I KNOW, but I don't? That's where you come in?

Time is important here. I need honest, useful, "what would I PERSONALLY do in this situation." Because I'll be thankful to everyone who will be reading this but, I really need advice that will make something happen. Advice like, "hmmm, this would work for me" or "this would not work. Do THIS..." will be the best advice, especially from all the women here. Anything that doesn't sound like this won't be helpful. "All girls are different..." or "move on" are gonna be the worst answers! Lol.

I've been broken up with my ex for about a year and half. Got a boyfriend almost immediately.

(sucks, I know.) Probably because there was a lack of communication in the "where we stand" in the relationship. Both wanting commitment, only one (yes me) to scared to tell her I felt the same way about her. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't unfaithful or a player or anything, just didn't let her know where the relationship was going. I think she got scared and broke up with me before she herself got hurt, as a defense mechanism. For the better part of that year that we were apart, I told her how I felt and almost seemed to get through, but she wouldn't leave him. "It's not that easy" she'd say. And it isn't I'm sure. I wouldn't be able to just break up with a girl because an ex came around. I understand her dilemma. But sadly, I began losing hope. I know she knew how I felt by now, and if she was acting on it, than surely she doesn't want to be with me. I mean, can you still sleep with another guy everyday and spend time with them but still miss your ex, when the ball is in your court anyway?

So for the remaining half of the "year and half" part, the conversation dwindled. I stopped initiating them, and her "drunk calls" confessing her love me also died down. I stopped due to the advice that I would only be boosting her ego and that "if she wanted to be with you, she would, " saying I got from my friends all the time, and I kinda believe that to be true to an extent. But circumstances and situations are different and unique. So here's where I need advice:

I'm almost pretty sure she called ms about 2 weeks ago private, and left kind of a 3 worded voice mail saying "hey there." that was it. After about 6 months of no contact except for me wishing her a happy b day about a month ago over text. So I wonder, maybe, just maybe there's still an open window. What I want to do is text her that on my b day, I said an extra wish for her. That I miss her and hope she is getting everything she wants out of life, because she deserves it. That's it. More or less. Short and sweet. So, should I? I want to reach her core, without wanting to come across as needy or desperate. Because I'm not. I just miss her is all. And love her, unconditionally apparently lol. So, would hearing that make a difference to you? Would that make you upset that I still have feelings for you or would not hearing from me really make the heart grow fonder? I don't want to regret not saying anything.


Most Helpful Girl

  • There's absolutely no harm in sending that text. It's giving her one last chance. If she does want to take action, you have made it perfectly clear that she can. And if you send exactly that text messege, I don't see how that could upset her, unless she's already beating herself up about it.

    Since I believe you should live life with no regrets, I would send that text that you proposed, exactly as it is. word for word. I said an extra wish for you. I miss you and hope you're getting everyting you want out of life because you deserve it.

    no more than that.

    After that, you can continue to love her unconditionally, but look for someone else to start to love that way too.

    • I just don't want her to feel like I'm pressuring her to do or say something. Because it necessarily about wanting her to do or say something, because I know nothing is going to happen instantaneous. I just want her to think about when she realizes that she deserves more than what she has. What if I tell her, "you are worth so much than you know, and deserve so much more than you think. I miss you and I hope you are doing well." is that "non-threatening"? Lol. Oh and thanks for helping me out.

    • Show All
    • You don't think that it'll HELP her realize or let her start realizing? The thing is, she might be happy. Or at least content. But she won't be always. I'm certain. And the thing is, I am almost positive that I won't be there when she completely realizes it. So it's about her taking a chance soon. Maybe it won't be easy, but I can guarantee it'll be worth it. You would want me to send you those texts if YOU still had some ember of feeling left for me?

    • I understand you want that chance with her. You want to push her to see her worth. But I'm telling you from experience, you telling her she's worth more than she thinks, will make her think that you are lying. In her head, she's giong to be thinking, who knows my worth more, my ex or me? It will not help her start to realize it at all ffrom what I understand of this situation.

      It may even make her resent you for implying she's leading a poor life by her decision.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • If I were you, I would. You don't have a lot to lose here, except for some pride. Go into it with the mindset that its a final attempt and if she doesn't reciprocate you'll move on. Frankly, she's already rejected you daily over the last year and a half, so a rejection here wouldn't be much of a change, but this way you won't regret anything if it doesn't work.

    Best of luck.


What Guys Said 1

  • let it go buddy move on

    • *sigh* I'm almost positive man, I said these kind of responses won't be effective or useful. I mean, I appreciate that you read it, but I was looking for advice more from women, seeing as it's how more towards the psychology of women. "move on", "screw her", "you deserve better" are just stock answers man. Kinda like fortune cookies. They don't really have to know your situation or circumstances, to just give these generalized answers. You know. I'm not commenting back. But thanks.

    • Thats fine man but your being a bitch

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