Would you ever get back with a cheater boyfriend/girlfriend?

So I'm biased to this situation, which is why I need your opinions. I have this guy friend who dated his girlfriend for almost 4 years. They even have a kid together (cutest little thing😍). Bottom line they started having problems in their relationship. She always complains that he's a very intolerant guy, always busy, never spends time with her, and that he's purposely taking his time to propose. In her defense, they've been together for so long, and she really loves him, so why doesn't he want to seal the deal already? But he still loved her regardless. Now he had a friend who started paying more attention to her than him, and eventually one thing led to another, she slept with the friend. Immediately after it happened, she regretted it and told him about it. She begged him not to end things with her, and that she still loves him, it was just one stupid mistake and that she will never do it again. He doesn't know what to do, and I'm his best friend, but I still don't know what to tell him. I don't think it's my place to tell someone to end an almost 4 year relationship. What do you guys think he should do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Ohhh boy... Cheaters. What a horrible topic for me to discuss.

    Look, I was cheated on in my last relationship. I feel very strongly about the saying "cheaters will be cheaters" and I stand by it. If a cheater offends once they will do it again.

    This sort of behaviour absolutely boils my f***ing blood. That girl is an absolute idiot I don't care how offensive that may sound AND i'm not judging the girl by any means but i'm sorry, being unfaithful toward your SO is not only intolerable and immature but is the purest form of disrespect.

    I can't understand why a human would purposely continue to be unhappy in a relationship instead of just BEING VOCAL and telling your SO they're having problems.

    Look at what they built, they have a child together. Clearly that, combined with a 4 year elatinship would suggest both of them were at some stage very close. But life happens... People change, people grow up.

    Just because she fell out of love with him DOES NOT give her a right to cheat. I just don't understand how she could do that if she really cared for this guy.

    I wouldn't let her away with it. My advice, tell your friend to get away from that toxic relatinship while he's still young.

    Honestly, I feel bad for the child stuck in all of this.

    And another thing... Tell that your friend to ex-communicate this so-called friend who she cheated with.

    Jeez if a friend of mind did that to me I would be furious. Lord only knows what i'd do if a guy knowingly ruined a 4 year relationship on me!

    Anyways, I wish this guy the best of luck!

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    • So I see your point here, and I'd totally agree with you had she kept it a secret and didn't love him. I personally think that they were both the faulty in this relationship. I don't condone her cheating behavior and I think it's really F*d up what she did... but then again she came back crying and begging him not to break it off and that she still loves him bla bla bla... On one hand she repeatedly told him that she had all these complaints and he still didn't want to change, and on the other hand she could've just been patient with him. I mean after all, he did have a kid with her and moved in with her

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    • I kept trying to call her and she stopped picking up... I picked up my keys and ran to my car, I called 911 and told them I believed my friend may have hurt herself and to help... I called Christopher (the guy), and told him that I was in my way to her and that she may have caused herself some harm.. I was freaking out. I found her in her car, and it smelled like bleach, she drank a whole lot of it, so I ran to get some milk and gave it to her, her neighbors came and helped me... the paramedics finally came and took over. Right now she's in the hospital, she'll be fine but had I not called 911, she would've been dead... nobody knew anything. What would have happened if I had gone early to bed that night? I'm so shocked right now and thankful at the same time.

    • Well now, that is a rather shocking situation. I must congratulate you for being a great friend (To both of them)...

      It sounds like you've had a rough number of days and your actions have been nothing short of heroic.

      I can't even imagine what you would've witnessed at that car. A very distressing scene.

      This situation of breakup! divorce attempted suicide is more common than you can imagine... In fact a similar situation occured in my immediate fanily which I will not openly discuss. However, it is truly horrifying that someone could be in so much distress they feel like they must end it all.

      I feel bad for this woman... I really do.

      But the child... I am so very concerned. I assume the correct authorities have been notified and she is denied guardianship of him/her until she is mentally stable.

      Look at what she has caused... And just because she tries to commit suicide doesn't change much in my opinion. It won't change his mind.

      All of this, caused by one night of lust.

What Guys Said 20

  • Can he ever trust her completely? No.

    Should a relationship be built upon absolute trust, respect, love, and passion? Yes.

    Are all four of those ingredients essential for a relationship to work? Yes.

    Does your friend's relationship have a good prospect for the future?
    Very unlikely.

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  • When I was in highschool, like around 2-3 years ago, there was this guy I was friend with, somewhere along the line he started getting jealous of me and did something that resulted in me getting beaten up by some older guys, he regretted it instantly, it was on his face, I didn't say anything to him, he was sorry, he apologized to me several times in the following days, I forgave him coz I knew he was sorry nd he knew what he did, he became my best friend nd from time to time he tells me that he would never betray me again, he even sometimes calls me when he cries over his ex nd says that you're the only true friend i got, we live in different places meet like twice a year now nd he is kinda my best friend, so sometimes u gotta make a mistake to realize Ur mistake

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  • Well the kid just upped the ante

    Still, the guy shouldn't deal with this girl again. If this scenario happens again, it'll just screw up the whole family, better to break up and give a kid a better environment to grow up in. A relationship with a broken trust can already screw up the kid's chances to live a happy life.

    In other words, when advising him, THE KID COMES FIRST

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  • I find it hard to trust people, if they had broken my trust to the extent that they had cheated on me, I could never forgive that to be honest. In your situation, i don't think it's any of your business, it's his decision. Just try to support him and if he asks give an equal sided argument, because ultimately, only he truly knows his feelings and the relationship and if you interfere it could make him decide something he regrets.

