PLEASE DECODE - inconsistent signs from EX BF- What are his motives?

So my ex and I had a real bad breakup a month ago. Told me to never contact him again, but state wants me to be happy and wants the best for me even if it is with someone else. Of course I drank on some nights when I went out and called him/texted him. He never ignored me before but some days he got super angry and blocked and sometimes he was nice. I finally realized that he is not worth my time. I have not talked to him for over a week and then a couple of days ago he texts me asking "How are you doing?" (when he was the one that told me he needed space and for me to leave him alone a week before) and then he said the only reason why he texted me was because he was wondering why I called him/texted him so much a week before and that "normal people don't do that" -even though we already talked about it on that day. He made it seem as if I was psycho. Then he proceeds to ask "Have you moved on yet" and said I did not need to contact him the week before since my other ex is near me and I could have texted him or my other friends here unless I was "lonely". The he randomly asked if he can call me. I dont know why. He also accused me of being back with my other ex. I said no and when I told him I moved on, he was like "ok good. i just don't want bad blood. take care of yourself". He was the one that contacted me this time, not me. So I am confused. Then I had to ask him a question about work the next day which he answered to but when I asked him another question regarding our job he ignored it. And then I go on my snapchat and see last night and see that his friend (coworker of mine) put a picture on his story of my ex hugging and kissing this girl he hooked up with right before he was dating me. she has been in love with him and has spread a bunch of rumors about me and he knew how I felt about her. We also we haven't had each other on social media since our break up. Why is he acting like this? I am confused!!!
To add to this.. he has been super angry/sad with himself the last month of the realtionship. he knew he wasn't treating me right. we mutually broke up and then kept telling me he wants to work on himself but still wants to be with me. and then i found out sexual messages he was sending to another girl and accused him of it, not in the best way. and made it seem that it was all my fault and cut it off for good with me. we were dating for 6 months.


Most Helpful Guy

  • He sounds flat out emotionally abusive. None of this sounds like something that remotely resembles a healthy relationship. If he cared about you he wouldn’t be constantly mad and angry and pinning things on you, he would want to be there for you no matter what. My guess is he’s been through abusive relationships in his past, starting at an early, and is now repeating the behavior in his adult relationships as a means of gaining control over situations since he felt none when he was abused. It’s called “the gift that keeps on giving” for a reason.

    • I think for your own sake you need to get away from him or he’ll keep on dragging you down to his level. But as for the signals he’s giving you, they’re very clear. He wants nothing to do with you. He wants to fuck that girl from before you, and the extent of how much he cares is “checking in to make sure you’re still clinically alive.” He isn’t even trying to still have sex with you, he literally doesn’t care and has been over you for a while already. Just cut him off and move on for your own sake or he’s just going to keep making you look dumb for caring so much when he doesn’t give a shit about you.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Yeah he's just sad/angry about the whole thing and doesn't seem to know what to do. How you described it I think he regrets his decisions that ultimately lead to a break up and now he's just expressing emotions to you in his current state of mind without a filter. He's trying to cope with reality in which he does not want to believe. Honestly go easy on him, but move forward. No sense in not having any closure. He meant something to you at one point in time.


What Girls Said 1

  • I think you need to stop caring him. He is obviously a jerk and you dont need him in your life. By him doing all this show how immature it was for him. When you first texted or called him after the first week of break up is understandable because you loved him. You know guys take time to realize what he was missing and that is what happen. He just want your attention. Dont walk back hun, walk forward

    • we broke up Oct 2 and I contacted him 3x within the past 2 weeks here and there. said some depressing things to him and that i loved him of course. and i obviously felt stupid because i never ever did that before with anyone. he knows im better than him too. just hurts that he would go back to the girl he hooked up with before me that tried to ruin my name.

      you're right thanks girl means a lot <3

    • Good luck! And women are strong! And so are you! I know its hard but believe me it will be ok. I recently leave my first boyfriend too this month and it was a 4 years relationship but I know it was best for me to move forward since he emotionally cheated and unavailable.

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