Nostalgia about my ex?

I broke up with my ex a couple months ago because he was a very jealous guys, manipulative, etc. He even hit me a couple times.

However, I still tend to idealize him, and I thought I was over him, but I think maybe I'm not. I'm not gonna get back together with him due to our history, even though sometimes it feels so unreal that I'm not with him. I always tell myself no to go back to him, though.

He still loves me too. Today, hadn't we broken up, we'd be celebrating our 4th anniversary. He was my first boyfriend and first love, and I was his first love too. We hadn't been talking, but today none of us resisted the temptation, and this left me feeling, well, confused and nostalgic.

To make things worse, I met a guy recently, and we've made out a bit, I think he likes me, even though he knows I don't want a relationship, and he accepts my terms. However, I think with the realization I had today, it may be better to just break it off with him. Not to hurt him, and also because I like him, I have fun with him and he's great, but I don't feel the way I felt about my ex when we first started going out. I also think it's too soon for a relationship.

I mean, I told this new guy that I wanted nothing romantic and he said he was OK with it, but I'm sensing he may be falling for me.

How can I stop the nostalgia and not let it cloud my judgment? My ex wants to see me for old times sake, even though he says he knows we won't get back together, and I'm also sensing this is a bad idea.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't see your ex. It's totally normal to have feelings like this about an ex who was bad to you. Humans develop an attachment to people they have negative experiences with EVEN if he was the one treating you bad. It's called trauma bonding. It's weird and sounds nuts, but it's totally true and scientifically proven.

    The feelings you have for your ex are not real. Even if they are ridiculously strong, don't give into them because you're actually having feelings for the way you IMAGINED him to be. Your feelings for each other are based more on subconscious issues that you both have, and it's not real love.

    Also, it's normal to have a guy fall for you when you tell him you don't want anything serious, it happens ALL the time! As soon as a guy feels no expectations from you, he feels free to fall head over heels in love with you for no real reason. I mean I'm sure you're a great person, but guys will fall in "love" with a girl they barely have taken the time to get to know as soon as she says she doesn't want a boyfriend. There's a good chance this guy will want to get in your pants, so if you don't want that, then ending it is a good idea.

    If you tell him you just want to be friends, but keep hanging out with him and talking to him, he will take is as a "sign" that you like him back, no matter how much you keep saying you don't want him. Weird, I know, but it's happened to me and my friends quite a few times. He'll take any friendliness you show as "flirting". Sad, but true.

    Anyways, the only way to stay away from your ex and future negative guys is to educate yourself on abusive patterns and steel your resolve. You've got to stop contacting him and try to remember all the bad stuff he did.

    Get on google and look up abusers. You'll be shocked at how they tend to follow so many set patterns and you'll realize you're WAAAAAAY better off without your ex or anyone like him, and you'll learn to see red flags and avoid people like that.

    Hang in there, you're not alone.

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    • By the way, your ex might try an all out campaign to get you back with him in some form or another, only to abuse you again after all kinds of empty promises. It's a rollercoaster of baiting you with "niceness" then punishing you for made up wrongs. Please don't get locked in this awful cycle any longer. Realize you never deserve abuse, you deserve love, and the two are ABSOLUTE opposites.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Go with your gut instincts. If you think it's too early to start a new realationship then it is. If you sense that meeting with your ex is a bad idea it really is. If he's jealous, manipulative and has even hit you don't go near him. I'm glad you don't want to get back together with him. If it's bad now to the point of violence imagine what something like marriage would do. For some reason a lot of people don't want to realize that. This will take time to get over but trust me its for the best. You'll be ok.

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  • What the heck is your definition for love? First off, if he loves you, he wouldn't be hitting you. It's his way of trying to control you. Obviously, you don't do everything that he wants you to, otherwise, he wouldn't be hitting you. He's got issues, and the sooner you realize that, and get away, the better off you will be. I bet he degrades you to, and makes you feel stupid. Work on being comfortable with yourself, then you will attract the right person, and not some loser that wants to control you!

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  • Its hard to get over an ex, if you don't break contact you can't really get over them and move on you end up friends with benefits or hook ups can't move on with new partners, you get stuck.

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What Girls Said 2

  • you're thinking too much. forget him. he's your first, so what? a real guy doesn't hit his woman, this guy doesn't sound good for you.

    Use brain and think, this guy is selfish and you don't want a relationship. there you go, you answered your own question.

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  • wait a minute he hit you wtf are you thinking if a guy lays hands on you once he will do it again y are you putting yourself through this I don't understand y it takes people so long to get over people they love it is hard just think about the bad parts then soon you realize how rong he was for you give this other guy a chance to because when you get close to him ul start to forget the other guy

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