How do I leave my emotionally abusive boyfriend?

I have had all i can take with my partner of 4 years. I can't take him anymore. I have nothing left to give, my self esteem is no longer there and i dont recognize myself anymore. I know i need to leave him to save myself but im scared and i dont know how. We live together and have loans together. Any advice would be great :(


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What Guys Said 20

  • Hi, Really sorry to read about your situation.
    Here's what you do.
    Pack your essentials, things that you need for everyday use, passport, clothes, Loan contact details etc.

    Leave a note telling him why you left and tell him that you will not answer his phonecalls/or change number.

    Do not turn your phone off and keep a record of how many times he will call, he will also try to use someone else's phone number to call you, let everything go to voicemail, then you can choose who to talk to.

    Go to stay somewhere safe, Parents ideally, instruct them not to give him access to contact you. He will try to contact you.

    Once there and safe, try to assess your situation and keep yourself positive

    Do not go to work for at least one week.

    Within a few days, contact Loan companies and explain the situation. They see this everyday, this is not a problem. They will agree to accept your side of the monthly payments separately.

    Good Luck and you can do this, message me if you need to

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  • Do not let financial entanglements keep you in an abusive relationship. First Google "How to leave an abusive relationship". Get a safe place to live temporarily, then figure out how to untangle the finances.

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  • If the loans were jointly signed, get a print out of payments and figure out what's left, if need be copy down payment options. Mark the ones you know you paid.

    Create your own bank account, use a new bank if possible. Change any work deposits to the new account. Get the bank to add a password or other security measure and inform them that they should not deal with your boyfriend.

    Regardless who pays the loan either of you must pay it off. He may be a dick and stop making payments. If this is the case sometimes it's easier to declare bankruptcy. The creditors will find a way to take their share of flesh regardless who's skin it is.

    If you can go to church or a women's interval home talk to somebody. Find out if there's a way you can stay with them as things get sorted out.

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  • Fid a place where you can keep belongings in the short term, a parent or relative's house would be less suspicious if possible. Or a good friend's house. Keep the number of a shelter hidden somewhere.

    Definitely start to get your affairs in order before youdo it. If you are poor i guess this will be more difficult. Try to avoid being vendictive, and avoid trying to fuck him over or whatever because you are upset. Try to find someone you can talk to about this and try to stay rational to avoid falling into the trap that would allow him to emotionally manipulate you... anyways

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  • It would be better if you solve all the loans and stuff before you leave. Because all people work hard to get to a position and if we leave them right away. They will get more frustrated and depressed. So it is better to solve all the problems before you leave.

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  • Call your family members in case he gets dangerous.

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    • its only me, my mom passed away when i was 16 and my dad isn't around sadly. Hopefully he wouldn't get violent. he hasn't before

    • Maybe you could get your friends to help protect you?

  • Pay your half of the loans to the bank and just walk out towards better skies.

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  • Get help from ur family and friends to get yourself together and then pack up and tell him to fuck off

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  • This is just an opinion, and I dont know if it is the best option, considering the loans thing, but it would be a good idea to get out of the house soon. Maybe without him knowing. You might want to get some legal advice from a lawyer to see what you can do about your loans.

    Im sorry that you have to go through this.

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    • I’ve tried to leave without telling before. He seems to always find a way to make me feel bad and come back, also the place we live is guarentored by my friend not his and he refuses to leave the place. Wouldn’t want anything to happen to the place to cause my friend trouble

  • remove yourself from the situation financially if you can, try anything. you're beautiful, im sure of it. tell him it isn't working out and you need to go. he's an immature child. you're better

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  • Have a friend or two around to make sure nothing to bad goes down then leave him.

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  • I think u should leave him because why be with someone that u are scare of instead of love ur frighten that's not good I think you should make savings and try to stay away move out?

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  • I think your gonna have to leave him.. cause you have gave him plenty of time to change, and he didn't

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  • Ur suitation are just like me

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  • Get a new boyfriend

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  • Split the loans and dump him

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  • Be brave and make yourself known that you won't be with him anymore

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  • Say goodbye, take your shit and leave

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  • Just walk

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  • Just quit out of the situation as soon as possible

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What Girls Said 4

  • Tell him straight. Get your affairs in order first. If you have loans, you'll have to come to some sort of agreement. Best to talk to a solicitor or something and then break up with him. Move out as soon as you can. Best of luck to you.

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  • Just leave. Loans and all can be handled separately too

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  • Move from there

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  • It will be difficult but it needs to be done, Get your things together and when you’ve got the important things together leave, if he is making you feel this way then you are better off without him.

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