When should I finally give up on my marriage?

My husband and i have been together a total of 4 years, and i have been in love with him since we first met almost 7 years ago. We have a daughter together and he is gone 3 weeks a month for work. I have struggled with fidelity for about a year or so, and though i haven't slept with anyone else yet i think about it on a daily basis. You see, my husband still deals with insecurities from past relationships but he takes them all out on me, spying on me, checking up on me and calling and texting me sometimes 30 times a day. It gets exhausting and im wondering if its even worth trying to be sympathetic and patient anymore when im not even sure if i really love who he has become.


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What Guys Said 3

  • I think you should go see a counselor... y'all are hurting each other... I know that neither of you mean to and I know both of you care about the other so I would suggest counseling. some good friends of mine have an elderly couple that they hang out with on occasion to get encouragement from the elderly couple has been together for 60 years and they impart wise advice to my friends... A lot of your struggles will seem like minor things to people who have gone through them but they will know how to talk you through it better than a paid professional.

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    • My parents give us a lot of good advice but everything they say my husband completely ignores. And after 4 years of them saying the same things and my husband paying no attention they think we might be ready to split up as well

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    • I bet not going to lie I'm glad I'm not in your shoes... Because I'm sure I would be a terrible woman LOL... but it's just a situation I haven't had to deal with and it is one that I hope I never fall into again. I wish I could give you a magical words that would make the situation better but I know you have work ahead of you... I also know that you want to continue this marriage even if it is hard even though he's a loser he is your loser... And at the end of the day that is extremely valuable.

    • Very true. Its been hard not to act single when he's gone

  • Have you tried relationship counselling?

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    • Briefly in the past but with him being gone so much for work its really hard to work out a good time to go

    • Both of you must decide whether your marriage will be your highest priority. If you are unwilling to do that, it will be impossible to save it.

    • And with the ptsd my husband has from his past, nothing that anyone says constructively to him helps because he just flips out

  • Any time u want to call it quits is a good time.

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    • A good time for what

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    • We already live with my parents lol

    • It looks like there is no peaceful solution.

What Girls Said 2

  • When it doesn't work ot doesn't matter what you do

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    • Doesn't work

    • So you dont think there is any way to fix it

  • That does not sound like a healthy relationship at all, on either of your parts. If you both want to make it work i’d see a counsellor but if either of you are looking for the door you might be better off to...

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    • I have felt a bit trapped for the better part of our marriage, with him changing into someone i dont really like anymore. Plus we want totally different things in life

    • And that’s perfectly normal for people to change as they get older, and if you are no longer happy with the person he has become, there is no reason you should continue to make yourself unhappy since you’ve been together so long. You deserve happiness and he sounds mighty controlling and that is NOT good. I understand you two have a daughter together also but honestly she might be better off if you separate also. If you don’t feel comfortable with couple’s counselling don’t be shy to seek out a counsellor in your own also to get more professional advice!

    • I agree with that. We both struggle with depression and he always finds a reason to put all of his emotions on me

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