Okay last June I proposed to my then girlfriend of 14 months. I was best friends with her for ten years (starting from 10-20 years old before we started dating) she was my first girlfriend and this is embarrassing but at 20 years old my first kiss and my only sexual partner. I have Aspergers and would always scare away girls but not her. We lived together for her final semester in college and things were going so well. She had told me she could see her self being with me together and even asked about our long term future together about ten months into the relationship. I mistook that as meaning she wanted to marry me and then I started planning out the proposal I took her to the spot where we had our first date and called the owner and told him bring the ring out with the check. I got down on one knee and made a three minute speech with the whole restaurant looking at me and she didn't want to humiliate me so she jumped up and said yes and kissed me. I was never more happy in my life. We then went out to her car and then she started crying and then said she couldn't marry me. She said that she just doesn't love me enough to marry me and said it wasn't fair to me and I should find someone who loves me as much as I love her. She then told me she had an affair and needed to get it off her chest. I didn't ask because I knew I wouldn't like the details. I miss everything about her. I can't stop thinking about her. I feel so empty without her. She used to kick in her sleep and at around 2:45 in the morning every day she would kick me and I would wake up then go back to bed and now I wake up and can't sleep anymore. I want to be with her and just her and the thought of another women repulses me. I just want to be with her and I know she doesn't want to be with me and I know as I type this she is fucking Mr perfect who is 6'5 a Calvin Klein model and is hung like an elephant. She is with someone else and I know I will never find anyone like her.