Need Advice On How To Recover From Being Cheated On And Hurt After Moving Past It?

Sorry if this is too much detail, but essentially, my girlfriend and I had been dating about a year, and I broke up with her because of a lack of communication, silent treatment, etc. We talked it over after the fact, and after about a month, we ended up getting back together. Apparently, the feelings didn't return for her though, and she ended up cheating on me after we got back together. I forgave her, understanding that I had hurt her with the breakup, and it was wrong, but understandable at the time.

At any rate, she informed me after another few weeks that her feelings hadn't returned ever after the first breakup, so we broke it off mutually at that point, and decided to stay friends. About a month after that, I asked her and found out that she was hooking up with the guy she cheated with while saying she wanted to be friends with me. At this point, I just cut her off completely, but I'm honestly not sure how to deal with it personally, and I keep wondering why my judgment was so bad. I don't know.

Sorry again for all the info, but yeah, any advice is appreciated.


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  • Detail is important in these rough circumstances. It's important because it indicates where the details land from your perspective. You're not alone, many good people get victimized by folks that are insecure or insincere or just incompetent. I've been on both ends, and I absolutely thought I was being 'good enough' when it happened. Truth is, people can hurt each other very easily especially when they're younger. She made a choice, and then another one, and then another one. Nothing is this world can assure you those choices were connected or had meaning of intent on some greater scheme. So yeah, cut her off and ditch the stuff, photos and all, that hurt now. There's a lesson in this too: no matter how much you feel for someone that has hurt you, that hurt will heal as you grow to understand it in the grand scheme of YOUR life. And when you walk down the street and she's walking by, just smile. And keep walking towards the next girl. She'll be awesome you don't even know. Trust your judgment.

    • Thanks man, that really helps a lot. I really like that perspective on it - it really helps to eliminate my ego from the equation and be less self-centric in my view of it all in the big scheme of things.

    • Of course, glad it made some sense lol. George Carlin was once quoted as saying "Always do what's next," and it's easy to give in to the urge to reflect but right now, just make mindful choices and don't throw too much judgment at it or her. After everything I've done and experienced, she's C-/D+ at worst

    • Haha, that's fantastic - I love him. Yeah, I've already learned what I could from the relationship, so dwelling on it now would just be hurting me. Time to do what's next! I love how absurdly simple, yet profound, that quote is lol.

  • Stop blaming yourself for the break up; then, either date a new girl or have some alone time to grow and mature.

    • You're right. Is it that obvious that I take responsibility for too much? haha

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