I was in a relationship with a girl for three years while I was 21-23 age wise. I was very close to her and trusted her completely. Near the end of our relationship I noticed that she would flirt with an acquaintance of one of my friends. It use to bother me and at first I just put my trust in my girlfriend at the time. It kept going on though every time my girlfriend would be around this guy. Literally my girlfriend would be talking to this guy the whole night and they would be touchy with one an other. He even kissed her on the hands and cheek and she loved it.
I eventually was honest with her and told her how much it bothered me. She assured me nothing was going on. I told her that this behavior was unacceptable and was pretty close to confronting the guy until she stopped me. We even got into an argument later in which she compared me to this guy and told me he was better than me. I eventually lost trust in her and our relationship ended 2 months later. I then find out a few months later from my ex's friend that she ended up hooking up with the guy after we broke up. Possibly even while I was with her.
I was so heartbroken. I just couldn't believe this was happening to me. I cut all ties with this woman on my phone and chat after finding that out. She still doesn't know that I found this out. I also felt like there was no point since the relationship was over with. I ended up becoming extremely depressed and saw a therapist. I have talked about what I have gone through. It was a very dark time in my life since I also transferred to a new college and had some deaths in my family as well. I have now worked on myself for the past 2 years joining clubs, making new friends, and have even got into weight lifting. I am in the best shape in my life and yet I haven't met anyone else. To be honest I am now afraid of putting myself out there with women and feel like I will never meet anyone. I have tried but have had this paralyzing fear and anxiety. What should I do?
Most Helpful Girl
Poor guy, she sounds awful. I mean you are getting therapy to work through your problems so good for you. I think you need to take some more time I think.
It always helps to change yourself and become a new person. So if you have short hair, grow your hair out and get a new look? Try for some new clothes? Go for a new hobby? See new places? It helps because it feels like the disaster happened to the “old” you. The “new” You is cool and collected. You bounced back from the evil ex and you want to look GOOD doing it.
Some people find getting casual sex from women increased their confidence. It can help but don’t rely on the company of women to make you whole. Realize they’re just cheap sex and work on yourself first. Hit on women, get confident and use this to push you to someone way better. Better is out there trust me9
Most Helpful Guy
I think it was bound to happen. A person who derives their worth and the worth of others on superficial things will go through ups and downs and will never be content. They will always be thinking about what others do for them. You dodged a bullet. You don't need this sort of drama in your life. A good woman will have honor and tend her own lawn rather than going to where the grass is greener. A good woman will communicate to you when something is bothering her or she doesn't feel loved because she takes responsibility for her own happiness and has the decency enough to consider your feelings.
Some people around here are saying you should have been more protective. However, once a woman already is looking elsewhere, you being protective is just going to cause her to resent and rebel against you faster. If she has already shown she is willing to stray, then the drama will only get worse and the power dynamic has shifted. She is no longer invested. You going out of your way to prove your worth is not going to make her see you any different or act in a mature manner that you should expect out of a partner.
You are young. Find a down-to-earth woman who respects her man and doesn't just look for what you can do for her.
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