Is the phrase "It's not you, it's me" true or false?

Do people just say it to avoid hurting the other person or is it really their problem? What do you think is the difference between guys and girls who use that phrase?

  • True
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  • False
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What Guys Said 26

  • The “It’s not you, it’s me” routine got its bad reputation after it fell into the wrong hands and was eventually overworked and clichéd. In the beginning, it wasn’t so much of a line, but more of the person breaking up lacking communication skills. The person saying these words is taking responsibility for their inability to please you. They are letting you know that you are not the problem, and that they are. The puppy-eyed look that follows this line isn’t all for show. It hurts them to hurt you.

    Why will someone break up when they are in pain too? Sometimes a person will sacrifice their happiness to make a better future for the both of you. This is called bravery. This usually happens when a couple has grown apart and it cannot be controlled. We often get stuck in a comfort zone that we mislabel as love or happiness. The breakupper is the stronger link. The words “It’s not you, it’s me” always hold a deeper meaning, but it is up to you to decide what that meaning is. If you were dating a jackass, you should know that by now, and it was definitely a copout. If your S. O. truly is a sweetheart, allow yourself a cooling off period before contacting them.

    Assuming that the breakupper is a kind-hearted person who just doesn’t express their feelings very well, you should be able to get some information. The guilt and missing you will be killing them when you call a few days after the breakup. It’s best to have the conversation in person, but a phone call will do too. There aren’t any magic words, there’s no skill needed here. In a calm voice ask, “What happened?” you will find everything you’re looking for from there, even if they say something you don’t like.

    Don’t expect an explanation to bring you closure. More often than not, the explanation will piss you off when you first hear it. You might feel the need to defend yourself, but don’t. Just listen; this is an opportunity to learn. Don’t scheme to get back together, let them have their space. You will need to do some growing up of your own before you fully understand that the breakup protected you. In the end, don’t let this experience haunt you. Mourn, learn, keep it moving and remember, it’s not you, it’s them.

    Hope it helps. 😊🇮🇳

    *based on few assumptions.

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  • Most of the time it's true.. the person s saying they aren't ready for a relationship, or they feel you aren't compatible for various reasons.

    But it CAN be just an excuse, to hide the truth... If theydon't like your religion or political stance, some girls will pull out this phrase as a sort of universal cop-out.

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  • Its true... but its misleading
    even if its you... that phrase still kinda applies, cause no matter what the reasons are, it's always going to root back to 'its me' ... cause at the end of the day it's him making the final choice lol

    true but misleading..

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  • It's NOT you, it's their perception of and response TO you that's the issue.

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  • It's both. Generally if someone is telling that to you, it's you and they are trying to be nice. There are some cases where it's actually the other person.

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  • I think that people are genuine when they say things like that. Sometimes you really do like someone but you just cannot bring yourself to commit to them. The problem isn’t them, it’s you, and you want the other person to know that they did nothing wrong.

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  • It's never their problem lol just something to get shit done ya know , I don't use that I say I'm becoming religious and knowing women haram gets shit done quicker

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  • I've used it before because it was me. I was dealing with trust and space issues that was my baggage and didn't have anything to do with her, but I realized I wasn't being a fair or good partner and ended it.

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  • I think it's true, but it's not always used honestly.

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  • guys say it bc they know women can't take rejection in any way shape or form her 'female' pride it too big ... more over have u seen any women admit that a failed relationship is her fault even partially...

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  • There's a big grey area. And that's where said phrase usually falls.

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  • Yes.

    However, the full phrase is "it's not you, it's me that's ending this" :D

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  • The phrase is quite confusing.

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  • Leave him

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  • True

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  • Please... Stop making bad polls, LOL!

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  • True

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  • Yeah its true it means the one party sees that y'all aren't compatable so instead of wasting your time he's rather cut it off you gotta find someone that works for you as you do to them

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  • Depends on the situation and in what context it was said !!

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  • I've used it and it was a little of both.

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  • In my case, it's true.

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  • it takes 2 to make it work

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  • It's always an excuse to a match that was actually a mismatch

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  • I think its neither. Basically, if you aren't compatible you can either blame yourself for not being compatible to the other person or you can blame the other person for not being compatible with you. "It's not you, it's me" is just the nicest way of saying it.

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  • From men it is generally true.
    From women it is generally false.

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  • It depends but yeah it’s sometimes used to not hurt their feelings

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What Girls Said 8

  • False.
    i honestly think its something people say to people when they don't want to hurt the others feelings but it is them for whatever reason they don't feel the right way about the person.

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  • I said it once in the context that I didn't feel comfortable being in a relationship with this guy who clearly wasn't over his ex, despite being the one who asked me out. I felt bad because he was a nice guy, but his attention was 50/50 between her and me.

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  • It depends, some people mean it and other people just say it to be nice

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  • it's just an excuse

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  • it means... "it absolutely IS you"

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  • Sometimes it is them.

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  • I think it truly depends on the situation and the context. Sometimes people know that a person is not right for them and that's the nicest, albeit cliched way of saying it. Other times they could be hiding something and don't know how else to say they no longer want to be with you.

    Humans are constantly evolving and changing, and sometimes I think are needs and wants change and it's no fault of the other person, so in that case saying "it's not you, it's me" would be entirely accurate.

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  • True. It's not you, it's me. "I" can't stand you anymore.

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