I broke up with my ex a couple months ago because he was a very jealous guys, manipulative, etc. He even hit me a couple times.
However, I still tend to idealize him, and I thought I was over him, but I think maybe I'm not. I'm not gonna get back together with him due to our history, even though sometimes it feels so unreal that I'm not with him. I always tell myself no to go back to him, though.
He still loves me too. Today, hadn't we broken up, we'd be celebrating our 4th anniversary. He was my first boyfriend and first love, and I was his first love too. We hadn't been talking, but today none of us resisted the temptation, and this left me feeling, well, confused and nostalgic.
To make things worse, I met a guy recently, and we've made out a bit, I think he likes me, even though he knows I don't want a relationship, and he accepts my terms. However, I think with the realization I had today, it may be better to just break it off with him. Not to hurt him, and also because I like him, I have fun with him and he's great, but I don't feel the way I felt about my ex when we first started going out. I also think it's too soon for a relationship.
I mean, I told this new guy that I wanted nothing romantic and he said he was OK with it, but I'm sensing he may be falling for me.
How can I stop the nostalgia and not let it cloud my judgment? My ex wants to see me for old times sake, even though he says he knows we won't get back together, and I'm also sensing this is a bad idea.
Most Helpful Girl
Don't see your ex. It's totally normal to have feelings like this about an ex who was bad to you. Humans develop an attachment to people they have negative experiences with EVEN if he was the one treating you bad. It's called trauma bonding. It's weird and sounds nuts, but it's totally true and scientifically proven.
The feelings you have for your ex are not real. Even if they are ridiculously strong, don't give into them because you're actually having feelings for the way you IMAGINED him to be. Your feelings for each other are based more on subconscious issues that you both have, and it's not real love.
Also, it's normal to have a guy fall for you when you tell him you don't want anything serious, it happens ALL the time! As soon as a guy feels no expectations from you, he feels free to fall head over heels in love with you for no real reason. I mean I'm sure you're a great person, but guys will fall in "love" with a girl they barely have taken the time to get to know as soon as she says she doesn't want a boyfriend. There's a good chance this guy will want to get in your pants, so if you don't want that, then ending it is a good idea.
If you tell him you just want to be friends, but keep hanging out with him and talking to him, he will take is as a "sign" that you like him back, no matter how much you keep saying you don't want him. Weird, I know, but it's happened to me and my friends quite a few times. He'll take any friendliness you show as "flirting". Sad, but true.
Anyways, the only way to stay away from your ex and future negative guys is to educate yourself on abusive patterns and steel your resolve. You've got to stop contacting him and try to remember all the bad stuff he did.
Get on google and look up abusers. You'll be shocked at how they tend to follow so many set patterns and you'll realize you're WAAAAAAY better off without your ex or anyone like him, and you'll learn to see red flags and avoid people like that.
Hang in there, you're not alone.