How do I regain my self confidence as a man after being cheated on?

I was in a relationship with a girl for three years while I was 21-23 age wise. I was very close to her and trusted her completely. Near the end of our relationship I noticed that she would flirt with an acquaintance of one of my friends. It use to bother me and at first I just put my trust in my girlfriend at the time. It kept going on though every time my girlfriend would be around this guy. Literally my girlfriend would be talking to this guy the whole night and they would be touchy with one an other. He even kissed her on the hands and cheek and she loved it.

I eventually was honest with her and told her how much it bothered me. She assured me nothing was going on. I told her that this behavior was unacceptable and was pretty close to confronting the guy until she stopped me. We even got into an argument later in which she compared me to this guy and told me he was better than me. I eventually lost trust in her and our relationship ended 2 months later. I then find out a few months later from my ex's friend that she ended up hooking up with the guy after we broke up. Possibly even while I was with her.

I was so heartbroken. I just couldn't believe this was happening to me. I cut all ties with this woman on my phone and chat after finding that out. She still doesn't know that I found this out. I also felt like there was no point since the relationship was over with. I ended up becoming extremely depressed and saw a therapist. I have talked about what I have gone through. It was a very dark time in my life since I also transferred to a new college and had some deaths in my family as well. I have now worked on myself for the past 2 years joining clubs, making new friends, and have even got into weight lifting. I am in the best shape in my life and yet I haven't met anyone else. To be honest I am now afraid of putting myself out there with women and feel like I will never meet anyone. I have tried but have had this paralyzing fear and anxiety. What should I do?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Poor guy, she sounds awful. I mean you are getting therapy to work through your problems so good for you. I think you need to take some more time I think.
    It always helps to change yourself and become a new person. So if you have short hair, grow your hair out and get a new look? Try for some new clothes? Go for a new hobby? See new places? It helps because it feels like the disaster happened to the “old” you. The “new” You is cool and collected. You bounced back from the evil ex and you want to look GOOD doing it.
    Some people find getting casual sex from women increased their confidence. It can help but don’t rely on the company of women to make you whole. Realize they’re just cheap sex and work on yourself first. Hit on women, get confident and use this to push you to someone way better. Better is out there trust me

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • Thank you for your thoughtful comment. You are awesome. It really means a lot. Thankfully I have been creating a new me. I have been working on myself which I will keep doing. I have graduated college, made new friends, got a new hair cut, and went from being a very skinny physique to a more muscular one. I think you are right that no person can make your life whole. I feel like I am still learning that and have really put in effort in my own life. I will work on approaching women more. I have gone on a few dates which is nice mostly by women that have given me strong signals. I just feel like I haven"t met someone that I have really clicked with. I will take your advice and keep believing in myself.

    • It takes a while man. I’m 21 and still haven’t found anyone I really *click* with. But hey, good to know you’re doing just fine!

Most Helpful Guy

  • I think it was bound to happen. A person who derives their worth and the worth of others on superficial things will go through ups and downs and will never be content. They will always be thinking about what others do for them. You dodged a bullet. You don't need this sort of drama in your life. A good woman will have honor and tend her own lawn rather than going to where the grass is greener. A good woman will communicate to you when something is bothering her or she doesn't feel loved because she takes responsibility for her own happiness and has the decency enough to consider your feelings.

    Some people around here are saying you should have been more protective. However, once a woman already is looking elsewhere, you being protective is just going to cause her to resent and rebel against you faster. If she has already shown she is willing to stray, then the drama will only get worse and the power dynamic has shifted. She is no longer invested. You going out of your way to prove your worth is not going to make her see you any different or act in a mature manner that you should expect out of a partner.

    You are young. Find a down-to-earth woman who respects her man and doesn't just look for what you can do for her.

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    • If you cheat on someone, you simply don’t love or respect that person fiercely enough. You don’t build love in a day and you don’t lose love in a day. However, if a person isn't tending to the relationship and it drives you to want to cheat, then that means you also didn't speak up, you didn't take the effort to hold on and do the proper work to make things work.

      If all we care about is what others can do for us, then we will always base our "love" on that rather than on the love we give.

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    • Exactly. Find that woman who simply adores you. She should be putting in just as much effort if not more than you. She should be excited to be with you. She should motivate you to be the best you can be. A good woman will want you to be direct, but she will foster the right type of dialog for that to happen. You will know that she is consenting to your dominance when and if she wants it. Over time, that rapport will come naturally.

