How are we reacting so differently?

Blah blah I've said a portion of our break up in a question before. But we've gone completely separate ways with it. She's dating all the time, I haven't been able to even find another girl as pretty as her. She's constantly talking about how happy she is, (plus she's really successful... America's got talent, cheer, dance, singing, etc.) And I have a separate account on Instagram that only talks about my depression since she left. (She's following it by the way and she doesn't know it's me) I contemplate suicide daily, it's getting worse than its ever been. I miss some school about every week because I don't feel motivated to do anything anymore, I don't shower everyday, I never leave the house. She's having the time of her life. I just don't get it, she didn't want to break up with me in the first place. How the fuck is she so happy and ok with everything?
How are we reacting so differently?
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