Two weeks ago, my boyfriend of 1 year told me that he is not sure of our relationship. He says that he'd like it to be like it was in the beginning, and that he feels like we have lost our connection. Over the summer we travelled a lot and had a really good time, but since we got back early Sept we have hardly seen each other, aside from in the evening, as we were living together. He is struggling with his PhD and I have a startup, so many evenings have been about 'survival'; eating and sleeping. I think we had a proper dinner twice since early Sept.
I told him that I don't think he has given it a fair chance, because we have not actually spoken about the issues he raised. Only the week before, we booked tickets to go away for Christmas. He says he feels 'lost' and is unsure what is the right decision. He has been doing a bit of reading, as have I, and he recognises that probably time is the main cause. However, he is unwilling to make changes. He says that 'we always have a great time together' and that he misses our 'everyday life together'. I know that he struggles a lot with his PhD, and hence he is in the lab until past midnight many evenings to try and get results. I can understand that, and have been trying to support him, by making sure I made dinner that he could have whenever he returned.
One of the things he said was that he thinks it will be easier for him to be alone, because he wants to be a kind of boyfriend who can give me certain things, and I should expect certain things. This is not something I have asked him for, but rather something he places on himself.
I am the first serious girlfriend he has, despite being late 30s. I have had two long term relationships before. I don't believe that happiness just comes without doing anything for each other, but he believes it should do. That seems to me like a fairytale.
I love him, and we had plans for the future. What can I do apart from give him time, and focus on myself in the meantime?
Boyfriend says he needs time and is not sure about what he wants. How do I respond?
What Guys Said 6
He’s full of shit. He knows what he wants and it isn’t you and never will be. Your future is over. This is over permanently and completely and you will not reconcile and ride off into the sunset together and live happily ever after nor will you remain friends even if he suggests or agrees to it. He’s too much of a pussy to just say so. It makes you think he’ll want you in the future which never happens. It also leaves the door open so he can drift in and out of your life using you to fuck when he can’t find someone else. Your response is “Well when you do know let me know IF I’m still single” and get on with your life1
Let him take his time sometimes its the only thing to do n its best and you on the other side focus on ur self.. do things which u always wanted to do but u couldnt somehow so during all this time u can try doing all that.0
Move on without him. He doesn't know what he wants fine but if he wanted you now or in the future he wouldn't fuck you about.0
Everyone needs their space in a relationship. I learned this the hard way and this caused me and my girlfriend to break up after 2 years. I felt like i was smothered and couldnt be who I wanted to be. Try giving him the space he wants and he might come bak to you with that strong connection that you guys had at the start0
There is nothing you can do but give him time and focus on yourself. That is it. If you are unwilling to do that, end the relationship0
Ok get back to me when you are ready0
What Girls Said 2
Just exactly what you are doing "give him time, and focus on yourself"... I would not brace for a happy movie ending, it usually doesn't end well for one reason: both are focused on different things. On question remains important: What brought you together is still there? In other words, the beginning of the relationship had very specific needs and situations, are those elements still there?
Love comes in two forms, one that lasts and another that doesn't. The one that lasts is built from a conscious (mind+heart) commitment to do whatever is necessary to make it work, the one that doesn't is made from an emotional (heart+mind-sometimes) that places the relationship on a "potential" that never seems to materialize.
Usually the second type is the one that tries to "change a little bit" the other to make him/her to "fit" the description. And change is not a problem as long as it doesn't ask the other person to be someone that he/she is not.
It is easy to be with another person when all is going nice and well, when things go tough, "love" is put to the test.0
Just feel like you barely see each other and he still wants space? I don't know what to really say but if you keep waiting for him, it will be painful. It look like he indecisive. There this quote I remember, one man’s “im not ready” is another man’s “i knew the second I saw her”0
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