I Miss My Ex, Should I Reach Out To Him?

Our breakup was pretty messy. I was going through a really though time. I’ve had an abusive past with my mother, and I was still trying to cut the ties and I also lost someone to suicide. My mental health wasn’t in the right place, so I would frequently freak out on people, him included. I treated him poorly because of what I was going through, and I was never really honest as to how hard I was taking these things. I don’t know why, because we had a really intense bond. I just decided to keep this from him because I didn’t want to seem problematic. And I especially didn’t want him to know that my living situations at that time weren’t any better from when I lived with my mom. I wasn’t completely honest with him, and I feel terrible for treating him that way because he’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I’ve been with other guys, but they don’t make me feel the way he did. I always think about him when I’m getting involved with another guy. I feel like I’ve grown the time we were apart, and I’ve changed. I’ve cut all the negative parts of my life out and am much happier, but I would feel even more happy with him. He’s the one who brought about breaking up although he was probably because the way I treated him, but he was really hesitant about it and it was hard for him. He told me how messed up he was because of it. By arguing with him, I really pushed him into it. I really wish I had fought more for him, and I wish my mental state would have been better, because he really did treat me well. He was my best friend and I want to talk to him again and apologize for my mistakes and the way I mistreated him because of what I was going through. Is this a good idea? I really do miss him.
I Miss My Ex, Should I Reach Out To Him?
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