am 28, been dating my boyfriend (27) for the last three years. i recently asked him about plans to settle and he said he wasn't ready but will be ready in 2 years time. my worry is that he is still communicating with his ex updating her on his life. they broke up 3 and half years ago due to distance as she moved to a different city, much as he says he closed the chapter with her, he keeps flirting with her and recently even got her a gift from his trip.
Most Helpful Guy
This is a tough one. I don't like what happened with the ex because it wasn't a bad breakup and he still maintains contact. In principle, last night bad, but the sole reason for the breakup was distance and that's not really a good reason for a breakup. so I do not see him as fully committed to you nor do I see that as changing unless his ex-girlfriend gets married or something like that in which case your boyfriend will have the door shut on him by her. Since that may not happen for years for this reason I would advocate going to another guy. However you have three years invested in this relationship so he must be a decent guy. Furthermore once you break up then you need to take another year off just to get your shit together and then if you find a decent guy that's another 2 years before you can get married. I don't like that either of all that is not necessarily bad these days.
Believe it or not, I might try something unorthodox if I was you. Consider reaching out to his ex-girlfriend and get her perspective. You really need to understand how tight the bond is between his ex-girlfriend and him. Again breaking up over distance is rather immature and so if both of them have gotten older and matured a bit they might actually be considering getting back together.
So I don't have a definitive answer as to what you should do but by contacting the ex-girlfriend you may actually make some progress in the situation that you are in and provide some assistance. If they really aren't going to get back together you should know that and furthermore she might actually empathize with your situation. Consider showing this question to both her and your boyfriend.2THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
Most Helpful Girl
Ask yourself if you would get mad that he hugged his ex last week.
If you get mad just thinking that, then you do not trust him and it’s best to not stay.
Love has no bounds, Love doesn’t pass judgement, Love is patience and kind.
His issues are not yours, however, because he has personal issues he does need a strong woman to help him as he deals with his issues. (Could be why me needs two years)
In my opinion he feels that in two years he will no longer have issues that will burden the relationship or haunt it as it starts blooming into a new stable relationship.
Men are the builders of the relationship, trust what he is doing.
1THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE