He has anger issues, and alcohol issues... and when he’s both of those (drunk and angry), he likes to get abusive- emotionally and physically. After about a year of chance after chance and believing he would change, I finally left. That was about three weeks ago.
Now he’s begging for another chance and I keep telling him no and that I’m done and not going to put myself back into that situation. But he keeps saying that if I don’t give him another chance, I don’t and never did love him. And that I’m not as grown and not strong like he thought I was. And that it’s my fault we’re in this spot right now - I left because he got drunk and told me he didn’t love me and that he wanted my shit out by the next day (this small statement among a mass of other more hurtful things.) I know I shouldn’t let his words get under my skin anymore, but it does.
I mean, am I in the wrong for standing up for myself and walking away? Is he right? Should I give him another chance? And if I don’t, does that mean I never loved him?
Most Helpful Guy
His begging for another chance is another last ditch effort to continue to control you.
My mother was in a relationship and she gave my dad 20 years worth of chances and the physical and mental abuse and control only got worse and so did his alcohol addiction.
Speaking as a child who grew up watching it all... Run3
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Most Helpful Girl
He sounds extremely manipulative.
If he's still got anger and alcohol issues then nothing has probably changed with him. Who's to say this time is actually different than all the other times? It's probably not, especially after all the times you DID give him to get his crap together.
If he is trying to put the blame all on you then he hasn't gotten better and will continue to manipulate you.
You seem to know that he is in the wrong, don't let him convince otherwise. Don't let him guilt you when he's the guilty party here
Please stay out of that toxic relationship, he needs help. And if you give in again, he'll have no reason to seek it. Hopefully you standing up for yourself will help him realize it.
If you've given him chance after chance and he still couldn't treat you right, then why should this time be different? Not giving him another chance after so many failed attempts on his part isn't a sign of you not loving him. It's a sign of you realizing that the relationship wasn't good for either of you.
For you because he was being abusive and manipulative; no healthy relationship is like that.
And for him because you staying allowed him to continue treating another human that way. If he's on his own he can't. Maybe he'll realize his need to get better once he's alone. He needs to know it's not acceptable to treat people like that, and he can't get off scott free; there are consequences to his behaviour.
I wish you all the best and hope you do not go back to him. He's still in the same place as when you left. Don't get sucked back into the toxic cycle of living with an abusive manipulator.
You deserve better than that, and deserve to be in a healthy relationship.1