Should I forgive my ex girlfriend for testifying against me in a domestic violence case?

I dated a girl for 2 years & I was abusive to her. I found out she pressed charges against me, but when I asked her did she ever talk to the cops she lied & said she didn't. So a year later, because of all the continuances and everything, (we were together during all of the back & forth & going to court, she even bonded me out), she sends me a text telling me that she called the cops on me for beating her, & she's the reason I was going through everything.
I was so hurt, I just walked away from her. The girl I was cheating on her with, I just made her my main girl, & went on a bender, Ended up getting the new girl pregnant. 2 weeks later. So, I decided to stay with the new girl. I told her I got the my new girl pregnant but when she laughed, I told her that I lied & there wasn't a baby. But she wouldn't stop calling and texting, even when I would ignore her. So sometimes I would go spend the weekend with her when my new girl would get too much.
My ex got loaded & showed up at me & my girl's apartment 2 mos after I walked away. Screaming my name & saying she wants to talk to me. My girl calls the cops on my ex & she had warrants out she went to jail.
So while she was in jail, I missed her and wanted to answer her calls but because of the no contact order I didn't. I sent her a message telling I loved her at one time.
So as revenge she testifies against me in court. She cries on the stand telling them how I beat her, but saying how much she loved me & how I never said sorry.
So I got 3 years.
When I was in jail my ex would write me, send my prayers, cards, books, etc. I never answered her. She would brag about how she got her life together & how she had to go to therapy because of me. She would send me self improvement exercises talking about how she changed & she hoped I became a better person. The whole 3 years she sent me stuff, sometimes she stopped for a couple of months, but she still sent stuff.
Should I forgive her for testifying against me?

Updates:
She was in jail when she testified.
She was in jail for 6 months because of warrants that were outstanding for her. Only reason she was caught was because she was freaking out in front of my and my girls apartment.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You deserved it for laying your hands on her BUT your legal council was pisspoor as her being in prison for an offence relating to you should have been the foundation of your defence, she's no credibility whatsoever
    My opinion, swings and roundabouts, deal with it!
    My opinion on whether you should forgive, everyone should have the chance to redeem themselves, but only if you're sure your relationship could work

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    • It was. He kept saying how she was stalking me. The bitch wouldn;t let me go. I would ignore her for weeks! And she would be constantly texting me. I threw her a bone every now and then, and show up, but still she was still always texting me and calling me when I was with my new girl. WTF? Thats why it I say it was revenge. She was pissed I left her lying ass for someone else, and threw her stalker ass in jail. My lawyer said that shit and she just crie talking about loving me and how her kids cried when they saw her bloody eye and shit. Of course she wouldn't talk about how she was pissed I let her, and when my lawyer said she was pathetic and it was all about my new girl she was all like no and then said some shit about her loving me and just wanted to talk to me. lying bitch... she was just jealous and trying to get revenge.
      Got a new lawyer for my defense and she went on stand again, and all she talked about was how much she loved me and prayed for me.

    • Fact is you NEVER hit a woman, isn't any exception to this. Just take it on the chin and learn from it, learn how to control your anger, learning is the thing here

What Girls Said 8

  • What is there to forgive? You should be grateful that she did the right thing.

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    • I was in jail for 3 years. Why should I be grateful for that?

    • You should be grateful that you were stopped from acting like an idiot further maybe ending up in jail for more time and the opportunity to recreate yourself from a worthless scumbag into a decent human being. If you don't understand my point and actually believe that she wronged you then do her a favor and tell her that she's a fucking worthless twat and that she should never talk to you again. It might sting a little at first, but that'll be what's best for her.

  • Okay, um... fuck you. You abused her and somehow think that you have the right to be forgiving her for telling people about it. I don't understand how a person can have such backwards thinking. You hit her, she doesn't owe you anything, no one owes you anything, get over yourself. Seriously, fuck you

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  • So what you’re asking is should you forgive her because you abused her? You’ve manipulated her into thinking it’s her fault. If she is writing you it’s because she’s gotten help and needs closure. You admitted to abusing her and dismissed your actions in the same sentence. You are one fucked up guy. She doesn’t need anything from you.

