they do it so should we. if that is the case, then why do people feel betrayal, feel cheated, heartbroken why do people long to be a couple, why is raising a child with two parents good and better, we could have the kid tossed around for all we care. not that single parents do bad job). why feel naturally heartbroken, why do we even use the term cheat, it implies something against the natural older of things
what the hell is going on here
why the secrecy
why the guilty
Most Helpful Girl
Cheating is not okay. But to me, it's not the actual acts that are done when someone cheats (i.e. having sex with someone else), it's the lies and deception that tend to go hand-in-hand with it. Of course we're going to feel "naturally heartbroken" when someone that we trust and that is supposed to be honest with us lies to us and breaks that trust.
That said, I don't think that monogamy is necessarily the "natural order of things". Sure, a lot of people prefer monogamy and believe that it is the only "right" kind of relationship to have, but not everyone feels this way. Some people are naturally non-monogamous. They often choose to have open relationships--because they don't beieve in lying to their partners about the fact that they may have a close relationship and/or have sex with someone else. Other people may be non-monogamous, but either don't realize that having an open relationship is an option, can't find someone else who is interested in this kind of relationship that they're interested in, have jealousy or insecurity issues (so they would be upset if their partner could see other people as well), or subscribe to the idea that they SHOULD be monogamous, even though they don't really feel that way. In these cases, the person may cheat, or simply never commit to a relationship. (I'm not saying that this is the only reason people cheat, sometimes it's that they get a thrill from doing something "bad", they aren't getting what they want/need from their relationship, etc.).
Sex with multiple partners, even if you're in a relationship, isn't necessarily a bad thing (provided you're open and honest about it and practice safe sex). We are socialized to think of the person we're in a relationship with as belonging to us. When they share intimacy with other people, we see this as something that is being taken away from us. But what is being taken away from you? Would you be upset if your girlfriend went out one evening to hang out with her female friends? Probably not (unless you're in an unhealthy relationship where you don't allow each other to have other friends). So if instead of seeing her girlfriends, she hangs out with a male friend and they have sex. Nothing in your relationship has changed--she still loves you, still wants to be with you, still wants to be with you, still has sex with you. It's not taking time away from your relationship, since she would have spent that time apart from you anyway. As long as you have a solid and healthy relationship, there's no reason for her to want to leave you for this other person. The only difference is that she shared an intimate moment with someone else (but, I mean, sometimes a meaningful conversation can be more intimate than sex, so should she avoid talking to other people so that she won't end up having that kind of intimate moment with someone other than you as well?).