We've been together 7 years with my ex-husband. He s 46 and im 31. We always got along well and didn't feel an age gap. After 4 years of being together we got married. He worked in another country and after marriage i quit my job and moved to stay together. I got pregnant, due to health and work issues we decided it will be better for me to go to my home town to deliver a baby and after to come back. After i left he got distant, hardly answered my calls, disappeared on weekends, didn't contact me to know how i was. I didn't want to think he cheated on me because i trusted him, he assured he settled down and didn't want anyone else. He told me he was busy at work. I asked if he wanted to separate with me. He said never would it happen. After the birth of our son we were happy. He seemed fine but behaved distant saying that he has work on his mind. He left to his job place saying he will take us in 3 months. After he left he almost stopped contacting us. I tried to speak with him but his answer was sorry i have a lot of work. He didn't take us in 3, in 6 months with the same excuse. Finally we bought tickets after 9 months of not seeing each other. The day before he should have arrived i got a text from him saying he wanted a divorce and that he will never come to see us and that i and son were mistake in his life. I was shocked. I called him, he said he found another woman and cheated on me since my pregnancy. He gambled and withdrawed all the money from our joint account. He didn't seem himself. Our families were shocked. He went silent treatment. It passed 4 months, he never asked about his son and doesn't wish to discuss legal issues, doesn't answer my texts and calls. He left us without house and money, my parents help me. I checked who this woman was- she is of his age but with plastic surgery and dressing like a teenager. I still dont know what has happenned and why he changed and ran away like this abandoning us. Maybe anyone faced with something like this?
Most Helpful Guy
I'm sorry to hear about your situation, that's a nightmare.
And with that said, here's my thoughts... He gave you all the signs of pulling away and treating your poorly (lack of contact) which is when you should have immediately straightened him out.
Obviously none of this is your fault, he's a total cunt.
We teach our partners how to treat us, and when he gives you distance and stops communicating that's your time to address it as a serious issue, not later when he disappears.
I'm just saying that your life and your happiness is YOUR responsibility and it's YOUR job to keep yourself safe from assholes. And when your partner is treating you like an asshole your job is to make him stop, or make him go away.
If you made your concerns clear, which you probably did, and he still didn't feel like calling more and reassuring his nervous wife/girlfriend then that's when you needed to take care of yourself by leaving the shitty situation.
I get that we often hang out way too long when we love someone and when we're insecure and worried nobody else will love us... or what ever... but love yourself MORE... when you love yourself MORE it's EASY to push someone away because your gut wants to keep YOU safe.
It's better to be alone and confident and happy than to be chasing some person who disrespects us and leaves us feeling insecure in our most important relationship.
I hope the courts can help you get some child support, and at least make it hard for him to come back into the country.
And I hope you build yourself up and demand more from the people you allow into your life... you need to be the best you now, so that your baby learns powerful self esteem behaviors from mommy.
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Most Helpful Girl
Okay, although i didn't personally know you guys but can i ask if he was distant or behaving strangely before you left or your hometown? Maybe he was already cheating and he wanted to wait for you to leave so he could cheat more easily. Is communication usually an issue with you guys? Do you have casual talks about the things you like? When you guys quarrel who gives in?
Maybe he also has personal issues and didn't bother talking it out with you, so he gambled stuff away and shit. Guys normally find it hard to open up to people about their insecurities.
Above all, i pray that you and your son stay strong because im sure you will make a good mother even without him. Maybe sometimes less is more.1
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