Advice for my break-up, I'm not taking it well even though I know I need to focus on myself right now. Should I just let go?

Hi there.

A few weeks ago my relationship crashed and burned. We dated for almost two years, I am 24 and he is 30. My ex and I live together, have a cat, and we're two absolute peas in a pod. We bickered here and there but never fought hard, as we have excellent communication.

We have both been in serious relationships before--he has actually been engaged. Every single one of his relationships (4-5 I believe) have resulted in him getting cheated on/left for another man. Obviously that would take a toll on one's emotions. He knew he was safe in my arms though, and vice versa. I too have been left and cheated on, and I was afraid to start a bond again--but it was natural with him.

He called me his life partner, his best friend. He didn't just tell me he loved me, he showed it in so many ways. He bought my father the most heartfelt gift and card last Christmas, and told him he'd always protect and love his daughter. Flowers when I got home at times. He'd even let me use his hand as a Sephora pallet---I know that sounds silly, but he was an amazing man to me. And I was equally an amazing woman to him! Our love was real. So very real, and to many it seemed like we were headed for the isle. Two months ago we were vacationing in disney--and those around me thought he would propose we were so serious and in love.

Almost a month ago he ended it.

What happened? Well for starters-- I am a full time student and I work two jobs--one is a seasonal job with him. He's been an excellent support for me when I get stressed and it made me feel so loved to fall back on him.

It started at a work after party, where he and a group of friends were very drunk. A girl who knew us as a couple came on to him strong and even lured his drunk self into a bathroom at one point. I was so mad at him for being drunk enough to let that happen, so I turned to leave... and as he chased me out of a moment of pure weakness I spun around and slapped him.

Everything changed that night.

Updates:
It was instant regret for me--and I said that. I ran away from him after I slapped him because I was terrified of what I had done. I texted him from my car and he said that was a shock but he still loved me and that he was staying to drink more. I chose to go home, absolutely sobbing. I figured to give him space after that.

After the slap came a very, very rocky week. The next day I gave my most heartfelt apology and blamed that sporadic moment on me being overly stressed and tired.
(I was completely sober, I don't drink during the semester.) He heard me out as he is an excellent listener, and at the end of my apology he grabbed me, hugged me tight, and kissed me like his life depended on it.

The next four days he was distant, for the first time ever. He barely texted me back--which I knew meant something was wrong. He told me the next night that he was afraid of me now. That something I him changed when I slapped him... and I didn't blame him at all.

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What Guys Said 4

  • I do not know exactly what you should do with regards to the relationship. But I know what you should do with regards to yourself. You should really reflect upon and heal all those past experiences of you being cheated on. Thos things leave emotional scars which are bound to show in future relationships. I know it sounds easy but it actually is pretty hard. You need to learn to forgive the exes you had for all the pain they have caused you and you need to learn to not have any form of anxiety or whatever with regards to the current lover. The moment he went to the bathroom, I believe has awakened in you all those memories of being cheated on. Does what I say make sense? Do you think you can forgive him? Do you want to?

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  • 1. I don't believe that he got cheated on with four different girls. 2. HE is the one who must be blamed for not thinking with his head, for going after that girl, for not scolding her since she knew you were a couple. 3. And now he doesn't want to be with you only because you RIGHTFULLY slapped him? Excuse me Miss, but he's a total weakass. Doesn't matter what he's been through.

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  • sounds like you did the right thing to me. being drunk is no excuse. it just helps bring out what your thinking all along.

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  • You need to move on and let it go

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