      What you don't want is an apathetic woman who only cares about her needs. A woman who has expectations, viewing the relationship from the outside in like an integrator looking through a one-way mirror testing you and holding every little misstep and "mistake" against you. Who needs that stress? Who needs the drama of a woman who is going to hold a tally and never express her desires, dreams, and her love for you?

    • I have always said, a good woman has the power to raise a man up to the highest heights, make him feel invincible with her by his side, motivate him to go beyond even his own passions and ambitions. A bad woman will judge you, attempt to tear you down, play games, and only passes blame on you, never looking at her own role in the relationship.

      Granted, you may get shit tested, even the best of them do it. The key to handling it is just to ignore it like water off a duck's back, or joke about it and make light of the situation. She says "Oh, you are a terrible driver", then you just say "Yeah, I got an F grade in driving school" and laugh it off. Just an example.

      Also yeah, if you don't stand up to a woman doing inappropriate things, like kissing on another guy, she is going to think you don't care about her as much as you say you do. I still firmly believe she wouldn't have done that if she didn't already lose attraction though.

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What Girls Said 51

  • I think this is a lesson for you in recognizing red flags. Your girlfriend shouldn't have let another guy kiss her like that while she was with you. That's a sign of disrespect towards you. You were right to break up with her and probably should have confronted her sooner than you did.
    What happened has more to do with her than it has with you. Don't beat yourself up over it. You have to learn from your past and find people who are better than your ex.

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    • Thank you for the thoughtful comment. I have had time to reflect and have analyzed a lot from this relationship. I agree that there were some red flags before and I will learn to act quicker. I will try to not beat myself up about it.

  • Her actions actually had nothing to do with you & you should try not to take them personally. Her actions were a reflection of who she is, a cheater. She's also really disrespectful to be flirting with a guy like that in front of you as well. It wasn't your fault & you couldn't control her actions, or prevent her from being a shitbag. That's just who she is.. And that has nothing at all to do with you. At least you turned this around, cut ties with her & you're doing a lot of positive things now because of it! When you do meet a chick that you're interested in dating, you need to remember that your ex's actions are not the actions that represent the mindset of every single female on Earth. To go into a relationship, expecting to be cheated on.. Is like your ex is still winning because her actions are still affecting you & every relationship after her, until you learn to treat every relationship as a fresh slate, and hold no grudges from the past.

    Imagine how you'd feel if your new girlfriend always accused you of cheating, just because her ex cheated on her. It just isn't fair to treat anyone that way for something they didn't even do.

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    • Exactly! That's a sure fireway to self destruct. I wish men would get that we're not all cheating slutbags.

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    • Yes but that chick has to go through a lot to *save* that guy. It's exhausting sometimes

    • Not really.. Just be you & they'll see that you're a good chick on their own!

  • Im going to tell you my and my now bfs experience.
    I was with my ex for about a yr, he was my first everything. First kiss, first hug, first time I held hands with a guy, etc. But he was a cheater. I don't know, I was so heartbroken. I couldnt date for like a 2yrs almost. I didn't touch, kiss nothing with no one for over a year. I did experiment with casual sex, friends with benefits, because I felt I don't know. Like I had mostly to see if I could become as cold as he was and detach meaning from sex. I can't. It didn't work out. It lasted very short and I've never done it since.

    So with my current boyfriend. He was w/ his ex for a while. And similar thing. Flirty ex, would kiss other girls, flirt with other guys. Apparently she had big boobs and loved to show cleavage. Anyhow, it left my boyfriend torn. I feel like he's still recovering from the damage she did, and theyve been broken up for a year. I love this man with all my heart, I asked him out. He said he felt like he had given up on love. He's so young, only 22. I give him the support, love, trust he's always wanted. He's such a sweetheart, the thought that some evil witch broke his heart makes me wanna go kick her ass or something lol But her loss was my gain.
    Don't lose hope. you're gonna wanna swear off relationships, but I dont think you should. Obviously. be cautious, but focus on yourself. My boyfriend wasn't looking for love anymore. He felt hopeless with women. Then I came along and asked him out. He was surprised, apparently, that I was interested in him. He didn't notice how much I kept trying to talk to him in class where we met.

