Where's the logic when your ex apologizes?

Brief outline: My ex does & says all the right things but after 4 months he starts to not make time for us so I end up asking him if this is what he wants and relationship should not be difficult it should be easy to be drawn to your partner states that he will make more effort but he is torn with friends and work etc. 3 weeks later I find myself having this conversation again, he does not want to split so we go again. Sept this year he tells me he is in financial difficulty and he has to work some nights including his day job so there was no time for us and its not what he wants but how can he see an independent woman when he cannot support himself. I decide I have to let him do what he needs to do and in some ways admired his actions in sorting his mess out. But deep inside was so hurt that he would not me help but we kept in contact and it was never discussed that we had finished. November he was chatting to my daughter and things got a bit out of control he announced that things were over between us and none of us knew so I called him he was drunk and he said that he loved us and how could I have not known we were finished. I drove over to him in the early hours and confronted him, he told me that he missed me and that he still cared so we jumped back into things. It was weird he wanted to move and have a baby , Xmas I did not see him he had to work then the weather prevented him coming for 2 weeks, new years eve his birthday but he had to work and was not very well. He did manage to go out and get in a punch up so he claims and had a black eye another excuse went out middle of Jan knocked the door he would not answer, rang the phone no reply felt so mortified drove home in tears , he deleted me the next day no reason as to why. June he texts to say how sorry he was for doing a runner and not considering me, keeps contact up for 6 weeks, I must admit that I could not help by letting him know how he made me feel briefly which I know made him feel bad but the not knowing of what wrong has made me so confused and stunted that I can't seem to move on. Middle of July I email him as a text not long enough to ask why he did what he did he replies I needed to step up for the way he ended things and that he was so sorry and thought that it was the right thing to do, he assumed that I had moved on fully and that he was now in a relationship and did not think it was right to text or email each other. Naturally I did not respond to this but it certainly is not clear what was he doing contacting me after 4 months that he cut me off and if he was so into his new relationship why does he feel the need to apologize to his ex?. I know I never ran after him in January but how could I when your man ignores you and deletes you?. I feel so messed up and to think this was my 1st relationship in 7 years so how could he assume I moved on. Cannot understand why your man tells you he wants a future when really he does not , Is this a player or what


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  • I understand your dilemma. He has left you confused and hurt.

    First of all, the relationship was never officially ended, so you got no closure. He just assumed that you knew it was over, but leaving someone assuming, is a bad thing and not thinking of the other persons feelings. To my mind, it would seem the toing and froing by him in and out of your life, sounds as if he may have been seeing someone on the side, but then again I could be wrong. He seems like he is full of excuses and not telling you the truth. I would not say he is a player but someone who either doesn't know what he wants or his life is messed up.

    I would not contact him anymore. He is not worth your time, love or care. If he contacts you, don't answer him. You don't need confusion in your life, or someone just sailing in and out but never staying. Its not good for you. What you need to do is, take time for yourself. Be patient with yourself too. Go out with friends, and have fun. Take up a new hobby or interest. This website is good, I am sure there are groups where you live or nearby. Joining is free and so are most of the activities, you can meet new people and have fun in your new hobby/interest

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    • Thankyiou and I do hear what you are saying. I have got myself on sites and keeping myself busy but struggle to trust again at the minute. I think I was out of the relationship game for too long and was not quite up to date with how things go, and my only mistake was to have faith in what I was being told (silly me) thanks again for your time

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