Is it easier to leave a serious long term relationship when you have another girl "lined up"?

I'm going to be honest here. I'm not the one in the LTR. I could potentially be the other girl who's being "lined up". He's a friend of mine and our bond has gotten stronger and closer over the last year.

Their LTR has been on the rocks for a while. I REALLY like him... a LOT. I'm pretty sure he's interested in me too. Neither one of us has made a move and I won't as long as he's still in a relationship. Once that's officially over we'll see what happens.

I should also note that I'm not sitting around waiting. I'm still dating other men, but a big part of me wants this man. We just clicked right away and I feel starting as friends is a bonus.

I just wonder if the connection we share might be enough to eventually persuade him to leave his current relationship since it's so rocky.


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 14

  • I think in a way that you should drop hints that there is a better woman out there for him that cares about him and that his current relationship isn't going anywhere, which is rich coming from me because I usually hate 'hints'. He shouldn't be in this relationship anymore, it seems like he knows this but he doesn't know how to get out of it. Don't tell him you like him or anything, just tell him that he seems unhappy and he should fix it and tell him that if he needs someone to be there for him, you'll be there.

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    • I did reach out to him when hugs issues first stayed and told him off always be there for him. I think that was the start of things changing between us. I don't like hints either. I also don't want to interfere in that way although I do feel he deserves much better. I want him happy with or without me.

  • If the relationship is not going well, then he is slowly emotionally distancing himself from his current girlfriend. He is finding everything wrong about her and putting it in his computer in his brain and pressing the restart button everyday to remind of him of whats wrong her. Then he is documenting every fight with her , every disagreement with her, every sarcastic remark she hurdles at him, every condescending remark she swipes at him with, every time she refused to have sex, every time she refused to give him a blow job, every time nagged at him, every time she compared him to another man, and so on... Then the computer bank in his brain one day will get all filled up and then, SNAP!! He will break off the relationship and give you a call to see if you want to go out and get drunk and fuck! GOOD LUCK!

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  • I'm pretty sure it's never easy to leave a long term relationship.
    I think it's a dam breaking issue. If you're in a good log relationship, issues are resolved (so I'm told) you move on and stay happy.
    Bad long relationships shit just piles up. Eventually that dams Gonna break. With or without another person in the picture. But, it could be that the alternative person showed the person in the LTR that there is something better.
    And it's not that they are "lined up" but providing a better example.

    Let's be honest, we've all been in a bad relationship and had that thought to just keep quiet and accept it because "this may be as good as it gets"

    Or who knows, some people can't be alone. And if that's the case having someone lined up would be a requirement to leave

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    • Thanks for your insight. Hugs behavior towards me had been weird lately which is why I've been wondering about this. He has NOT crossed any boundaries or outwardly said anything to suggest he feels that I'm "someone better", but he's been more sensitive around me and just seems to be showing me more of that side of himself than he ever has. He's been more affectionate, in a friendly not romantic way if that makes sense.

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    • I don't want kids of my own. He already knows that just from conversations we've had him the past.

    • Then I think you should tell him that you would be interested, hypothetically

  • I've never felt the need to have someone lined up. Waiting on someone to end their relationship is just asinine. What if they improve? Then you are still waiting.

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    • Ummm... did you read my post? I said I'm not exploiting and that am still dating.

    • Waiting not exploiting.

    • i said waiting. did you read my response?

  • He might be bitching to you about his relationship, but the fact is that you know he is in one. The fact you know about it means that he isn't planning on leaving her anytime soon.

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  • Is it easier to leave a job when you got another one ready to go? Hell yes.

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    • I wouldn't know I've had the same job for decades. That makes sense though.

    • For decades? Shit woman, how old are you?

  • I think that's a bad reason to break up with someone, plus it's usually not good to jump from one relationship to the next- you need some time for reflection to make sure you learn from what went wrong and to give the next person a clean slate.

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  • This is a situation I never knew how to navigate - having loyalty issues towards the people involved - but it is probably a whole lot more common and natural than what media would have us think or believe (at the end of the day, it is how life usually goes, more often than not - sociable people like being in relationships and don't stay alone very long, even if the other person is not ideal).
    I don't know - would say let it develop and good luck.

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  • Yes it's easier. When there is no love people can move on quickly.

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  • Definitely yes.

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  • If you're no compatible, then yes.

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  • Define "rocky."

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    • Fighting. Breaking up and getting back together. Just not happy overall.

    • Sounds like you have an in.

  • Yeah it is.

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  • Oh yeah!

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What Girls Said 7

  • The only thing that does is put an end date on the relationship considering that person is already halfway out of it. But would you really want to be with someone who will just do the same thing to you at the first bump in the relationship?

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    • This relationship is a long term relationship. They've been together for almost 10 years. I've known him for almost 4. This is hardly the first bump they've had since I've known him. I don't think he's that type of guy. If he was, he would've left her long ago. I just know that he's not happy and believe that he deserves better even if it's not with me. I realize it's his decision though.

    • If this is how he is now, I don’t doubt he’s had other little line ups during those ten years. If he wasn’t that type of guy then he wouldn’t be doing it even now. Don’t let your feelings cloud your judgement

  • Pretty horrible to line someone else up when you're breaking up with someone else. He could do the same to you.

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    • "Lining up" was the best way I could explain it. I don't believe that's his mentality and that's how he's really seeing things. Basically, I'm wondering if because or bond and friendship has gotten stronger and closer if he might be thinking that we could work and that be enough for him to stop putting up with what he's dealing with in the relationship he's currently in. I not pushing him or even hinting that he should. This is something he needs to decide and figure out on his own.

    • Mentally you're hoping this happens though. You've not told him otherwise so you're happy for them to break up so you can have him.

  • i think so. but like... since he has his girlfriend AND you... then maybe... there's no real impetus for him to change his life, you know? he already is getting both women.

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    • He's not "getting" me aside from friendship. The most physical we've gotten is hugging which I feel is harmless.

    • so he's getting the emotional component. that's still something.

    • I suppose you're right there.

  • You better hope not or you'll end up just being the rebound or a booty call

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  • I say no cause you to just having sex if he got another girl and he do the same to what he do to you.

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  • Not that easy as I will not know whether he has come to stay or to tempt

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  • He would have left it already and moved on if it was that rocky or if he wanted to leave it. He stays because he still sees the benefit of it.

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