i an asshole? I dont know what to do. he's implied if i ever left him hed kill himself, or at least give up on everything. I do love him though, does that count if im miserable? Im so screwed.


0|0
12

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • It's emotional blackmail what he has got u under.

    1|0
    0|0
    • I know. I usually hate myself every day. But if something happened because of me leaving how could i forgive myself? Its my fault im still here, i entrenched myself into his life. I thought for a little while things would get better, and 10 years feels like too late. I've always been weak.

    • What if something happened to him while Ur still with him? would you prefer that ( let life take its course)

  • How about not asking for permission and simply saying you are going and that's that? This is plain manipulation and I should know.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 1

  • After 10 years I would not have expected him to be acting like this. In my opinion you don't need to ask for his permission, would've thought you would only need to take his feelings into consideration. No, you're not an asshole, and I'd hate to see you cut off from your family and friends, you cannot rely on your significant other only. No I don't believe it is worth you being miserable just so he can be happy. It's quite selfish him threatening you like that, because that's a massive weight on your shoulders since you care about his well being. If you want to make it work, there has to be a compromise. Suggest coming to a deal that once a week (a specific day if that helps him) you go out and see whomever you would like to, whether it's family or friends. And then the rest of the time he can have your attention. But to be honest, sounds a bit toxic and for your own sake I think it would be best if you called it off

    1|0
    0|0
    • I wish he could acknowledge that logic, i have tried to explain, and we actually do the night a week like you suggested. He really hates it and i think part of the getting worse will be scrapping it. I suppose im just looking for a way to leave him without guilt and a complete sense of displacement. Weve been together since our teens and he was my best friend before that. I have no idea what i would do. Thanks for advice i can pretty much only express myself honestly anon like this, its nice to feel like im talking to someone

Loading... ;