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    • I know but he asked for my opinion, which is why I'm not exactly sure what to say

    • I'd just say somethinf like "hey *name* sorry to hear about what happened but i don't think it's my place to make the decision, only you know what you feel and deep down I'm sure you already know the answer, or just listen to your brain/heart. And if you need support or just someone to get drunk with, I'm always there" something which doesn't really push him either way, but will help him make up his own mind :) and while reassuring that you're there to help and support

    • Alrighty thanks...

  • That is a decision for him and him only. The child complicates things. My ex cheated and i dumped her pretty quick, but i had to come to that decision on my own.

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  • So why would a guy marry a girl when they obviously act like they are married but without the acual risk involved. Then she cheated confirming his fears of getting married. He is an idiot to waist anymore time

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  • Absolutely not. If a partner wants to go behind my back and spit on our relationship, then they obviously don't take the relationship seriously. If I got back together with someone who'd cheated on me, it just wouldn't be the same.

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  • No I would never get back with a cheater. If they can even think about cheating on you how much can they actually love you

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  • Best thing to do in this situation is to stick with his gut. If he truly feels that she won't cheat again then maybe they should keep things going. If not then maybe its time to end things. Hopefully the kid isn't the deciding factor either because that usually ends horribly for both partners and the kid.

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  • I can only say I'd break up immediately and cut her out of my life. I'd never see her the same way ever again, she'd be disgusting to me and the betrayal would go so deep I'd never even attempt to try with her. I personally can't fathom how anyone ever stays with someone after sexual betrayal. I'd completely cut her out of my life and start dating others after I'd healed a bit.

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  • Break up with her. One time a hoe always a hoe.

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  • He should not get back with her for cheating even though he pushed her to doing that since he doesn’t give her attention. In a way it’s his fault but she’s not innocent in this either

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  • No, I would not get back. If he cheated once he will do it again

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  • The relationship failed. This is only one argument

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  • End it. Cheaters are very often repeat offenders and from an objective standpoint she can never undo what she has done.

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    • But won't it affect the kid they have together? I mean won't that be kind of selfish?

    • It might affect the kid but frankly, what she did is really wrong, and she can't just get away with it.

    • I guess he has a lot to think about. Well thank you for your opinion on this

  • Only of you're ok with being cheated on again.

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  • Probably not maybe initially I would try but it would go over and over in my mind I think that being with somebody who is in an equipment locally faithful to you is sexy

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  • If he's asking for your advice then maybe you should tell him cos clearly he wants to hear it and you are a good friend so tell him and maybe that'll aid him in making a decision.

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  • I think he should forgive her and give her another chance

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    • Yeah? Why?

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    • Very true, it is always a hard call to make as girl best friend to a guy or the other way around.

    • Yeah story of my life.

  • no dont. I made that mistake

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What Girls Said 14

  • I would tell him to just do what he feels in his heart is best. If he can’t get past the fact she cheated then I would end things.

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  • If someone loves another person there's no way on Earth they'd even consider cheating as an option. I get people can feel confused but that's never an excuse to hurt someone that's given them their trust. I never would cause I don't think it's fair, should have been honest from the start and actually explained the feelings being experienced as if you love someone, in my opinion, you shouldn't be insecure about sharing these things

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    • So what should he do?

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    • Definitely but if they're decent people to eachother no matter what happens should be alright? Maybe? You could be that cool aunt that's not an aunt 😂

    • That would be cool😂😂😂

  • If it's worth it fight for it! But in all honesty you can't sleep with someone and then be like I still love you cause you don't hurt the people you love

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  • End it.

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  • Depends on how much your friend values her. Sometimes mistakes really do happen and its a one time thing, and she immediately told him afterwards. I had a friend who did that, tbh she and her boyfriend had nasty arguments afterwards, broke up, but eventually 3, 4 years later (dated a few guys in the middle), got married and are happy. Cheating is super bad, really bad. But make a list of her pros and cons -maybe she's a good mother, she cleans up after him and takes care of him etc and see if it's worth it after that one time cheating.

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  • Never

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  • Four years is not long. But I think it would be best for the kid if they stay together. I've heard a quote stating you can sleep with another person for one night, but still be in love deeply with your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend. And what you do is up to you.

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    • You don't think four years is long? I mean think about sleeping next to a person that you're madly in love with for four years... even a year is a lot

  • Nooo

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  • No never.

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    • Your reason being?

    • Once a cheater always a cheater it’s proven and I guess there is some cases that the cheater stops but to possibly of it happening agin to huge

    • Well thank you for your opinion

  • I wouldn’t. But that’s just me. But I don’t have kids involved. That complicated things greatly.

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  • I think you should question your friend how much he loves that girl. If he really loves her, tell the girlfriend about the situation, so she won't feel like he doesn't love her. I believe that most women cheat because they're emotionally dissatisfied. Although, she is wrong, you should tell her she'd get karma for cheating and that she wouldn't want somebody to cheat on her. She also probably felt like your friend want cheating on her, since he wasn't giving her enough attention. So, tell your friend that if he wants to keep a girl, he has to put in effort and pay more attention to her.

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  • I someone who did this. And she claims its cause he didn't pay attention to her. The dumb bitch is a liar. He went back to her and she did it again. I can't wait to see her...

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  • Once a cheater always a cheater applies.

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  • if he was ignoring her, i kinda can't blame her for this. if my boyfriend started doing the same thing to me, i probably wouldve done the same thing accidentally

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