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  • Wow your brave to post this but I admire your honesty... I do t think you should forgive her I think you should apologise to her and set her free.. if you love her let her go and be happy with life and find someone that will appreciate her. You should take therapy to sort yourself out and stay single until you do because your not in any way ready to make someone happy. Ask yourself would you like your daughter with a man like you? How would you feel if someone treated your mum/sister/ anyone female that you love? You wouldn't so my advice is change your ways for you your no good to no one as you are. Failing that you could just carry on just like my ex Did, he didn't seek help and continued to lay his hands on every girl he got involved with after me.. that was until he met karma goes by the name of Angela, he raised his hand once and boy did she put him in his place and I don't know how but she made that man feel so weak so useless so unable to think or do anything for himself she owned him mind and body she chewed him up made him feel do small he was on a lead for 6 years she mentally and physically abused him. He is now nothing but a shell. And I can't help but belly laugh so hard! Karmais a bitch you wouldn't want to face it so my advice change you only you can.. or shrug it of and carry on as you are you will end up lonely and alone... from an ex domestic violence victim. You people kill our soul. Make your family and yourself proud and change

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  • Yes. It sounds like you were everything she described. You should probably worry about being a better person and cut all contact from her. You both need to move on. It sounds like she is in a better way now. Let her have that if you really ever loved her

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  • You are a horrible human being

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    • No Im honest and want to forgive her but I dont know if she deserves it

    • Does it matter? Please go to therapy and avoid romantic relationships for the rest of your life.

  • Sounds like she was scared to leave you. And question should be.. " Should my ex forgive me for beating her".. wtf

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    • She told me awhile ago she forgave me. She sent me all kinds of letters bragging about how much she changed and sent all these self improvement exercises and letters talking about how she knows Im a good person inside if I let go of my violence, self hate, and whorish ways. She was acting like I was a POS. But she was writing ME. I never answered any of her letters but she still wrote me all 3 years. All kinds of things, prayers, cards, etc.

    • Why is she telling you about how she changed.. you shoukd be teliing her how you changed.. like its her fault you beat her ass.. I been abused sooo.. It sounds like she still loves you but knows she shouldn't deal with you.. smh

    • she does love me. she said "I love you not because your are my baby daddy (I have 6 kids by 4 different women) , my son, or my brother. I love you because you are you" I held that tight in my heart. She didn't say shit for awhile, then she sends things talking about how I need to change. And she tells me I dont deserve her love. Wtf? I never answered her, and she kept sending things, Thats not desperate? or pathetic? She sent me to jail! Every other girl I hit never showed up in court, but she's going to testify? Why would she do that other than revenge because I left her for a new chick? My new girl was pregnant and I beat her, slashed her tires, and yeah she called the cops, but do you think she showed up at the any court hearings? Nope. Thats love and loyality. My ex says she loves me, if she did then she wouldn't have testified. Look, I need to let her go, she's in my head. I thought forgiving her would be the way. I loved that chick and she did this to me. I gave her a dog!

  • Yes you should. This is terrible, for both of you. Very toxic. But I think she loves you, you destroyed her. Both of you need therapy. You need to rebuild yourself

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    • she got therapy when I was in jail, rubbing it in my face talking about how much I hurt her and ther things her therapist said about me. And why do I need therapy? I love myself.

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    • Ok but why you put your hands on the women anyway? What’s the point?
      It seems that you care about her if you are here asking us if you should forgive her or not. I think you should.

      But you should also stop beating your women.

    • Women sometimes be talkin shit and you need to let them know you aren't toleratin their shit. It always works. Every woman who I have beat know their place. They might call the cops, but once I talk to them they realize they shouldn't have and dont show up to court. They know they fucked up and they show their loyality. My ex, even though she said loved me and I took her in, and gave her nothing but love. You dont understand, I took her into my family's home when she had nothing, my mother loved her! she betrayed me by lying. I asked her over and over again did she talk to the cops. She said no. Then she said yeah, my heart broke. She fucked everything up. Then she's going to testify against me? Wtf? ungrateful ass bitch, she liked the beatings, if she didn't why did she keep coming back? then to write me in jail? I loved her, I introduced her to all my family, and she through me in jail?

What Guys Said 2

  • What a rude motherlover, you were the abusive one and you are the one who forgive?

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    • She lied to me about pressing charges on me. I would have more respect if she told me to my face. And she was just pissed that I got with someone else, that's why she testified, because she sure wasn't doing it before when we were together

    • She might be irritating but however, you were abusive.. That's not ok

  • This is soooooo messed up.

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