I ended the relationship, do you think I did the right thing?

My boyfriend and I broke up a few days ago after being together 8 months. Things hadn't been going so well the last month and a bit. During the relationship he had lied to me twice. There was love of course but he wasn't much into communicating when their were issues and we just wernt on the same page with priorities. He was a little selfish and just had too many bad habits plus he lied to me and kept the fact he had started drinking a secret from me. When I guessed and confronted him he admitted he had also been drinking vodka out of a flask which he kept in the car when he went out to have a cigarette. He was also constantly buying beer and going through those pretty quickly. He has previously been in rehab for drinking issues almost 2yrs ago for 11 mths which is why I'm so touchy about the whole thing. I felt like I was always the one buying food to make dinners, his financial contributions were very unequal in comparison to mine. Every 2nd weekend he would have his children over which I didn't mind, I have a young child as well however the bulk of the food for all the kids was mainly funded by me, he would occasionally chip in. Everytime we went out, it would seem I was always the driver using my car.

He was coming on a holiday with me and my family, he had managed to save a small amount for spending money and what he had he was using here to buy his energy drinks and then went and used some of it for a 6 pack of beer. When I asked him why he needed to buy alcohol the day before our holiday he got smarmy with me and said it was his money and I'm not his mother. I said to him that his priorities were not in the right place as he should have been saving that money for Bali so we could afford to do more things together rather than spending it here on luxury items such as the beer. I knew then in that moment our relationship was not the priority in his life.

Updates:
I'd even paid for most of the hotel so he would have extra for spending but when he did that it was like a slap in the face. The morning of the holiday when he got up I told him that his behaviour has been questionable lately and he got his back up and said how about you go to Bali and I will stay in Australia, I was so angry that I told him I just didn't care anymore and that if he was not happy he should pack his shit and leave.
Next minute he was upstairs packing and you know what I did, I fuckin helped the asshole. He will regret it, might take a while but he will. I think the only thing he was supporting in the end was his alcohol consumption. I could see it was becoming an issue even though he said it wasn't, I didn't believe him.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • In my opinion the short answer to your question is yes, you did the right thing.

    It sounds like he has many issues that would make a good relationship almost impossible. Lying obviously is a very big one. Alcohol abuse is another. That puts tremendous strain on a relationship. His lack of responsibility (not making good choices, not paying for his share of your expenses) is another. A relationship should be between two equal adults and it sounds like what you had was more like parent-child where you took care of him. I think that any of those things would make it hard for you to be happy in a relationship with him and all of them make me think that the answer to your question is not just a simple yes, but absolutely yes.

    There are responsible, mature guys around. I think you'd be much better off with one of them. Hopefully you can find one soon.

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    • Yeah I knew I wasn't over reacting but during such a difficult time it's very useful to get the viewpoint of others. It's a shame, the relationship was really very good for the first 5 months, he isn't all out bad, there is a very caring and loving side to him but we all know that a relationship needs more than just love.

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    • I just want to say a big Thankyou to everyone that spared some time to assist me here. I think the sentence that fell out of his mouth at one point that alarmed me further went a little like this:

      "I can communicate better and talk more when I've had a drink and obviously have better stamina in bed, just everything seems better."

      The red flag went up when he said that because here I am thinking that a person should feel they do better at everything when they haven't been drinking at all!

      I knew deep down we were on a different page in a different book. He was unhealthy in that he has a very addictive personality. He would drink 6 energy drinks a day plus took pain killers for shoulder pain regularly plus smoked cigarettes. He never seemed to want to quit any of it, would say he would but when I would check in with him just had an excuse, too lazy to go and get an xray to get to the bottom of the shoulder pain, was happy taking tablets. Nah that's not the man for me.

    • Glad to have been of assistance. It sounds like you are feeling good about your decision which is a big plus and will hopefully make it easier for you to move on. Best of luck. I hope your next relationship is a great one!

Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm not even going to read through this, I don't need to:
    The fact that you even thought about ending it at all means that you weren't completely happy. So yes, you did the right thing.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 13

  • Re Read everything you just wrote if this was a fast car with six speeds everything you just wrote is first gear I don't think you want to go to second and I know you don't want to go to the 3rd or 6th Gear don't even doubt yourself give yourself a big hug you just saved yourself a lot of Heartache move on fast don't answer the phone then cuz he's going to say and do anything and everything to keep you around just keep running you have only one way and that's straight up to back to the top like I said keep it running don't look back

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    • Thankyou, I'm strong, I won't be in contact with him again. Haven't been since he left, not even tempted

    • Its your choice that I agree with you I wouldn't just because for today it's a dead end Road there is a reason why he went into rehab and it's too bad I forgot what that reason was you sound like you got it together and want something in life and I'm sorry to say but you could just bring you down just by reading your message I can see where he already has you need somebody that wants to make it all about you and be a giver not a taker

    • I just want to say a big Thankyou to everyone that spared some time to assist me here. I think the sentence that fell out of his mouth at one point that alarmed me further went a little like this:

      "I can communicate better and talk more when I've had a drink and obviously have better stamina in bed, just everything seems better."

      The red flag went up when he said that because here I am thinking that a person should feel they do better at everything when they haven't been drinking at all!

      I knew deep down we were on a different page in a different book. He was unhealthy in that he has a very addictive personality. He would drink 6 energy drinks a day plus took pain killers for shoulder pain regularly plus smoked cigarettes. He never seemed to want to quit any of it, would say he would but when I would check in with him just had an excuse, too lazy to go and get an xray to get to the bottom of the shoulder pain, was happy taking tablets. Nah that's not the man for me.

  • Nope drop him, as hard as that is theses habit aren't something you can change for him. These habits will drag you down to, as bad as it sounds you have to look out for yourself because he'll spend all your money and you'll have nothing and next thing you know you'll have even more conflicts with him and it just all down hill.

    That's my two cents

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  • Stay in touch with him. See how he's reacting. Maybeits not the best reason to break up the whole relationship. Time will treat both you and him in revealing ways. Just dont ghost him.

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    • Well he has actually blocked me now on Facebook. He changed his profile pic to one of him but hasn't changed his relationship status to single, it's still indicating the relationship is still with me which is odd.

  • Just move on. I see that you're angry, hurt and feel betrayed, all justified emotions. I was all behind you and your decision until the very end of your email. When you say " He will regret it, might **** * ***** *** ** ****. It sounds you're going to stick around until he crashes & he burns so you can see it. Don't make it a priority too see it because it may not happen or you may not know it happened.

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    • No I dont plan on sticking around to see anything of him. I'm done and don't want to see him again, so all good there

    • I just want to say a big Thankyou to everyone that spared some time to assist me here. I think the sentence that fell out of his mouth at one point that alarmed me further went a little like this:

      "I can communicate better and talk more when I've had a drink and obviously have better stamina in bed, just everything seems better."

      The red flag went up when he said that because here I am thinking that a person should feel they do better at everything when they haven't been drinking at all!

      I knew deep down we were on a different page in a different book. He was unhealthy in that he has a very addictive personality. He would drink 6 energy drinks a day plus took pain killers for shoulder pain regularly plus smoked cigarettes. He never seemed to want to quit any of it, would say he would but when I would check in with him just had an excuse, too lazy to go and get an xray to get to the bottom of the shoulder pain, was happy taking tablets. Nah that's not the man for me.

    • I'm a recovering alcoholic, not ashamed of it & in December it will be 3 years since my last drink. You know that sounds crazy to all of us, even me but, I remember saying and really believing that shit. I was putting brandy in my morning coffee, yuk. Unfortunately, we are so screwed up we don't see it. I'm glad you did...

  • Good job! And good riddance is all I can say! Congratulations you are now free from the vampire! Now in preparation of any possibility that he might try to come back, go buy a very big dog. I recommend a pittbull if they aren't illegal where you are. They are amazing and wonderful dogs! And especially if raised by you as a puppy they will grow up to love you with every fibre of their being, every lick of your face, and every wag of their tail. Unconditionally forever. On the other hand if the ex shows up the dog won't know him and if trained right will attack certain body parts. I recommend the groin.

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  • You did the right thing, it would have been an awful life with him by your side, cause regrettably, these kind of people only drag you with them

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  • He playing with the beer, move on

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  • Sounds like you did the right thing

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  • Took. you long enough

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  • He a damn loser. Not worthy of you.

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  • you did the right thing

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  • You did the right thing, just wish it was sooner that you took action.

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    • I just want to say a big Thankyou to everyone that spared some time to assist me here. I think the sentence that fell out of his mouth at one point that alarmed me further went a little like this:

      "I can communicate better and talk more when I've had a drink and obviously have better stamina in bed, just everything seems better."