    You'll find her. Just remember the same way you can be hurt, is the same way you can be loved.
    memegenerator.net/.../...lls-all-women-bitches.jpg

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  • Okay. So... I say for real emotional healing to occur, there are a few things that need to happen. Firstly, you need to understand and accept that nothing there was your fault. This is important. There was nothing you could have changed, it's not that you didn't measure up, it's not that you weren't a good partner. It just wasn't your fault. From my experience with my ex, helping friends who were cheated on and from being on gag for years, I know that cheaters have a nasty way of trying to implicate their good, faithful partner, by casting blame and claiming they 'caused' the unfaithfulness to occur. She just realized you were on to her actions/unfaithful thoughts so she tried saying you weren't good enough to pull you down with her sinking ship.

    Secondly, when you accept that it wasn't your fault you need to get back to the place where you were happy with yourself; confident with what you have to offer in a relationship. I have found that when you are happy with yourself, nothing anyone can say or do... Even your ex... Will be able to burst your bubble. Too many people see being single as a problem when in reality... If you can't love yourself enough to be content alone then you can't truly offer all of yourself to someone else.

    Loving, accepting and being happy with yourself together with knowing her actions were not your fault (just her own selfish, unkindness) should in itself be a confidence booster. But more than those two, celebrate the fact that she is no longer your problem, no longer your heartache to deal with, be happy you saw her for who she really was before things got serious enough that you would marry or have children. Yes, it could have been way worse my friend. Rejoice because you are free from someone who was such a good manipulator. Remind yourself when she comes to mind that she is the one who lost out on having you, a man who truly lived her, who really cared.

    I know it hurts like hell now because that's what happens when someone you love shoves a knife in your back, but try these things I said, allow yourself time to heal and get back to happy you, then think about pursuing another relationship. It will be tricky trying to trust people after what you went through but remember that each person is different and deserves a fair, unbiased shot at winning your heart.

    I hope this helps, message me any questions OK :) I know this was pretty long, I couldn't help it

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  • Everyone gave really good suggestions and advice. Maybe you should think about traveling, make a travel blog about finding that self confidence again after getting cheated on. I'm sure you will learn and grow from it.

    Volunteer. I find that when I volunteer, I forget about the bad things in my life. Even if it only lasted a few days or so, nothing beats the joy of seeing other people's happiness when you help them through volunteering.

    Try to sign up for Peace Corps or Americorps to keep yourself busy. Perhaps volunteering overseas will help you forget about the bad memories of your ex. You'll be able to meet new people and touch others lives :)

    But of course you should do it also because you want to help others lol.

    I hate people who cheat. You sound like a really great guy and you look very handsome :( I wish I had someone like you. It's so hard to find good and faithful men/women these days.

    Sometimes the only way to get rid of anxiety is to face it but this might not be the case for you because I don't know how severe your anxiety is. I do have it too though and only for social situations.

    Take your time and don't rush anything. Try to volunteer or try new hobbies. Maybe you can try playing games to see if you meet any girls and if they do talk to you, you can use this as practice to talk to them to help with your anxiety.

    I used to have a guy friend online who I met while gaming. I have social anxiety and I would avoid talking to any guys in real life at all costs. He wanted to talk to me everyday to help me converse like an adult and to develop my social skills.

    I have friends online who helped me get rid of fear talking to people in real life... I think it would be awesome if you have this support.

    Good luck. I know how you feel because I used to be in an abusive relationship. My ex would flirt and talk to girls, even told me not to laugh with guys but chose to laugh with girls in front of me. I developed anxiety and depression. I'm still living everyday and battling as well. I know you are trying and you will be able to do it. There are no limits and you are in control. You got this and everything will get better. I'm proud that you have joined clubs and made new friends. That's a very awesome start. I wish I had your courage.

    Keep fighting the anxiety. Like what everyone said, this wasn't your fault. And once you have become confident, maybe you can travel around the world to help those who are facing the same problems.

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    • And also, you don't need a woman to complete you. It's okay not to find someone to be with at the moment. This is a good time to do some soup searching and self reflection. The right one will come along when you are the right one and right now you're working on yourself. Many good and decent men and women out there are working on improving themselves before meeting anyone else.. So please don't feel you will never be with anyone. There is always someone for everyone. It's not a good idea to be with someone anyway when you are broken inside. Because you will end up meeting the wrong people who will hurt you and you'll just end up in a cycle (from experience).

  • Try to find your happiness with yourself first. Try to do the things that you're not doing before.. Keeping in touch with nature can help you relax your mind, body and soul... Try to do hiking, water adventure, etc.. Just enjoy it with yourself first don't do it with anyone else first... That can help... and wait until someone will approach you and show you how much she care for you.. no what if's just look for her good qualities and how much you wanted her in your life.. :)

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  • If you still have anxiety and fear, you really really need to go back to a therapist. If you try and date anyone while you’re like this, you might end up driving a good woman away. You don’t want to be “that guy that is controlling and insecure with what a women does”. <3

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  • This is probably not the healthiest way, but try maybe a few drunken one night stands and just try not giving a crap about finding "the one". Just try to focus on you and things other than romance. Sex is sex. Get what you need and worry about the emotional part when your ready. But really time heals all. Two years isn't that long. Just go have fun for a little while.

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    • Great way to get stuck with an STD, or worse, a love child.

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    • @Philipph studies show that women tend to base their decisions on emotion and feeling.

    • We do. And I know as someone who personally took those things very seriously in my young years I was always very unhappy with the opposite sex to be honest. I'm not saying this is how I did things. But I know friends who were less serious about their sex life and appeared to be happier. To say they are happier now I cannot. But he seems to really be holding a grudge about the past and that will not be beneficial for serious relationships. He is posting here so my guess is he is lonely but not ready to be over the past. So your options are limited. I don't judge anyone.

  • The first step is to believe that your life is important than a worthless person, if she’s worthless, then everything related to her is worthless too. it makes you try to forget all those happenings.
    It’s the first step and the hardest one, if you get successful to that in a good way it would be the only step !

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  • Take a deep breath and let it out and take your time maybe find a new hobby or something. It was a lesson learn and try again. Keep your head up high. Admit your mistakes and keep rocking it day by day... When u find the one all this pain goes away at least it did for me..

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  • Heartbreak always sucks and dealing with it sucks even more. It takes time but it will get better. try to keep yourself busy, do stuff you love and make sure you find yourself and find out who you truly are. and one day when it’s the right time you’ll find that special someone.

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  • Just take your time and trust your gut. Its understandable to, be leery of a new relationship, and risking pain again. But you also have to remember the good. Think about the possibility of finding real love. Sometimes you have to go through some pain to win in the end. Good luck.

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    • See, not getting a love is different and moving on is different. If u have moved on or u r moving pushing urself to forget the girl. Then its totally right. U dont have to waste ur time the girl who dont cares for u. Now , the main thing that u r not getting attached to any other girl its just because u havnt forget her totally and i accept it , it will take time. Dont run for girls just work focus and then u will find the genuine girl better then her. Have some. faith in urself

  • I'm sorry, people are just terrible sometimes. They will jump in a relationship with a person they know they are not serious about and just put that person through all kind of grief. It's really not fair to have your time, energy, and heartbroken by someone you put so much trust in, but these people won't learn until it's finally them who experiences the pain they put others through. It just takes a while, everybody is different when it comes to break ups. You been with her for 3 years, you shared a huge chunk of your life with that person so it's understandable that you're not over the break up yet. Just continue to give yourself time, cry over it, talk about it, pray over it, whatever you have to do that will help release your heartache.

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  • Im so sorry this happened to you. And I can tell just by this post that you’re already making the right steps to getting through it by going to counseling and stuff like that. Just know that at the end of the day it’s not your fault. Its her fault for being a cheater.
    If somebody wants to walk out of your life like that then just let them go because at the end of the day if you know that you did everything that you possibly could to be a good person of them than they don’t deserve you

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  • When you find the right person, you’ll have to start opening up little by little.
    If they’re the right fit, they’ll be understanding of you trust issues.

    It’s hard to believe that it’s all because of her but honestly, that’s what it sounds like. It sounds like she was easily swooped away and that is not a women you wanna be with.
    It’s hard to swallow, but you just picked a bad apple. Keep searching and try to remember that there is NOTHING wrong with you.

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  • My friend also says that he has commitment issues now. I asked him, do you trust yourself? You can't trust the other person if you don't trust yourself. It's not your fault you got cheated on. Well maybe a litte if you didn't put in the effort when you saw he was all touchy and kissy with her!! You should've been more protective of her or maybe showed more love. There was a reason why it happened and you should talk to her about this, so you'll know what was wrong and you'll be more confident later knowing where was the error. I can tell you did something wrong or maybe something you didn't do and you don't even want to know.
    I'm sorry if I sounded mean :/ i do wish you all the best and I think you should talk to her about it. If she'll want to get back together (maybe not idk), you can still say no. Take this as a lessons. Physically you have already improved yourself 😊 + remember that even when you think your giving your girl a time, you'll never put it enough.

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    • This is borderline victim blaming right here. Not that OP should identify with being cheated on, but this has nothing to do with his worth as a man. If his ex actually felt unloved or that he wasn't doing enough, then she should have said something. As we mature, we learn that for long-term relationships to work, there needs to be strong communication from both partners.
      He gave her the benefit of the doubt even though it bothered him, and then when it grew to be too much and he confronted her about it, she disrespected him for it.

      She doesn't deserve him. She doesn't know what she wants and she will always go where the grass is greener. This is why so many guys lose confidence in dating and relationships. These kinds of women have no honor what-so-ever.

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    • Well I guess maybe I was too hard with this statement, but I liked the guy above commenting that maybe she was young and needed excitement and so on... some people need a certain emotional experience and are not even aware of it. Sometimes some things must happen in order to grow up.

    • And I am sorry that you were a part of that.

  • You have been With her 3 years, don't expect to forget her in 3 years but more. You should hang and give opportunities to you and others girls, one that At least make you smile and let things Go by its own rhytim. Time actually helps so do things while time past and Please be aware you will sometimes think about her but that doesn't mean u should get Back is just someone who u were used to be

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  • aw :((( * hug * what a bitch ! Just give it time, if you meet someone, get to know them first, like not just a few months but like a year, and then you'll really know if this person is the one for you , then confess. I've done it once with someone, but he ended blocking me online , I'm still trying to forget but its extremely hard. Love is looking for me when I don't want it too atm. * sighs *

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  • You just have to give it time. Maybe try to date casually for a while and not care so much about finding the one and all that, try not to put pressure on yourself. Feel things out a little to try and get used to dating again

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  • Give yourself time but remember to take care of yourself. Know it wasn't any fault of yours. Plenty of people have strained relationships but they don't cheat. Take a deep breath, realize it was no fault of yours, and give yourself time.

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What Guys Said 106

  • Most everyone has been through this. If you want to compare sht stories I can tell you about worse. But f that, because it is human nature and the primal mating ritual doesn’t care about feelings and the event really has nothing to do with you personally. “paralyzing fear and anxiety” The following might sound like bs but this is the best I can describe it. I discovered that finding your mental center and developing deep focus can almost erase this like putting eye blinders on a horse so he can only look forward. I don’t really know how to describe it better than that but you have to experiment with you own mind. I have reached the point where I can immediately null and void an emotion or feeling if I sense one brewing. It is somewhat of a mind brain separation so that your true self is overriding all the brain negative feedback. I first discovered this on a 20k run and while I was going up a hill euphoria set in (obviously the natural drugs) and I had a slight concern if I was killing myself but I felt no pain. So I had to “check in” with my body and that is when I discovered my true mental center. Once I had that I knew that I could override the negative feedback and also the one that is always associated with anxiety. Also, it lets you take complete control of your brain and all the bad tricks it can play on you. Might be a crock of sht but it works wonders for me.

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  • You were very young then so I´d assume she was young as well. She was most likely having issues with herself and couldn´t really stick with a nice guy like you. People act out when they feel bad. Happy people just won´t cheat, they´d rather break up first and then get on with another guy/girl. The way she told you that you were not as good as the other guy is total BS and only her subconscious trying to make up for excuses to make cheating okay. If she didn´t cheat, then it was just that she couldn´t break up with you from her end and wanted for you to end things. Trust me, karma´s a bitch and she´ll most likely realize this soon. I´m just glad you got out of that relationship.

    There are so many wonderfull women in this world who´d never act like that nor hurt your feelings by saying stupid shit. I think the lesson here is to trust your intuition. You did the right thing dumping her as no guy would ever be okay with that kind of behaviour. Just remember, it wasn´t about you. There´s nothing you could´ve done. It was her mistake and she needs to own it. We are all just humans. We make mistakes, say stupid things, hurt each other etc. but at the end of a day, there´s always that one special person that´ll allow us to forget about the past. Keep your eyes open and just give a chance to someone new. They haven´t hurt you, your ex has. Don´t let your ex and your past dictate your future!

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  • I think the biggest hit to my ego was the social betrayal, meaning not only did she allow another man to make advances and betray me by herself in order to allow it, but her friends, simple acquaintances, and people that know my face were all privy to what was going on. In short, this women cheated on me with SOMEONE SHE'S INTRODUCED ME TO and amongst many that know my face and who I am... and something really burns inside about that to this day (I'll get to that). In this sense I relate to your story... for me she represented much of my worth to the outside world because I choose to be faithful to her, loyal to her, the one I've sworn to back up in a fight, and to protect from danger. Then I have to deal with knowing either she set this betrayal up, or allowed it to happen despite being 100% to her.

    Personally the way I dealt is by revenge cheating. Lots of revenge cheating. I was already lifting before it happened and that helped in my efforts.
    There was a huge difference in my cheating and hers... I never cheated with anyone that even knew her or any of her friends. My reasons for sexing those partners had nothing to do with thinking they have feelings for me or that I must be special to them... they were just hot'n'tasty looking and in need of some heavy D attached to a man that won't catch feelings.

    I dealt for years... but I didn't heal until I forgave her. Forgiveness was the only way to let go of all that 'frustration.'

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  • When you pursue a relationship, you risk the possibilities of rejection, abuse of trust, and simply getting your heart wounded yet again. Those risks are unavoidable and love is never the safe option. You must simply embrace the idea that the ultimate goal justifies taking that risk. "You must take a chance to find romance!"

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  • Mate, first of all sorry to hear about this. I have gone through something like this and its tough to forget someone like her who has spent 3 years for you, an absolute waste of time!. Ik and the only solution of this to focus on what u like to do. Hang out with ur buddies, go to the gym, concentration in the future etc r the ways to overcome this kind of situations. Tbh i am recovered yet from the shock that she has given me but still i can say this that as the time goes on, u will be fine. Cheaters r like incorrigible!. Even thinking about her is a waste of time.
    All things will happen in life at a right time. Just wait for that time. There will be someone who is meant for u and just u. Tyt and just let it flow with the wind.
    My ex dumped me and she taught me new things in life. There pros and cons in that relationship and i am thankful to her for what she have done in my life and she is my first love!. I trusted her blindly and i was living in a whole new world when i actually fell in love with her. After breakup i understood that she doesn't a person like me. She asked me for a chance and I declined because it's not going to workout if u lose the trust upon ur love.
    So, let it go on and as the time goes on, u will find out a better one who loves u, tc the most of u, be with on any kind of situations and so on. Just wait for it and don't mess up with ur mind by dragging her into ur head. It tough to forget all of that memories but still somewhat yes!. Live ur life rn and rest will come to u.

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  • Congrats on that. You've just learned a valuable lesson. Imagine if you got married... Truth is they will cheat.. Specially the ones who say they never would.. And by knowing this remember is not your girl. Is just your turn. Life becomes a lot easier. Trust.

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  • Its not easy. But you should work on changing the way you think about your self image. You should tell yourself that this experience doesn't and shouldn't affect how manly or masculine you feel. Its just a girl who didn't deserve you. And that real men go through heartbreaking shit and that what makes the man. Keep repeating that to yourself for all the next months until it will get ingrained in your mind. What she did to you is that she broke your self Image and made you feel worthless with her betrayal and you can fix that by making your masculinity tied to your new reality. That real men go through real shit

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    • Thank you Lutherthesaint. That was something I needed to hear. Your right though, to be a man is to go through struggles and to adapt and learn. You are right I shouldn't be defined by someone 's messed up actions.

  • Sorry to hear you had to go through such an experience. I've went through a very similar situation, I don't believe any advice i give to you in the attempt to ease the pain will do any good, but rather share to you my learned experience and blessings from it all. On my part, it has happened what has happened to you on more then 1 occasion. As a giving individual, giving my love to someone comes naturally for me, and it's natural for anyone being hurt to be subjected to fear of experiencing such trauma again. I've learnt that giving the love whole heartedly to someone may be the best of my intentions, but you others it isn't or isn't what they wanted. When we give all with the benefit of the doubt, I've learnt it blinds us to what we only see of others wrong doing rather then reflecting to ourselves that we also had part of the responsibility for what took place. I had to tell myself what's done is done, and no matter how much in love I was with this person it will never be the same, because the trust is gone. I learnt I had to find closer within myself, if ever to move on with the healing process. We were given senses for a reason and of design for a purpose. If my emotions can not give me answers, I assist it with logic. Rather to feel sorry for myself to have the excuse as a victim to blame, would only create more pain to myself. I came to understand things happen for a reason, events cannot occur without action to create a reaction. We have to question if it's actually love we felt for the person who hurt us, or was it the love of our ego and pride that made us feel the way we did. Love takes 2, it hurts to say, but we should love then with l enough to let then go so we can give love to ourselves to heal. I exceptd my part to play, at the end I can move on with a clear conscience, for the person who I've been hurt by, will have to live with that on their conscience for what they have done. I've learnt in life no matter what happens you will always find the good and bad from it all. I see it as a blessing given to me as a lesson to heal and for my growth in strength for a true love , and a pity that the person you once cared for will have to suffer in the cycle of broken trust. Find room to forgive her and yourself, so you can heal. All the best.

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  • Meeting a woman can often be random, and don't think for a moment that you won't ever have a girlfriend again- you will, and you will be so happy with her.

    To me, it's a bit concerning that two years later you are still experiencing anxiety after doing so much to overcome. Have you thought about trying therapy to get over the final hump?

    Whatever you do, keep your head up.

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  • Remember this for now and for future as well. To balance the relationship there are two important factors your value outside the relationship, it must always be more than inside the relationship meaning your idea of self-worth should be enhanced and defined by your work than your partner and secondly this form of independence creates neediness from your patterns side.

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  • The key is to understand that her cheating... has nothing to do with you "not being man enough".

    She was simply too much of a whore to have one man. SHE wasn't ready for monogamy. SHE is the issue.

    You are not the issue. At least you're not wasting time on a worthless whore anymore.

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  • Best advice you will get, watch this video.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIhsOdD9440

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  • Your lucky she only wasted 2 years on you. A woman is going to do whatever she wants. It's not a reflection on you. Just keep positive and sometimes doing a little extra things make you feel better. Like joining a gym and getting in top form for the next one

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  • Did you tell this girl at the outset that you expected 100% monogamy and you wouldn't ever allow her to have flirtatious relationships with other guys under any circumstances? It seems to me you were demanding an awful lot and then saying you lost trust because they didn't live up to your expectations, but did you make these expectations explicit to begin with or did you just assume?

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  • The only path is self improvement. It's mean: Honor. Discipline. Strength of will. Persistence. Healthy life and hobbies. Long time goals. Being stronger than your self-gratification urges. Not giving up to negative thoughts. No bitterness. Learn to live at your own. Learn to reject hedonistic people. A bit of social skills.

    That mentality and respective actions will push yourself beyond the limits you thought you could never overcome. In fact all of this is essential to everyone.

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  • What are you talking about? Don't you know it's the trend to cheat on people in this sad generation? Side chicks, all that? Why do you think your life is supposed to go as planned and picture perfect. Learn to filter people better and know what their true intentions are.

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  • Listen, girls come and go. The majority of the girls are goldiggers or not so loyal. You have to get passed it and look for a new relationship. Go meet people online, at the bar, or anywhere. Remember, not all girls will be like that. On your feet, soldier.

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  • What has happened has happened so it's pointless to grieve over it but difficult to overcome. My advice would be keep your perspective neither optimistic or pessimistic but skeptic and you would avoid most of your life problems before everything is in shambles.

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  • You'll heal with time. My first girlfriend cheated on me on multiple occasions for two years with the same guy. After that I started having multiple one night stands, until I got another girlfriend, but... she cheated on me too, because she was still in love with her ex. Guess it's just my luck. I think I'll just have to wait for someone who can earn my trust.

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  • You might just need more time to work on yourself. Not physically but mentally. Practice complete independence and learn self worth on your own; don't rely on others. I can't pretend I know anything about being cheated on considering I have never had a girlfriend but knowing who you are internally and being comfortable with being alone for the rest of your life helps with anxiety a lot and could potentially streangthen your next relationship.

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