Do you need closure after a break up?

I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago after he started being distant and finding excuses not to see each other. He said he'd been feeling depressed and stressed lately but that he still wanted to be with me. I foolishly felt sorry for him until I found out he was on Tinder trying to meet other people. I sent him a bunch of angry texts to which he didn't respond. 2 weeks later I saw him out with a girl and sent him like 5 long angry texts. He has not responded. The lack of accountability or respect drove me crazy. I feel like I just shouldn't have said anything but at the same time I got everything out that I needed to say. I just wish he would acknowledge his lies like an adult and give me closure. Anyone else affected by a lack of closure?

Updates:
It's unbelievably helpful listening to you guy's experiences and not feeling like a total loser for having this so heavy on my mind and wishing for closure. I know I'll move on. It's just hard to believe someone could treat another human that way.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 16

  • I didn't get closure after a serious relationship ended. It really bothered me at first, it was all I could think about. But as time goes on, your mind clears and you realize all the reasons you're better off without them, then you don't need the closure anymore.

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    • I'm glad you were able to move forward in a positive way. I'm sorry that happened to you though. <3

  • Closure is really good when you can get it but if you can't then learning to live and move on without it is just as important.

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    • Learning that... Usually my ex will at least engage in conversation even if it to spew more bullshit. It's a totally new experience for me to deal with someone who won't even acknowledge my messages. It hurts like hell but an opportunity for growth...

    • The faster you move on and stop communicating with him the better.

  • Yeah he has "ghosted" you. Shitty thing to do, they were either using you, using you as a boredom toy or they can't own up.

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  • Yes. Especially if you separated because she died... *points to self*

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  • His fault, saying he still wanted to be close. Block him

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  • No just move on. You needing closure Is allowing someone else to control you and who you are. If you need closure it'd bec
    side you refuse to shut the door and move on there is your closure

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  • Yes. Humans need closure when it comes to any traumatic experience. Its basic psychology and a part of the healing process.

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  • He playing, move on

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  • You have been played

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  • He is just trying to move on if anything. If he doesn't think you guys will get back together then of course he is going to try to forget about you. You just need to stop talking to him at all. Closure to me is extremely important though.

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  • Nope no closure needed for me at least

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  • Yeah closure is necessary for a breakup I think

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  • Yup. I do.

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  • sometimes its good to have closure when u need to

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  • Leve him..., don, t look back...

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  • I do maybe that's why I am still. I had and still have a lot off unanswered questions. Or probably just to stubborn but only way i could go on is it had to end or proceed (lack of the right word) just as right as me and her began

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What Girls Said 12

  • Closure is hugely helpful for the end of a relationship, regardless if it was romantic.

    Me and my ex were off and on and off and on for months until he cheated on me. For me that was the end and the closure I needed.

    With friends, just recently I’ve had my friend stop being friends because I told my best friend of 20+ years that her boyfriend beats her. She went ballistic and said that because I was the mentally ill one not her partner. (They have 2 kids under 3). I went nuclear at her and that was the closure I needed to end our 10 year friendship.

    It took me a long time to come to terms with shutting the door on my mother. I had so many reasons but none of them felt like closure until I spoke with my dad. The years of silent abuse I had endured behind closed doors came out and slowly my dad told me more and more. I think the two things that made me say “I will never speak to her again” was two events. The first was the ultrasound - I’m the 5th child, I have 4 older brothers. Because of the 4th boys complications in pregnancy I was monitored and it was a scan when they found out the sex. My dad was delighted to have a girl after 4 boys, and when he looked at my mum she turned her face away from the screen and cried. My brother died shortly afterwards, which added to her hate for me. My dad came home one day and heard me coughing. He stood in the doorway and saw my mum stationary with a pillow ready to smother me. She started to and he stopped her. The next few days he came home and heard me coughing and found me locked in rooms. It was then I truly shut the door. My mum had offered me to paedophile rings and such and I felt I had done something. When I learnt that even as a foetus and baby I was hated, it was the closure I needed to say it was not my fault.

    Closure is important.

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    • Wow. Thank you for being so open about this. I completely agree and am so glad you got the closure you needed. That must have been extremely different to go through.

  • No, I really don’t. To me closure is just an excuse to continue engaging with someone who doesn’t want you and keep feeling miserable, or to get in the last word.
    It’s far more productive to learn when to call it quits within yourself, and to move on.

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  • Honestly as long as you said what you needes to and got it out That's a big help.

    Sometimes closure ia just accepting the fact that you're split up. Other times its needing to talk about the entire relationship and what went wrong. I think in ur case he just got tired and wanted to go experience new things

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  • No.
    I mean.. I get how you feel. Of course breakups are super devastating and anything but fun to go through but.. what do you hope to gain from him 'taking accountability' for his actions?

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  • After breakups, I have the horrible tenancy to wonder what I did wrong/what's wrong with me and hate myself for it. Blaming myself for things not working out. But I've never gotten that "why everything ended" so unfortunately, whether or not we need it, it's rarely given.

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  • I personally do need closure, unfortunately that's just something you can't get every time. With my most recent ex he always has a reasoning for his behavior but it turns out just to be one big lie and he probably never even cared about me in the first place.

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  • Yes most defnitely

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  • I think every type of relationship deserves a closure, even casual relationships. It’s basic manner, it’s a way of showing you treat the other person as a human. I was recently ghosted by my regular hookup buddy. I know how you feel, it is terrible. It shows cowardice and insecurity of that person, he’s not mature and brave enough to face the situation. I know it hurts like hell but trust me, in time you will get over it and start to realise how good life is without him!!

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    • Thank you for this <3

  • I know how you feel about wanting closure but sometimes no matter how much you want or need closure you may never get it

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  • I've been ghosted. It's a cowards way out and it totally sucks. It's hard. Go no contact. It will get easier in time.

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  • Nah who needs that these days. You can just go around screw with people all you want and don’t assume to take responsibility whatsoever.

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  • I always need closure, but guys are usually not that willing to offer it.

    I prefer honesty, like you’re going to hurt me anyway, so please just tell me what I did wrong/what’s wrong with me that ended things.

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    • Exactly. If you're gonna be a dick, at least own up to it and don't be a coward.

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