Im in a great relationship but I have reminiscent feelings from my first and I dont want them to become a problem. Its just how do I let go of someone I was engaged to? I knew everything about him and now I know nothing. Its so painful. But I dont want him, I just want to let go. How do I do that?
Most Helpful Guy
If it goes away then you never really loved, thats how it is for me anyway best way to discribe it is dont deny the feelings let them be felt for the picture will always be there you just have to let it turn from color to black and white and allowing yourself to feel that love and miss what has been lost giving yourself permission to feel that pain and loss will make the feeling better. By allowing yourself to feel those emotion one undergoes a process called systematic desentization which slowly makes you used to it creating a numbing effect to the pain. This method is used for people who have phobias and ptsd, the first step is to say out loud "i have a right to these emotions and i give permission to myself to feel these because i need it"1
Most Helpful Girl
Yeah breakups and ex's suck. I was in a serious long term relationship that ended too and I was devestated that he left. I have accepted a part of me will always love him and when I find myself thinking of him and shared memories, I allow myself to have them. I feel like recognizing and allowing yourself to feel emotions is good as opposed to bottling them in and avoiding them. Confronting your demons is the only way of moving on. With time I do believe the pain will lessen espcially if you find yourself in a loving relationship again x1