am 28, been dating my boyfriend (27) for the last three years. i recently asked him about plans to settle and he said he wasn't ready but will be ready in 2 years time. my worry is that he is still communicating with his ex updating her on his life. they broke up 3 and half years ago due to distance as she moved to a different city, much as he says he closed the chapter with her, he keeps flirting with her and recently even got her a gift from his trip.
Most Helpful Guy
This is a tough one. I don't like what happened with the ex because it wasn't a bad breakup and he still maintains contact. In principle, last night bad, but the sole reason for the breakup was distance and that's not really a good reason for a breakup. so I do not see him as fully committed to you nor do I see that as changing unless his ex-girlfriend gets married or something like that in which case your boyfriend will have the door shut on him by her. Since that may not happen for years for this reason I would advocate going to another guy. However you have three years invested in this relationship so he must be a decent guy. Furthermore once you break up then you need to take another year off just to get your shit together and then if you find a decent guy that's another 2 years before you can get married. I don't like that either of all that is not necessarily bad these days.
Believe it or not, I might try something unorthodox if I was you. Consider reaching out to his ex-girlfriend and get her perspective. You really need to understand how tight the bond is between his ex-girlfriend and him. Again breaking up over distance is rather immature and so if both of them have gotten older and matured a bit they might actually be considering getting back together.
So I don't have a definitive answer as to what you should do but by contacting the ex-girlfriend you may actually make some progress in the situation that you are in and provide some assistance. If they really aren't going to get back together you should know that and furthermore she might actually empathize with your situation. Consider showing this question to both her and your boyfriend.2
Most Helpful Girl
Personally, I don't have any issues with people remaining friends with their exes. If anything, at least it shows they can cherish people who were once more than a friend are able to keep things civil (as opposed to cutting them out of their life as if they suddenly hate each other aka your possible future).
Anyway, I would be more concerned with the fact that you spent three YEARS together and he's not ready. Not to commit or start a family nor anything else.
The reason he said two years is maybe the fact you will be turning 30 by then... and chances are he still won't be ready.
Actually the fact he and his ex broke up because of distance may mean he (or them?) were also not ready to take a relationship seriously.
I'm sorry, but I think it might take him more like 8, 10 years before he decides it may be time to settle down.
It doesn't have anything to do with you and that's exactly the point - he still doesn't know if he really wants to be with you.0