      The red flag went up when he said that because here I am thinking that a person should feel they do better at everything when they haven't been drinking at all!

      I knew deep down we were on a different page in a different book. He was unhealthy in that he has a very addictive personality. He would drink 6 energy drinks a day plus took pain killers for shoulder pain regularly plus smoked cigarettes. He never seemed to want to quit any of it, would say he would but when I would check in with him just had an excuse, too lazy to go and get an xray to get to the bottom of the shoulder pain, was happy taking tablets. Nah that's not the man for me.

  • Yeah probably, he has a real problem with drinking

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    • I brought up the drinking with him a few times and he must have known I wasn't comfortable with him drinking considering his past history. He really has let that come between us I feel.

    • Show All
    • I just want to say a big Thankyou to everyone that spared some time to assist me here. I think the sentence that fell out of his mouth at one point that alarmed me further went a little like this:

      "I can communicate better and talk more when I've had a drink and obviously have better stamina in bed, just everything seems better."

      The red flag went up when he said that because here I am thinking that a person should feel they do better at everything when they haven't been drinking at all!

      I knew deep down we were on a different page in a different book. He was unhealthy in that he has a very addictive personality. He would drink 6 energy drinks a day plus took pain killers for shoulder pain regularly plus smoked cigarettes. He never seemed to want to quit any of it, would say he would but when I would check in with him just had an excuse, too lazy to go and get an xray to get to the bottom of the shoulder pain, was happy taking tablets. Nah that's not the man for me.

    • Yeah he should have been comfortable around you without the drinking and you don’t perform better sexually when drunk at all. Sounds like he is leading a very unhealthy lifestyle, he won’t be around long living like that

What Girls Said 6

  • Oh definitely did the right thing. He'll regret it, of course, when he realizes money is running out and others aren't so quick to chip in.

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  • I must say, you had no other choice. He won't change, you must know this. People who have had some kind of rehab can be addicted easly again. You can never trust them... Hope you learnt your lesson, made you stronger and you can move on.

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    • Yes I have learnt my lesson and moving on

    • I just want to say a big Thankyou to everyone that spared some time to assist me here. I think the sentence that fell out of his mouth at one point that alarmed me further went a little like this:

      "I can communicate better and talk more when I've had a drink and obviously have better stamina in bed, just everything seems better."

      The red flag went up when he said that because here I am thinking that a person should feel they do better at everything when they haven't been drinking at all!

      I knew deep down we were on a different page in a different book. He was unhealthy in that he has a very addictive personality. He would drink 6 energy drinks a day plus took pain killers for shoulder pain regularly plus smoked cigarettes. He never seemed to want to quit any of it, would say he would but when I would check in with him just had an excuse, too lazy to go and get an xray to get to the bottom of the shoulder pain, was happy taking tablets. Nah that's not the man for me.

    • I am glad you realized it in time and was able to quit. Hope you can heal fast and move on.

  • Yes you did the right thing. Relationships are supposed to make you feel loved and happy and if it was not the case in your relationship then you surely had the right to end it

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  • I think you did the right thing. A relationship is a two-way street and it sounds like you were giving a lot more than you were receiving. Honestly think it is quite a brave thing to break up with someone you love, but I'm sure you will be better off because of it.

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    • Yes it is hard but I have a 6 yr old daughter so it's not just about me. A pity because he was fabulous with her and they both formed a bond and she and his kids all formed a bond, but that's not reason to stay

    • It's good that you have really considered her as well. Even though it will probably be quite difficult in the short run, I'm sure you and your daughter will get through it.

    • I just want to say a big Thankyou to everyone that spared some time to assist me here. I think the sentence that fell out of his mouth at one point that alarmed me further went a little like this:

      "I can communicate better and talk more when I've had a drink and obviously have better stamina in bed, just everything seems better."

      The red flag went up when he said that because here I am thinking that a person should feel they do better at everything when they haven't been drinking at all!

      I knew deep down we were on a different page in a different book. He was unhealthy in that he has a very addictive personality. He would drink 6 energy drinks a day plus took pain killers for shoulder pain regularly plus smoked cigarettes. He never seemed to want to quit any of it, would say he would but when I would check in with him just had an excuse, too lazy to go and get an xray to get to the bottom of the shoulder pain, was happy taking tablets. Nah that's not the man for me.

  • Yes, it wasn't an equal relationship

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  • He would just hold you back in life

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